April 26, 2007
YMB NFL Mock Draft
by Mikespins, Chewy Sun and Jim Dandy.
1 Oakland: JaMarcus Russell QB, LSU
By CS
With the first pick, the Oakland Raiders select JaMarcus Russell. The need is just too great for QB to ignore, especially with the fact that WR is not a position of dire need. I'm hoping the football gods will make this year's 1-2 QB be more like Bledsoe/Mirer rather than Manning/Leaf, because Russell is the physical specimen vs. the brain of Quinn. QB Stability at last, lord Almighty, QB Stability at last!
2 Detroit: Brady Quinn QB, Notre Dame
By MS
Despite comments suggesting they don't want Quinn Detroit knows they need a young QB. Quinn is the safer choice at QB.
3 Cleveland: Adrian Peterson RB, Oklahoma
By CS
The Cleveland Browns showed their hand early. If they would have kept Ruben Droughns and signed Jamal Lewis, I could have been convinced that they were set at running back, but trading Droughns away to the Giants pretty much sealed the deal for me. Adrian Peterson is much like Jamal Lewis...... before his knee surgery in college, big powerful game-breaking back that is everything you look for in a run based offense. He wasn't asked to receive much in college, but chances are, he won't need the skill for his first year.
Romeo Crennell is under fire, and he would probably have liked a defensive playmaker here, but GM Phil Savage is probably with the franchise until the next coach, and Peterson is the best value/need combination at the 3rd pick.
4 Tampa Bay: Calvin Johnson WR, Georgia Tech
By JD
Next off the board is Calvin Johnson, WR from Georgia Tech. His combination of size and speed makes John Gruden stab thirty or forty toy store employees in glee, and the fact that he didn't have to trade up to get him causes Gruden cackle in delight.
5 Arizona: Joe Thomas, OT Wisconsin
By MS
Arizona jumps at the chance to draft Matt Leinart's personal bodyguard for the next ten years in massive tackle Joe Thomas.
6 Washington: Gaines Adams, DE Clemson
By CS
It was a battle between Gaines Adams and Amobi Okeye, because the Redskins desperately need defensive linemen that are under 30 and effective. Most people expected Gaines Adams to be taken by now, because elite pass rushers are rare, and they play to Dan Snyder's lust for stat producing big names, the Redskins go DE.
7 Minnesota: Leon Hall, CB Michigan
By JD
With Quinn and Adams, their two top choices, off the board, the Minnesota Vikings grab a corner who, like any other respectable NFL player, limits his propositioning and lewd gestures to nightclubs and strip joints instead of doing them on a family lake.
8 Atlanta (from Houston): LaRon Landry, Safety LSU
By MS
Atlanta needs help in the defensive secondary and the best safety falls into their laps.
9 Miami: Amobi Okeye, DT Louisville
By CS
Oooooo, Atlanta pick screws with Miami!
In light of that...... quick! Name a defensive tackle on the Dolphins. No Jason Taylor is a 250lb DE, and on a good day he's 250, but really he's 230. Anyhow, since Tim Bowens retired 3 years ago, they've had no one there, and Keith Traylor is 37, so he SHOULD HAVE retired 3 years ago. So with the 9th overall pick, the Dolphins overcompensate by choosing 19 year old Amobi Okoye of Louisville.
10 Houston: Ted Ginn Jr. WR, Ohio State
Trying too hard to overcompensate for their failure last year, Houston selects Ted Ginn, Jr. to pair with Andre Johnson, though instead of reaching for a WR, they could end up reaching for a corner.
11 San Francisco: Adam Carriker, DE Nebraska
By MS
San Francisco is building for a 3-4 defense. No outside linebackers are worth this pick so they take a true 3-4 defensive end in Carriker.
12 Buffalo: Aaron Ross, CB Texas
By CS
The Vikings selection of Leon Hall really screwed up Buffalo's plans. The two positions of most need is linebacker (London Fletcher and Takeo Spikes were both lost) and corner (Nate Clements) and possibly running back. Anthony A-Train Thomas will let Buffalo skip RB in the 1st round, and Angelo Crowell showed enough last year to possibly fill the void Fletcher left. That leaves them with Aaron Ross, who is big, fast and the lack of dominant WR in the AFC east will allow him time to grow.
13 St. Louis: Alan Branch, DT Michigan
By JD
St. Louis grabs a "potential" pick, ignoring Branch's expanding ass and questionable desire. Be on the lookout, though: the Rams might take a DE, just in case Leonard Little kills someone else's mom.
14 Carolina: Patrick Willis, MLB Ole Miss
By MS
Things get interesting. Carolina could go any number of ways here. Do they take a WR like Robert Meachem or Jarrett? Do they take a RB like Marshawn Lynch or maybe even a pass catching TE like Miami's Greg Olsen?
Nope.
With Dan Morgan's career in jeopardy the Panther's select stud middle linebacker Patrick Willis who is considered by most the only surefire MLB in the draft.
15 Pittsburgh: Darelle Revis, CB Pitt
By CS
If you look at the draft history of the Steelers, you'll know that they won't pick up linebackers in the 1st round. All of their stud linebackers (Greg Lloyd, Joey Porter, and Kendrell Bell) came to them in the later rounds. So the Steelers were looking at a DT to employ a 4-3 defense this year, but Alan Branch got taken. They were also checking on a big play WR still to replace Plexico Burris's departure 2 years ago, but Ted Ginn Jr. was the only WR worthy of the 15th pick. With that in mind, they pick up the hometown hero, Revis, to help shore up their no-name CB corp.
16 Green Bay: Marshawn Lynch, RB California
By JD
With Robert Ferguson, Donald Driver and Greg Jennings, WR might be the only position the Packers are set at, so they go with Lynch, who strikes me as a workout warrior, but hey, what do I know.
17 Jacksonville: Jamal Anderson, DE Arkansas
By MS
The Jaguars waste no time and listen to no offers. They didn't expect Anderson to be there in the latter half of the first round. Yes they have a need for a defensive back and a safety was tempting, but with the massive defensive tackles they have in Henderson and Stroud it's time to get a QB killer.
18 Cincinnati: Paul Poslunzny, OLB Penn State
By CS
With the loss of Brian Simmons (FA) and David Pollock (BROKEN NECK), and the fact that the top DTs and CBs have already been chosen, the Bengals came into this draft looking for the top prospect with no character issues. Unfortunately for them, there are no prospects from BYU, Utah or Weber State worthy of the first round, so they go with the next best thing, a Joe Paterno player, Paul Posluszny, who's going to be the weirdest looking name on a jersey (because Penn State don't have names on jerseys) since the XFL.
