And it has to stop. We get it: She-Hulk is green. She thinks green is good. Yes, very clever. Give it a rest, comic book writers. It's played.

Superboyman-Prime was a humdinger of a bad idea. Hoo boy, was it ever a stinker. I hate to lay it out to you like that, but there it is. Sometimes, the band-aid has got to come right off.

A Superman counterpart who is selfish, whiny, evil, and self-motivated? Really, DC? What the Didio were you thinking?

Look DC, there are characters you can turn evil and there are characters you can't. People bought into Tony Stark acting like a big ol' dick and getting Captain America killed, but dude, Iron Man ain't Superman. (By the by, the failure the first time Marvel turned Iron Man evil was strictly due to the leather jackets the Avengers wore at the time. I can prove this with pie charts and venn diagrams, but that's a different topic for a different day. And did Marvel try to turn Captain America evil? Well, did they? Of course not, DC. Shame on you.)

You could have gotten away with it if you turned a Batman counterpart evil. The guy saw his own parents gunned down in cold blood right in front of him. Bound to fuck a kid right up. So if you wanted to turn a counterpart of his evil, I'd be right on board with that idea. Hell, Batman created the Brother Eye satellite and that turned into a big ol' batch of steaming evil, right? Plus, the guy's a control freak. He's the jealous husband wearing the wife beater who keeps his wife on an allowance of $2 per week. A Batman from a parallel universe going nuts isn't an awful idea.

But Superman? Really? Who thought this was a good idea? Superman is the Big Blue Boy Scout. He's the hero that inspires other heroes in the DCU. He doesn't lie to his mother, steal from his boss, or cheat on his wife. He's truth, justice, and the freakin' American way. He's more than just a hero, he's a goddamn ideal. He should be incorruptible. And what do you guys go and do? You take a counterpart of his and turn him into this . . . imbecile on the right (image courtesy of our friend Tommy at SayItBackwards, one of the best comics-related blogs out there; Tommy kind of likes the idea of an evil Superman, and HE'S WRONG, but he still has a top-notch blog).

I'm cool with the black costume, DC. I'm even willing to live with the second grade dialogue. Really. Personally, I think "Kill you to death!" should be made into t-shirts. You'd make a mint. So seriously, I don't hold any of that against you, baby. But what ever possessed you to do the unthinkable and corrupt Superman?

Okay, sure, this is not our Superman. This is the Superman of Earth-Prime. Thing is, you always implied to the reader that the Superboyman from Earth-Prime was going to grow up to be pretty close to our Superman. That's right, you did. Don't go saying you didn't. I know what you said. Are you calling me a liar? Are you calling me a liar? I didn't think so.

And our Superman CANNOT BE CORRUPTED. He cannot be driven insane, he cannot lose hope, and he cannot be so despondent at the state of the universe that he decides, "Oh well. Fuck it. Gonna blow that sumbitch up an' start over." He should always persevere. Always. He doesn't scar his own chest and he doesn't maim magical imps from the fifth dimension with his heat vision.

Superman is an ideal. You don't turn an ideal evil DC, you just don't. I don't want to hear it about Ultraman, either. He was evil from the get go. That was the whole point of the character. He wasn't ever going to be the Superman that we know, and thus, was never corrupted. So don't even go there with me.

So fix it, DC. Please. I'm beggin' ya. We've been through a lot together, haven't we? Come on, baby. Don't be like that. We can make this work.

I don't know who this Paperghost dude is, but I'm guessing he made the image on the right and he's got the right idea.

IT HAS BEGUN!

The origin story!

Links to the actual auctions here!

And Tommy was kind enough to answer some questions on the auction itself, and also about the wonderful world of Superman, and related Super-stuff. Please to enjoy some detail on the

"Has anybody really surprised you with their responses to your auction?"
Every one, really. I wasn't expecting this to spread like it has. I hesitate to mention any contributors specifically because I don't want to give the impression any one donation meant more than any other, because, as corny as it sounds, every single one meant the world to me.

Oh, you know, I will single one out. The guy that donated the drawing of Power Girl naked. He probably surprised me most.