19 Tennessee: Robert Meachem, WR Tennessee
By JD
The Titans need someone for Vince Young to throw to in the 3 or 4 games he plays before he gets hurt. Meachem's got size and wheels, and he's about as seasoned as everyone said Young was.
20 NY Giants: Michael Griffin, Safety, Texas
By MS
The Giants have an aging and ineffective secondary. They take Griffin to help shore up the defensive backfield.
21 Denver: Jarvis Moss, OLB/DE Florida
By CS
As it stands right now, there is a TON of quality offensive lineman available, and Denver needs more O-lineman. That said, the kind of O-Lineman Denver employs in their zone-block scheme is very easily acquired in the later rounds, and the only time Mike "Rat Face" Shanahann has picked an o-lineman in the first round was George Foster, who was recently traded away to Detroit. Also in the news, Al Wilson, their former all pro middle linebacker was released, most likely due to long term wear and tear, so instead of wasting another pick, trying to get a quality D-lineman, Rat-Face will chose Jarvis Moss to add a little pass rush, next time he faces Peyton Manning, instead of just letting Peyton sit back and pick off their defense like Manning did kids in his SNL united way commercial.
22 Dallas: Brandon Merriweather, S Miami
By JD
Two head cases in the same locker room? You heard it here, folks. Jerry Jones' rawhide face has always had a soft spot for "character issues from The U," so taking the ringleader in the FIU-Miami "stomping" incident is right up his alley. Added bonus: the kid plays like a corner, and now Roy Williams can go hit something.
23 Kansas City: Dwayne Bowe, WR LSU
By MS
The Chiefs don't have a true #1 WR. That changes with the selection of the big, fast Bowe.
24 New England (from Seattle): Reggie Nelson, S Florida
By JD
Bill Belichick does love those Florida players, and with Rodney Harrison picking up a big injury every year now, the Pats could use some help at safety. Of course, they're just as likely to take Greg Olsen here, but who the hell do you think you are questioning the genius of Belichick?
25 NY Jets: Greg Olsen, TE Miami
By CS
GM Mike Tannenbaum and the Jets needed a CB in a bad way, but all the top prospects at CB have been taken. The Jets needed a TE, but not as badly as CB, however for Greg Olsen to drop this far down, the Jets take 2 minutes to fill out the card, stiff arms Scott Pioli on the way to the podium and get out of Radio City Hall before the Jet fans turn rabid on them.
26 Philadelphia: Brian Leonard, H-Back/FB Rutgers
By MS
Having seen both of their first round targets in Jarvis Moss and Greg Olsen go shortly before their pick the Eagles take a slight reach on Leonard. He fits into the Eagles offense as a pass catching FB or motion H-Back. Drafting this close to the end of the first round the Eagles take a player not rated this high knowing he will be gone before their next pick similar to what they did with Mike Patterson.
27 New Orleans: Lawrence Timmons, OLB Florida St.
By CS
Like the Jets, New Orleans needed some luck to get a CB, and like the Jets (and Mike); Buffalo's pick of Aaron Ross royally cock-blocked their plans. Getting no help by any of the impact free agents, the Saints could take pretty much anything that isn't defensive end on the D side...... so they take the best available talent in Lawrence Timmons. On a side note, they tell the Texans to keep a 7th round pick in mind. The Saints will use one of those to pay back the Texans for skipping Reggie Bush.
28 New England: Levi Brown, OT Penn State
By JD
The Patriots keep rereading their draft board to make sure that they're not hallucinating, then mosey on up with their card and take the second best tackle in the draft.
29 Baltimore: Anthony Spencer, DE Purdue
By MS
Having lost Adalius Thomas to the Patriots in free agency, the Ravens select DE/OLB Spencer to fill the hole. Spence was a college end but is on the small side and projects as an OLB in a 3-4.
30 San Diego: Dwayne Jarrett, WR USC
By CS
After sitting all day, sweating his ass off, pretending to be on the cell phone for hours at a time, Dwayne Jarrett can finally save some face and call himself a first round pick, because the Chargers, desperate for a playmaker at WR, reaches for the wide receiver that's slower as molasses.
31 Chicago: Justin Harrell, DT Tennessee
By JD
Da Bears need someone who can keep offensive linemen off of Brian Urlacher, and while Harrell has some durability issues (coming off a torn biceps from his senior year), incumbent Tank Johnson has jail issues.
32 Indianapolis: Jon Beason, OLB Miami
By MS
The Colts have seen some defensive departures this off-season. There aren't any defensive tackles on the board worth the final first round pick so they go linebacker. Beason is a tackling machine and big time hitter. He can play the run as well as cover the pass. In Beason they are getting a better tackling Cato June.
Discuss this article in our forum.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:30 PM
April 02, 2007
Major League Baseball: 2007 Preview
by Jim Dandy
The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. Its been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But, baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and could be again.
Darth Vader, Star Wars: A New Hope
Do you hear that? The zippers, the cracking sound of wood on leather, the footfalls in the dirt, the yelling, the cheering, the oohs and aahs? Those are the sounds of ATF agents raiding Gary Matthews, Jr.'s home. That means that yet another baseball season is upon us, and thus, I am required to write another article full of incorrect predictions and Boston homerism. AND SO IT BEGINS...
TIER 1: Probably in the playoffs
BOSTON
This team was hammered by injuries last year, depriving them of stability in the rotation, lineup and outfield defense (highlighted by The Adventures of Wily Mo in Right last year), and Beckett made plenty of stupid pitches (36 HR allowed, a career high). Coming into this year, they traded the fragile Trot Nixon for the slightly less fragile JD Drew and picked up about 100 points in career OPS, found a shortstop who wasn't going to hit under .200 for months at a time in Julio Lugo, and grabbed what many consider to be the best pitcher on the market in Dice-K. Barring injury, I expect the Sawx to be the team to beat in the AL East.
DETROIT
Good Lord is their rotation fantastic. Take Guitar Hero out of the mix, and maybe we're looking at the defending World Series champions here. Nate Robinson is said to have picked up a third pitch in the offseason, and you throw him in the mix with Justin Verlander, Jeremy Bonderman and Mike Maroth and even without Kenny Rogers (who played an important role teaching this team how to win last year), they'll do very well. And Sheffield is a nice addition to a lineup that occasionally lacked power last year.
You wail on that fake axe, hoss.
MINNESOTA
A team that has the best pitcher in the game (Johan Santana) and probably three of the top 25 players (Mauer, Morneau and Hunter), but with Liriano down, I don't think their rotation quite has what it takes to win the division. I do think they'll be the wild card this year, and keep an eye on Michael Cuddyer to vault up to the same level as his teammates. Also, when is Joe Nathan finally going to have his praises sung like he deserves? He's consistently been one of, if not the best closer in the game, and he never gets more than a passing nod from people looking at this team. "Joe Nathan's automatic." Damn straight he is.
OAKLAND
I don't like the AL West. Oakland has no trustworthy front end starter or closer (sorry, but Harden, Blanton and Street have burned me plenty in fantasy, and they've burned the A's plenty, too). The Angels have a weak lineup around Vlad and Gary "Suddenly Hits for Power" Matthews, the Rangers have no bullpen and a mediocre rotation, and the Mariners signed Jose Vidro, Jeff Weaver and Jarrod Washburn as their big pickups in the offseason. I guess Oakland wins by default, since Piazza will probably give them a little more pop in the order, but the Angels have more pitching.
PHILADELPHIA
All due respect to Mets fans, but Jimmy Rollins might be right here. Ryan Howard is one of the best sluggers in the game, and he's got solid protection in the order from Chase Utley and Pat Burrell, and the Phillies' rotation of Cole Hamels, Freddy Garcia, Jon Lieber and Brett Myers is superior to anyone else in the NL East, and possibly than anyone in the National League. And no, no Brett Myers jokes.
ATLANTA
Smoltz: An average year for him is still better than a good year for 90% of the pitchers out there.
Tim Hudson: comeback year.
Andruw Jones: contract year.
Brian McCann and Jeff Francoeur: breakout years.
Too many years here. And their bullpen is great.
SAN DIEGO
Nobody in the NL West has a whole hell of a lot of offense, but Adrian Gonzalez and Khalil Green, I'm feeling huge years out of them, and the Brothers Giles will provide adequate offense. But their staff is awesome--Peavy and Maddux bringing up the front, The Gout bringing up the rear, with Hoffman closing. This is where they have their edge.
TIER 2: Could play themselves into the post season
YANKEES
Every year I think this is the year they get too old, too hurt. Every year I'm wrong. Whatever. Eventually I'll be right.
TORONTO
Gustavo Chacin isn't hitting his spots this spring, and BJ Ryan is great against everybody but the Red Sox and Yankees. They've got some exciting young players, especially in the outfield, but without anyone consistently good behind Doc Halladay, it won't happen yet.
CLEVELAND
STAT NERD ALERT: Bill James' Pythagorean Theorem says that the Indians should have won 11 more games than they actually did last year. They didn't because their bullpen was absolutely abominable. So they added Joe Borowski. I'm not convinced he's the answer. See: sucking for the Cubs.
ANGELS
Got a good staff, but the only person other than Vlad Guerrero they have hitting for STEROIDS them is STEROIDS Gary Matthews STEROIDS, Jr. STEROIDS. He had STEROIDS a good year STEROIDS last STEROIDS year, but STEROIDS will it STEROIDS last? I'm not STEROIDS so convinced STEROIDS INVESTIGATION IN WHICH HE WAS NAMED AS A CLIENT.
METS
Sweet Jesus can they hit the hell out of the ball, but I firmly believe their postseason hopes ride on Oliver Perez, Mike Pelfrey and John Maine. Until Pedro comes back, and then again shortly after he goes back on the DL, those are the three pitchers behind El Douche...Duque and Glavine. If Maine and Perez pitch as well as they did last postseason, they'll make the playoffs and me and Jimmy Rollins will look stupid. I'm used to it, but I'm not so sure Rollins is.
No way, baby.
HOUSTON
I'm so iffy on the NL Central that I'm not even bothering to fake it. Roy Oswalt and Jason Jennings (recently liberated from Colorado) give them a good one-two punch at the front of the rotation, and their back end is decent. Lidge is ready to come back to form any time now, and Lance Berkman will have a huge year with a healthy Morgan Ensberg and Carlos Lee hitting around him. But that park is a damn bandbox, and the NL Central will be almost as wild as the AL Central this year.
CINCINNATI
Yeah, I said it. But think about it--moderately good pitching, led by Bronson Pinchot and Aaron Harang (who has the best name in baseball--it sounds like the sound a knife makes just after it was thrown into a tree. HARANG!), a solid lineup led by Adam Dunn and some crackhead, and a decent enough bullpen that, if it gets better, might propel them into the postseason.
I smoke rocks, man.
MILWAUKEE
Prince Fielder's like his dad if he didn't swing at everything. So he's good. They're a young team and if Ben Sheets can stay healthy, he'll take pressure off Jeff Suppan and Dave Bush, and they've got an excellent closer in Francisco Cordero. So we'll see.
ST. LOUIS
Same story as the Yankees. They're a little bit older, a little bit more hurt, and for some reason, they keep winning. Tony LaRussa got a DWI.
DODGERS
They need a breakout year from a young bat to win the division this year. Great rotation, sure. And they're a trendy World Series pick, but I think it's just nostalgia from a bunch of crusty old reporters, who see a gaggle of guys in the starting lineup that are pretty much their age (Luis Gonzalez, Jeff Kent, Nomah). Little do they know, Juan Pierre pretty much sucks ass.
TIER 3: Need everything to fall into place to make the playoffs
TAMPA BAY
Once again, you all think I'm insane, but I really like Kazmir, Crawford, Upton, Delmon Young, Baldelli and Edwin Jackson. They're not there yet, but they seem to be finally moving in the right direction.
BALTIMORE
This might be a little high for them, but they're too mediocre to be cruel to. Bedard and Cabrera are going to be stars, and Chris Ray might be too, but their offense is sluggish and elderly.
WHITE SOX
Completely unimpressive offseason. They offloaded an innings eater in Freddy Garcia for no particularly good reason, and they're hitting Darren Erstad leadoff. He doesn't get on base a whole ton. On an unrelated note, I want an openly gay umpire in the league, so Ozzie Guillen has an excuse to continue being a complete psychopath.
TEXAS
They've got a good lineup, but a weak rotation (Kevin Millwood is their ace. Tells you all you need to know) and a weaker bullpen. But they're getting better.
FLORIDA
Not...quite...there yet. This is an absurdly young team, but they've got a ton of potential. Dontrelle Willis also got a DWI.