"Have you been giving any direction to the contributing artists, or are they just providing whatever they come up with?"
I can't draw a straight line with a ruler. I left all artistic decisions to the artists.

"Without naming names, have you gotten any rejections from creators? Don't name names. Use a pseudonym like 'Yawn Shmyrne.'"
I actually did get a few, but they were, for the most part, very cool about it. They were honest and said "I'd like to help, I just don't have the time." Most even thanked me for asking them to take part. I should have asked Shmyrne. I bet he would have done it.

"You're also a Star Wars fan. Where do you come down on the perennial 'Could a lightsaber cut Superman' debate?"
Depends on the Superman. Golden Age, yup. Silver age, nope. Byrne's/Jurgens', yup. Today's, nope.

The real question is would the Superman that could stop a lightsaber simply deflect it or disrupt the blade's energy field like cortosis does? Oh, I could keep going. I am geek without shame.

"In your blog, you have failed to appropriately address the villain known as Conduit. Why?"
What's his deal? He's an evil cyborg that hated Clark Kent for being popular when he was overlooked, right? He was part of all the Zero Hour jazz. That stuff just gives me a headache. Has any one used him since?

"Any thoughts on Smallville versus the older, 90's Superboy syndicated show?"
I loved that Superboy show when I was kid. I still do, though nostalgia whitewashes right over how silly it actually is.

Smallville, however, not so much. You'd think it'd take a lot to be a Superman series I won't watch, but really, all it takes is one look at that lone monkey-doing-a-math-problem facial expression Welling seems capable of to keep me away.

"Superboy/man Prime: do you hate him? Would you in good conscience auction off art featuring him trapped in a Sun-Eater?"
I liked Superman Prime much more the first time around when he was called Ultraman. The idea of an evil twin isn't a bad one, it's a time tested cliche that can be a lot of fun. But they have just done some awful stuff with that character. "I'll kill you to death!" Awful.

"Is there an artist/writer you would love to see handle Superman? Name one of each. And at this point would you like to see what Frank Miller could do with the franchise?"
You know, Superman's one of those characters nearly every mainstream creator does something with at some point, so it's hard to pick some one who hasn't already worked with him.

Has Frank Cho ever Drawn Superman? I'd like to see that. Dan Slott's done a tiny, tiny amount of work with Superman, but I'm still gonna pick him as the writer I'd most like to see who hasn't done a proper run on the character.

Frank Miller. Heh. He said in an interview with Wizard years ago (I paraphrase), "You know, I wish there was something on the shelf of my work with a big red S on the spine" and mentioned he owed Superman an apology. Being that Miller has since lost his damned mind, I'm gonna guess he feels Superman and Wonder Woman causing earthquakes with their 'special hug' in DK2 was that apology. Frank Miller is insane.

"Why are you ducking the Conduit issue? What are you hiding?"
Did you know he got an action figure in the 90s Superman line before Luthor? Yeah, because that's what kids want, not the villain they know, but Kenny Braverman and his spinning tentacles of doom.

Top Five Superman stories, any medium, no holds barred, GO:
In no particular order-

Superman: The Movie
The Death of Superman by Jerry Siegel and Curt Swan
Birthright by Mark Waid and Leinil Yu
All Star Superman by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely
Must There Be A Superman? by Elliot S! Maggin and Curt Swan

"Which of the auction items would you love to bid on for yourself?"
Oh man, so many pieces I'd love to have. I know I shouldn't play favorites, but I LOVE the Superman's Rogues Gallery piece by Paul Salvi; and the ink painting of Superman by David Mack I would take a puppy away from an orphan for. There's another half dozen I could go on about.

Salvi piece-

Mack piece-

The team of Lobdell and Some Guy obviously weren't reading much of Excalibur, as this issue is a rather odd departure from the series' usual antics of dimension-hopping and Claremontisms. Instead, the bust out the stock "Good Guys fight Good Guys Until They Team Up To Fight the Real villain" plot that's been used for generations upon generations of fill-in comics. Observe if you will, the Essence of Generic Dialogue.

1) "Well, We tried it the easy way."