CUBS
Outside of Carlos Zambrano, their pitching is pretty craptacular. Ted Lilly could be better this year just from the switch, but I'm not buying it, and it sounds like Soriano is finally becoming the outfield liability everyone predicted he would.
ARIZONA
Again with the NL West team that needs a good year from a young bat, only the difference here is they're ALL young bats, so they're pretty much all unknowns. The NL West has four of the best staffs in the majors (Schmidt, Penny, Randy Wolf on the Dodgers, Brandon Webb, The Mullet, and Livan Hernandez on the Diamondbacks and Matt Cain, Barry Zito, Matt Morris and Noah Lowry in San Francisco), and four of the least inspiring offenses in the majors.
SAN FRANCISCO
This is another team that needs a good year from a young bat. Only problem is, they don't have one. The Giants' locker room probably smells like Ben Gay and mothballs.
Thanks to Life Alert, you can live alone without ever being alone.
COLORADO
This is the only NL West team that has a decent offense, but they have no pitching. Case and point: Byung-Hyun Kim is in their starting rotation.
TIER 4: It's probably better not to say too much about these poor people.
KANSAS CITY
They signed Gil Meche to a 4-year, $55 million contract in the offseason. They probably would have been better served signing [Editor's note: Jim, I don't think anybody knows who Gil De Ferran is.]
[Jim's note: Dennis Miller can talk about the Peloponnesian Wars on Monday Night Football and I can't make a reference to a mid-90s Indy Car driver?]
[Editor's note: Dennis Miller was fired from Monday Night Football.]
[Jim's note: Fine, then find me a famous Gil so I can finish the joke.]
[Editor's note: Dennis Miller was fired from Monday Night Football.]
[Jim's note:...point well taken.]
Gil De Ferran.
SEATTLE
Big offseason signings: Jose Vidro, Jarrod Washburn and Jeff Weaver. Their stadium is purdy.
WASHINGTON
We could be looking at historically bad. Their ace, John Patterson, won 1 game last year. ONE. Brutal.
PITTSBURGH
Jason Bay or Freddy Sanchez should be an All Star! This is the one team in this section of the list that has an inkling of hope--decent young pitching, decent young hitting, but I doubt they put it together this year.
PLAYOFF PICKS:
Twins over the Red Sox
Tigers over the A's
Phillies over the Astros
Padres over the Braves
Tigers over the Twins
Phillies over the Padres
Tigers over the Phillies for the world title.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
April 04, 2006
MLB 2006
A NEW SEASON IS UPON US! And I will bow my head and give thanks for finally having baseball to whine about. I mean, as soon as college basketball is over, all we’d have left would be hockey and the NBA, and their 3 month long playoff processes. No, I prefer my over saturated, 6-games-in-7-days MLB, the freshly cut grass that you start to smell around the same time that baseball starts, the shock you feel the first time you go outside completely overdressed for the temperature and yell out “Holy shit! It’s not cold!” You can’t attach these random, irrational emotions to hockey. Or the NBA.
With the onset of a new season, we also have a horde of new storylines to follow. We will take a look at them…NOW
EAST COAST BIAS: Every year, somebody prominent picks someone from the AL or NL East to win it all, and almost every year (especially lately), they’ve been completely wrong. Even if they get the division right, it ends up being the Marlins winning, somebody that absolutely no one expects. With the strength that the White Sox showed last year, and the improvements they made in the off-season, I don’t think many people are going to make that mistake again this year.
STEVE PHILLIPS WILL PROVE, WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT, THAT HE NEVER BELONGED AS A GM: He was on Baseball Tonight earlier, raving about how lucky the White Sox were that everything went right for them, and that the Indians were going to come close to overtaking them. I immediately named the A’s my Wild Card winner, and the White Sox as the runaway AL Central winner. The man has the baseball acumen of Bill Walton and the television presence of Eric Dickerson.
EIGHT TEAMS FOR FOUR SPOTS: The American League is going to be WIDE open this year. There are, by my count, 7 teams with a legitimate shot at competing for a playoff spot, and there’s ALWAYS one team that nobody ever picks who surprises (hence, the “eight teams.”). There are the Red Sox, Yankees, Blue Jays, Indians, White Sox, A’s and Angels, all trying to squeeze into the playoffs. The interesting thing is, six of the seven of the legit contenders have gaping holes. The Jays have never played together, the Indians are young, the Red Sox lost offense, the A’s and Angels both seem to be lighter hitting than a world champion should, and the Yankees, on top of blowing, have the most fragile pitching staff in the league. The only team that doesn’t have any obvious, non-contrived holes is the White Sox. They have the pitching, they have the hitting, and they have the management to pull it all off again.
As an aside, there’s nothing I hate more than “If they stay healthy…” Seriously, do you qualify everything like that? When you’re making predictions, everyone knows you’re working off of the information you have in front of you. Nobody’s going to come up to you at the end of the season and curse you out for not realizing that Johnny Damon and Alex Rodriguez would have catastrophic knee injuries…doing the same thing…while Randy Johnson would suffer a career ending elbow injury flipping off his baby momma. “Howcome you didn’t know this would happen??!?!??!???!? GOTCHA! YOU’RE A BAD ANALYST!” Jesus, I hate Steve Phillips.
THE WIDENING TALENT GAP?: It’s pretty much commonly accepted that 5 of the top 6 teams in the league are from the American League. That means one of the six best teams in the league won’t make the playoffs. But is the supposed “talent gap” actually widening? Sure, the top of the NL is a little crusty, but then you look at teams like Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, San Diego, even Atlanta and Washington are stocked with kids. In two or three years, we’ll be on the cusp of a decade of National League dominance.
WHERE HAVE YOU GONE, JIMMY ROLLINS?: I don’t care if it’s over the course of two seasons or not, I want Jimmy Rollins to break DiMaggio’s record.
NEW FACES, NEW PLACES: Frank Thomas in Oakland, Carlos Delgado and Billy Wagner in Queens, NOMAAAH in LA, Everyone’s Favorite Aruban in St. Louis, the handful of new impact players in Toronto (I think Overbay is going to end up being their best pickup), Jim Thome with the White Sox, Alfonso Soriano roaming Left in DC, Straight Guy Damon in the Bronx (Perfect fit, man. I can’t wait until he decides to publish his next tell-all book, detailing how he turned his second cumare into his third wife, and how A Rod likes to fly in Thai rentboys to crap on his chest during road trips), and Coco Crisp and Josh Beckett in Boston. Lots of names moving around this winter, and a lot of them are going to have a major impact on their team’s success.
On the subject of Coco Crisp, I really can’t wait until my “Toucan Sam” Sox jersey gets here.
NOW, ONTO THE PREDICTIONS!
NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cardinals
NL West: It doesn’t really matter.
NL Wild Card: Braves
Cardinals over Braves
Mets over whoever wins the West
Mets over Cardinals
AL East: Red Sox
AL Central: White Sox
AL West: Angels
AL Wild Card: A’s
Red Sox over A’s
White Sox over Angels
White Sox over Red Sox
IN THE WORLD SERIES:
White Sox over Mets
And there you have it. The upcoming season in a nutshell. I don’t think I’m forgetting anything, right? OH WAIT!
OH MY GOD, LOOK AT HIS FOREHEAD: Barry Bonds is a dick. Bud Seilg is everything you would expect out of an executive with the same name as that kid on the Cosby Show. Rafael Palmeiro is slime (Happy Anniversary, douchebag!). And this steroid mess is a complete and total disaster for the sport. A good commissioner would have dealt with this ten years ago. A mediocre commissioner would have realized that an investigation into steroid use in the sport ten years ago would be either completely meaningless or completely devastating, and would have just apologized for screwing up and told the public “We’re going to be on the cutting edge of steroid and HGH testing from this point forward. I won’t allow these drugs or these fools to taint this game any further.” A terrible commissioner just opened the very same meaningless investigation. And if the scapegoat that they pick (because don’t kid yourself, they’re going to use this investigation to scapegoat someone) is anyone short of Barry Bonds himself, I’m going to be furious. If they try and pin it on Palmiero, I’ll be furious. If they pin it on Canseco, I’ll be slightly less furious (only because he’s one legitimate “name” who might be more responsible than others—he was essentially the big dealer). They either need to bring everyone down, bring down the Sultan of Syringe, or bring no one down. Any half-assing it in this investigation will be more damaging to the sport than no investigation at all. And while I’m on a tear…
FOAMING LUNATICS: I particularly hate how the steroid scandal has turned otherwise sane, rational commentators into two-bit Skip Bayless hacks. I’m looking forward to this crap just going away, and everything getting back to normal. A world where the only Skip Bayless is Skip Bayless, and I can go back to pretending he doesn’t exist.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 02:41 PM
September 08, 2005
NFL Season Preview
It’s that time of year again. Time for sweaty, muscle-bound men in tight pants fondling the asses of sweaty, pudgy men in tight pants while being chased around by other sweaty, muscle-bound men trying to throw tapered leather balls back and forth, with the occasional pile-up of man-meat. I don’t know about you, but I’m excited. I’m here to tell you who’s a top and who’s a bottom.
AFC
The AFC is wide open this year. There are only three teams that clearly won’t challenge for a playoff berth, and one that probably won’t. Everyone else has a decent shot. That means 12 teams for 6 spaces. Nuts, right?
1. New England Patriots
It's all about the bling-bling and the bitches
Can they do it without Crennel, Weis, Bruschi and Johnson? Is Belicheck that good? We’ll find out this year. Until it’s proven otherwise, I’m going to go with “yes.”
2. Indianapolis Colts
They have to play almost perfect this season, because I don’t see Peyton breaking his Belicheck Jinx in Foxboro. Fortunately for the Colts, it looks like they’ve got the personnel on defense to do it.
3. Baltimore Ravens
All the preseason rankings are sweating the Jets, but the Ravens’ switch to a 4-3/4-6 alignment is terrifying. If Boller’s half as good as he’s supposed to be, they could be playing deep into January.
4. Kansas City Chiefs
The AFC’s top-ranked offense gets Patrick Surtain, Kendrell Bell and Defensive Rookie of the Year candidate Derrick Johnson. If the defense is any good, this team will be great.
5. San Diego Chargers
If Brees plays like he did last year, Philip Rivers will be traded next year and Schottenheimer will still choke in the first round of the playoffs. Because that’s Martyball.
6. New York Jets
HEIMERDINGER!
The Jets have a young secondary, which isn’t a huge problem in a division with JP Losman and whatever tackling dummy the Dolphins throw out there. What is a problem is their weakness at defensive tackle, in a division with Dillon, McGahee and Ricky Williams.
7. Cincinnati Bengals
A decent defensive improvement will certainly be enough for a winning record, and maybe enough for a playoff berth.
8. Houston Texans
If their offensive line can play and their defense can get some stops, they’ll finish 9-7. If not, Dom Capers will be collecting unemployment come January.
9. Jacksonville Jaguars
The question in Jacksonville is: who’s going to catch the ball? Jimmy Smith is aging and slowing, and Reggie Williams and Matt Jones are both young and inexperienced. I see .500 for them.
10. Pittsburgh Steelers
Make it so.
Bill Cowher is the most consistent coach in the league. Even years, his team loses in the AFC Championship game. Odd years, they miss the playoffs completely. It’s like the Star Trek rule for football. Odd numbered year this year.
11. Buffalo Bills
Their defense and running game are great, but Losman is a blank slate. If he plays well, limits mistakes, and throws accurately (and frequently) enough downfield to keep defenses out of the box, they’re higher than 11th.
12. Denver Broncos
The Broncos would be awesome but for three things: Jake Plummer sucks, the Broncos defense sucked ass when it was the Browns defense, and Shanahan sucks. They’re highly overrated this year.
13. Oakland Raiders
Their offense will be loads of fun, but their defense will be enough to drive Kerry Collins to drink.
…too soon?
14. Tennessee Titans
Como estan, bitches?
NORM CHOW, BITCHES! With another year of cap space and another year of progress for their preschool-aged defense, they’ll compete. Next year. This year will be rough.
15. Cleveland Browns
Dilfer is too steady for them to go 0-16, or even 1-15. Yeah. That’s all I got for them. OOH OOH OOH! Also, Braylon Edwards wore the best draft day suit.
16. Miami Dolphins
If all 53 players on the Patriots, all 53 Jets, and all 53 Bills get season-ending injuries before week 6, the Dolphins MIGHT make the playoffs.
NFC
The NFC is getting better. There’s still a small group of “haves,” and a big group of “have-nots.” The “haves” group is getting bigger, though.
1. Philadelphia Eagles
They earned the #1 spot, and as such, it’s theirs to lose. But they’re on that road. Losing Pinkston, Buckhalter and Simon were big hits. And an unhappy Westbrook and TO being TO aren’t helping, either. They’re only one injury away from a bad, bad year.
2. Atlanta Falcons
If Vick progresses significantly, they will challenge for the top spot. As it is, they’re number 2 on the strength of their defense. They’ve got holes at wideout, but they’ve also got Vick.