The hell you say, Silver Sable! The only thing you tried was blowing a hole through the wall on the previous page. Well, for comic books I suppose that is the easy way. Who'd want to read two panels of

2) "You keep signing the checks, I'll keep doing what it is I do so well."

What the hell kind of sentence is that, Sandman?

3) "To think that we get to trash these dudes and get paid for it!"

Rocket Racer: you're not getting paid today. Come on Rocket Racer, when have you ever actually trashed anybody? Hmm? Never? That's right.

4) "Professor, head for an exit-schnell! We'll cover you!"

Nightcrawler is German! German! This is what fill-in writers back in the day called 'characterization.' or maybe it's "If we have Nightcrawler shout out random German phrases, maybe people won't notice this ISN'T written by Claremont! Unglaubich!" And hell, the professor's response: "Capital idea, lad!" Guess where HE'S from!

Oh Chris Claremont, what hath thou wrought.

Take out the one 'schnell,' and any one of the above lines could be attributed to any other character anywhere in comic books. Well, in bad comic books. It's that generic, it's that bland. Love it. Breathe it in.

What exactly is RescuedByNerds? Well, it's a new sister-site to YMB that focuses on long-form content. From now on, RBN will be your source for the interviews, reviews and columns you've come to love with a regular rotating cast of writers. Meanwhile, YMB has moved to a group-blog format that will continue its personality-driven commentary, parodies, and satire.

RBN is made up of Mike Collins, Ash, Erin, RichB and everyone's favorite crazy uncle, Larry Young. RBN kicks off this week with exclusive NYComicon coverage. Drop by and let them know what you think. If anyone is interested in writing for RBN, or contributing in any other capacity, please drop Mike a note.

Asleep at the wheel, CCA!

I'm not sure I understand the basis of your question. I like good comics. I pride myself on only buying good, quality comics. But overly forgiving? Me? Did I forgive the murder and perversion of Hal Jordan? No. Did I forgive the clone saga? No. I'll have you know I bought every issue of that abomination and I have never forgiven Marvel for it. Never. Ever.

Don't get me started on all those issues of The Other I bought.

Leonard Kirk: Just how cold do you get in those Princess Leia costumes?

It's hard to get cold with 300 pounds of sweaty geek pressed up against you for a photo-op.

David Micheline: What do you think of the way Marvel handled the dissolution of the Peter / MJ marriage?

Horrified. Shocked. Appalled. Depressed. Angry. Murderous. Vengeful. Wrathful. World-destroying. Then sleepy.

Francis Manapul: If you had any suggestion for me to draw as a regular series, what would it be?

It just so happens I have a self-published comic I'm working on that you'd be perfect for. It was originally a DC Elseworlds pitch, but how hard could it be to turn a Vampire Pirate Batman story into a more generic tale of bat-costumed, vampire pirates? It'll probably even work better that way.

Leonard Kirk: Exactly how exhausted are you by the end of the con?

Depends on how light I pack for it. If I'm one short-boxing it, not very. If I'm three long-boxing it... it can be a bit tiring. Especially at those split-level cons. Even with escalators... whew... I'm getting winded just thinking about it.

Bob Layton: Why do you keep buying books that you don't like anymore?

Because I am an eternal optimist. That's one of the things that I love about our hobby: the boundless optimism of fans. Always excited about the next new project or twist. Like when Marvel revealed that every superhero we've been following for the last twenty years could be a skrull, everyone was all like "Exciting! Briliiant!" I love this hobby.

THE COMICS CODE AUTHORITY HAS FAILED YOU!

Is this some little-known Marvel MAX Villainness? Nay. This would be the little-known New Warriors villain Pretty Persuasions. Introduced in the original, classic Nicieza/Bagley era, and to our knowledge entirely unseen ever since then. And if you will recall, back in the day New Warriors was an entirely Code-approved title.

It's a good thing the Comics Code Authority was around back in the old days to keep impressionable kids from being exposed to questionable, adult materials.

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High Moon
In His Likeness
Wondermark
Toothpaste For Dinner
Tom the Dancing Bug
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