3. Minnesota Vikings
Despite losing Moss, this team should be a lot better. Smoot, Winfield and Napoleon Harris are all a big step up over last year. So why do I have lingering doubts about this team? Mike Tice. If he’s as crappy as I suspect, they’ll struggle to make the playoffs.
4. Carolina Panthers
Hey man, I'll tell you what man, you dang ol' drove it here. I'm talkin' about you... Drive it back. Dang ol' traitors, man
They have a quick defense and that ridiculous, 135-headed Hydra running game. And John Fox and Jake Delhomme, a consistently underrated quarterback. They’re the “sexy” Super Bowl pick, and I’m not so sure I disagree.
5. Dallas Cowboys
Everyone’s RAAAAAAAAAving about their defense, and freaking out about Bledsoe. As with everything else, reality is probably somewhere in between. They could put a scare in the Eagles this year.
6. Detroit Lions
Harrington’s under a ton of pressure this year, but with all the weapons he’s got, it would be hard to be anything but decent.
7. Seattle Seahawks
I have no idea how the NFC West is going to shake out. My gut says Holmgren plus an unknown, probably mediocre defense plus wideouts who can’t catch is still greater than Mike Martz.
8. Chicago Bears
HA! You think I’m crazy, don’t you? Their defense is going to be solid this year, and I’ve thought highly of Kyle Orton since I first saw him play at Purdue. I don’t think they’ll make the playoffs, but they’ll definitely be respectable this year.
9. St. Louis Rams
Do you think Mike Martz wakes up every day and says to himself, “I’m so awesome, I make me want to crap my pants.” And then, whenever he walks past a mirror, he actually does crap himself? Grooming must be difficult. Their offensive line is a mess, their secondary is a mess, their running backs are not good, linebackers are a mess. They actually may be significantly worse than I’m projecting.
10. Arizona Cardinals
They’re definitely on the rise. JJ Arrington could be good, and they’re set at receiver, but they still have no defense to speak of.
11. New Orleans Saints
This team is so hard to read, especially after Katrina. They’ve got the talent to make a run, but they’ve lacked consistency, heart and good coaching. Who knows how things will change for them. They could make the playoffs, they could have the first pick next year.
12. New York Giants
Isn't he adoreable?
On both offense and defense, they look improved, but still a year away. On the bright side, I’m quite enjoying the “kinder, gentler” Tom Coughlin. You just wanna hug him.
13. Green Bay Packers
Their great offensive line took a step backwards this offseason. As for their defense, they might stop more people if they put 11 street cones at random places in the field. “Pray they trip” should be the team’s motto.
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Another team ravaged by age and the cap. They should just put in Simms and make him learn on the fly.
15. Washington Redskins
I like Joe Gibbs. Nice guy, pretty good coach. But is there a way for the Feds to take over for Dan Snyder? At this point, I think FEMA would do a better job managing that team.
…too soon?
16. San Francisco 49ers
Smith, Frank Gore, and Mike Nolan are all steps in the right direction. Losing Herrion is going to make it a tough year for them, though.
PLAYOFFS:
Seeding:
1. Patriots 1. Eagles
2. Colts 2. Falcons
3. Ravens 3. Vikings
4. Chiefs 4. Seahawks
5. Chargers 5. Panthers
6. Jets 6. Cowboys
Wild Card:
Ravens over Jets, Chiefs over Chargers (and boy will that chap Marty’s ass)
Vikings over Cowboys, Panthers over Seahawks
Divisional:
Patriots over Chiefs, Colts over Ravens (in a much better game than last year’s)
Panthers over Eagles (the running game), Vikings over Falcons (I don’t know. Going with my gut.)
Championship:
Patriots over Colts (Colts over Patriots if it’s in Indy)
Vikings over Panthers (I DON’T KNOW SHUT UP!)
Super Bowl:
Patriots over Vikings
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 05:00 PM
August 02, 2005
Documenting the Atrocities: Part 1
Part I: TIM MCCARVER, DUMBEST MAN IN AMERICA.
by Jim Dandy
Dear God, I'd pay money to hear him explain ANYTHING to brain surgeons.
I decided to do an ongoing feature. It seems to be common knowledge that color commentators at sporting events are possibly the dumbest and worst possible people to give a microphone to. I’m pretty sure the major sports networks could follow around a local TV news crew and hire the guy the news crew just interviewed (the idiot interviewed for “local flavor” with keen insights into murders and kidnappings, like “He never seemed like a HI MOM bad guy to me” or “I think they should chemically castrate jaywalkers”) to do color for these games, and they would be a marked improvement over the morons in the booth now. I’m using this column to document the atrocities from the All Star game, brought to us by the insightful team of Joe “Moral Outrage” Buck and Tim McCarver. After, I’m going to look at the Abu Ghraib pictures to make myself feel better.
And McCarver offers up a gem in the first inning.
“How about Abreu, wins the Home Run hitting contest and comes out the next night and hits a single.”
Thank CHRIST you actually played the game, and you’re able to give us that keen insight, Tim. Not “HR Derby pitching is easier than BP pitching” but “Isn’t it amazing that he’s not swinging for the fences, even though he’s a good hitter?”
“Two Lees on the National League squad tonight!”
I bet there’s someone in Detroit who’s named “Smith,” too, Timmy.
Aside: Fox just played “Like A Rock” going to commercial. Just throwing that out there. Do with it what you will.
Johnny Damon hits a ball in the hole between short and third, and McCarver called it a “Designed play.” I wish he’d do football games. He’d be mystified.
And now, Hair Metal from Fox.
OH MY GOD. They played that Eminem song where he yells a few times, the one with the Crank Yankers puppets in the video. McCarver just did the “aah aah aah aah aah aah.” Awesome.
Fo' shizzle.
Re: Vlad Guerrero. “It’s not a strike zone, it’s more of a strike area.” Later, Tim will tell us why “Home Plate” is better than “Fourth Base.”
Thanks to Fox Sports, we have this inane exchange following Johnny Damon’s exit from the game:
Buck: “Johnny Damon is out, and now we have hair stylists around the nation tuning out.”
McCarver: “All the salons on the West Coast…”
What the hell? All the salons on the west coast what, Tim? Are bananas? Why only on the West Coast? What about East Coast salons? Do they have a Death Row/Bad Boy style feud going on? The asshole from that show on Bravo, did he hire a hit squad to take out Vidal Sasson at a fight in Vegas? Why am I trying to understand the mind of this madman?
Brian Roberts rips a double down the 1st base line, and the RF umpire makes the fair call (not first base umpire Tim Welke).
“I’m not too sure Tim Welke saw that ball all that well, and he deferred to the Right Field umpire.”
Damn fine observation, Sherlock. I thought that the first base umpire shattered his arm trying to signal fair, in some kind of freak accident. Thank God you’re doing color commentary.
Discuss this article on our forums.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 02:19 PM
July 14, 2005
MIDSEASON AWARDS!
by Jim Dandy
We’re at the All-Star break now, and I’ve got a handful of trophies for the good, the bad, and the really, ridiculously hideous from the first half of the season.
Most Valuable Player
American League
Candidates: Manny Ramirez, Brian Roberts, Vladimir Guerrero, Miguel Tejada, Mark Texira
Texira gets eliminated automatically for disappointing his country in the Home Run Derby. Shameful. Tejada is having a great statistical season, but he splits the votes with Roberts (more will be said of him later), and the Orioles recent fade isn’t helping either of their causes. So it comes down to Manny and Vlad. Let’s go point by point.
Crazy Hair: wash.
Violence of Swing: Vlad
Ability to hit absolute garbage: Vlad
Aloofness: Manny by a country mile
Stats: Tough one. Manny’s played more games, so it has to go to him.
Team impact: Insane to judge, but I’ll try. In Sox wins (hat tip to Buster Olney), Manny’s hitting .335, with 18 homers, and 54 RBI. In Boston losses, he’s hitting .194 with four homers and 23 RBI. On the other hand, we have Vlad, whose Angels were decent without him, barely clinging to a lead over the Rangers in the AL West. Vlad comes back, and the Angels are now starting to walk away from the pack. Guy hit .440 in June, and the Angels are still my pick to win it all, so it goes to Guerrero.
National League
Candidates: Derrek Lee, Albert Pujols, Andruw Jones, Dontrelle Willis
Willis can’t win because he’s a pitcher, and the MVP voters are mildly retarded. He and Jones are in the same boat, though—their performances have essentially been carrying mediocre (even high-mediocre) teams. Everybody on the Braves has been hurt for some period of time this year, from Tim Hudson and Chipper Jones all the way down to their Assistant to the Traveling Secretary, who missed some time with a strained quad earlier this year. Willis, well, you’ll see later. So we’re left with Lee and Pujols. Let’s break it down again.
Minutiae: Derrek Lee plays for the Cubs, so he’s surrounded with interesting little tidbits of information, but Pujols wins EASILY with this info from his ESPN.com bio: "Pronounced: POO-holes" That’s almost enough to give him the MVP right there.
Team Performance: The Cards are the best team in the NL, and the only team there who can really contend for a World Series title. The Cubs are fading fast.
Stats: Lee leads the league in every statistical category, making up for the ground he lost to Poo-Holes in the minutiae category.
Prior awards: Pujols has the MVP of his class-A league, NL Rookie of the Year, and would have been MVP the last 3 years except for that guy Barry Bonds. Lee has a Gold Glove.
Since Pujols has a record of continued success, almost assuring him of a future MVP award, I’m giving it to Derrek Lee.
Cy Young
American League
Candidates: Roy Halladay, Jon Garland, Matt Clement, Mark Buehrle
Kenny Rogers would be in here, but there was that whole thing with the stuff and the guy. You know what I’m talking about. That dude. And the thing he did.
Halladay gets eliminated because he plays for Toronto. Whatever. Shut up. Seriously, his knee injury is going to hurt his standing for this. Clement is eliminated because while he’s been great, he just doesn’t have that Cy Young feel to him. Garland and Buehrle would probably split the votes in a final tally, but I really think one of them is going to end up with it. And I’m fairly confident it’s going to be Buehrle. He’s been one of the most underrated pitchers in the American League for the last 5 years—consistently giving the White Sox 15-20 wins every year, no matter how crappy their team has been. Well, now they’re good, and Mark (I’m tired of writing out that last name) should be recognized for being their ace.
National League
Candidates: Roger Clemens, Roy Oswalt, Dontrelle Willis, Pedro Martinez, Livan Hernandez
What a lineup. This is going to be a very difficult award to hand out. Clemens immediately gets crossed out because he’s the offspring of the fallen angel Lucifer, the forked-tongue backstabbing piece of crap. Livan Hernandez, while he’s having a great year for a sleeper team, just doesn’t have the numbers.
As for the remaining three, all three are in the top 5 in the National League in Wins and ERA, and Willis is one inning shy of putting all three in the top 5 in innings pitched. Pedro leads the NL in strikeouts, with Willis and Oswalt tied for 12th, while Oswalt leads all non-Satanic National League pitchers in ERA and Willis is tied for the league lead in wins. How the hell do you choose between the three? The only way I can see is team impact.
Pedro is the anchor of the Mets rotation. Without him, the Mets would be terrible. As it stands now, though, they’re still only mediocre.
Oswalt has been fighting to pull his team out of the depths of the NL Central cellar, and has them competing again, but there’s that issue of his demon teammate.
Willis wins, because the Marlins are still contending for both the wild card and the NL East division crown, and he’s got very little else on his team going for him right now.
Best Reliever
American League
Candidates: Joe Nathan, Mariano Rivera, Dustin Hermanson, Francisco Rodriguez
Rivera hasn’t given up a run to anyone but the Red Sox this year, apparently, but I’m still going to give it to Nathan. Joe Nathan has been one of the 2 or 3 best closers in the game for the last several years, and he always gets overlooked for awards. So despite Rivera’s continued awesomeness, Nathan.
National League
Candidates: Jason Isringhausen, Brad Lidge, Derrek Turnbow, Chad Cordero
Isringhausen is continued excellence, Lidge is the up and coming flamethrower, and Derrek Turnbow from the Brewers is Jeff Spiccoli. 
Chad Cordero is the one guy you can single out, one big reason for the Nationals’ success. He’s got 31 saves in 34 opportunities—nearly automatic. That’s how the Nationals can be 16 games over .500 and yet be outscored by opponents.
Rookie of the Year
American League
Candidates: Gustavo Chacin, Huston Street, Nick Swisher
For me, this is all about two people—Chacin and Street. Chacin had a great great first quarter, but the Jays have been kind of stumbling along, not doing much of anything. The A’s have shown some life in the AL West, and coincidentally enough, all it took was Octavio Dotel going to the DL for the season for them to start winning. Huston Street stepped in and was an immediate and dramatic upgrade for the A’s. He wins.
National League
Candidates: Yhency Brazoban, Clint Barmes, Ryan Church
It says something that Barmes has been out for like, a month and a half and he’s still the fifth best player available in my fantasy league. One skill he must learn is patience in the face of slow moving elevators when hauling several tens of pounds of deer meet into his apartment building.
Managers of the Year:
There’s very little competition for these awards, not because there have been loads of crap managers, but because 2 really stand out. Ozzie Guillen for the White Sox and Frank Robinson of the Nationals have their teams playing out of their trees, and it looks to stay that way all year. Bobby Cox certainly enters into the discussion, because this year’s Braves have suffered through some pretty ridiculous injury problems, but I can’t in good conscience not recognize Guillen and Robinson.
Surprise Player
American League
Candidates: Brian Roberts, Jon Garland
Garland’s been nothing before this year, but every report has Mark Buehrle playing a huge role in his development (working quickly, getting into a groove, and trusting his catcher). Brian Roberts had 50some doubles last year, and his power production this year has been because he increased his strength enough to turn half those doubles into home runs. So because you could see a progression leading to Roberts’ breakout this year, and Garland came out of nowhere, I’m giving it to Garland.
National League
Candidates: Derrek Lee, Livan Hernandez
Livan’s not really a surprise—he’s been a consistently good pitcher who’s been put in a no-pressure situation where he can be an ace again. Lee, however, is having a monster season in statistical categories he just shouldn’t be (batting average being the most notable—he’s a career .266 hitter who’s hitting .378 this year). Lee wins.
Surprise Teams
I figured I’d knock both out without separating them, because hands down it’s the Nationals and White Sox again.
Now the fun really starts. The “Crappies”:
Least Valuable Player
American League
Up until last week, it would have been Jason “Mysterious Pituitary Gland Growth” Giambi, but he’s on fire right now and carrying the Yanks, and the local media is all up in his Kool-Aid, so whatever. I’ve also seen people listing Juan Gonzalez (Juan Gone—excellent nickname. It still applies!), but really, how dumb are you to have expected anything from him this year? He’s played a grand total of what, 2 games in the last 3 years? The Indians took a flier on him for crap money. If he produced, he would have been a pleasant surprise. As it stands, they’re only out nothing (I’m sure they had insurance), and you get sportswriters with their panties in a bunch over a superstar who even injured has more skills than their dumpy asses ever had (always enjoyable to the fans). Win-win where I’m sitting. For me, this year’s LVP is head and shoulders above the crowd. It’s Slumpin Sammy Sosa. Ever since they took his cork AND his juice, he’s been nothing, but nostalgia keeps getting him paid.
National League
Up yours, Mike Lowell. Keep making me look bad, and there’s going to be hell to pay.
Crap Pitcher
American League
David Wells gets honorable mention for comparing a sleazy cameraman doing his job to a rapist. And also for sucking. The entire Royals organization too garners honorable mention, but pointing out that the Royals suck is like giving Barry Bonds the MVP when he plays a full season at this point. So the big winner is Dewon Brazelton, the “future ace” of the Devil Rays. I’ll let Mark Topkin of the St. Petersburg Times take it from here:
“Dewon Brazelton. Eight losses, a 6.84 ERA…[then] went AWOL for three weeks after being demoted to Triple A with no explanation, though manager Lou Piniella said the specifics were ‘between the team psychologist and whomever.’"
National League Crap Pitcher AND Worst Free Agent Acquisition
We have a dual winner! Eric “Whiplash” Milton! If 66 home runs in a season and an unintelligible tourism commercial for the Dominican Republic by Sammy Sosa is enough to win him nostalgia contracts, then I think we can award a bonus “lifetime achievement Crappie” goes to whatever genius in the Reds’ front office decided bringing in a gopher-ball prone pitcher to a homer-friendly ballpark was a good idea.
Worst Manager
Sweet Lou Pinella is the first manager in my lifetime to ever openly campaign to get fired. At least Larry Brown has the decency to play intricate PR games with the Pistons. Take a bow, Sweet Lou. And leave first base right where it is.
Surprise Crap
American League Player:
Honorable mention go to Brett Boone (the tearful goodbye keeps him off the top of the list) and Keith Foulke (who we now find out was injured all season). The winner of this Crappie is…
Johan Santana.
Santana, you say? Why would you put last year’s Cy Young winner on the list, Jim? He leads the AL in strikeouts! You crazy.
I know he seems like he doesn’t belong on here, but with last year raising his expectations so high, 7-5 with a nearly 4 ERA (high-level mediocrity, basically) is a disappointment. Foulke, after last October, has been shockingly terrible. And Boone is what, 2 years removed from being one of the top 2nd basemen in the game? But Foulke was bound to drop off, and Boone was already sliding down. Santana was expected to continue his lights-out performances, maybe unfairly, but still.
American League Team:
Tampa’s disappointing, but they sucked anyway. It just sucks that they’re not really making any forward progress. Cleveland was supposed to compete, and they’re starting to now. The winner is probably Seattle, being more disappointing because of all the money they spent. Not much snark for them, though. They have young pitching progressing (not quickly enough for some, but still) and old pitching on their way out the door, but no one expected them to be this bad after all the money they spent.
National League Player:
We’ve got Danny Kolb, the flash-in-the-pan ex-closer from Milwaukee, now in Atlanta, who has absolutely BOMBED. We also have Corey Patterson and Austin Kearns, two “rising stars” who’re now freefalling through the Cubs’ and Reds’ respective farm systems. But the winner, for me, has to be Barry Bonds. His half-assedness led to him being out MUCH longer than he should be, and his personal vendetta against Pedro Gomez (why the hell does ESPN keep him out there, anyway?) has gone so far that I half expect Bonds to walk up to Gomez at his next press conference and just start mushroom slapping the guy.
National League Team:
It’s a tie between the Marlins and the top of the National League West. The Marlins’ pitching has been so good, but their hitting has been soooooooooooooo bad. They should be winning the division, and it’s their own fault that theyr’re not. The NL West looks like a geriatric orgy—limp and messy.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
May 24, 2005
State of the NBA: The Point Guard Part 2
by Mike Ducey
The Youth Movement
There’s a new crop of point guards who have come into the league over the last couple of seasons who all show signs of turning into quality NBA players. Chicago’s Kirk Hinrich, Indiana’s Jamaal Tinsley, Seattle’s Luke Ridnour and New Orleans’ Dan Dickau have all shown the potential to develop into reliable floor generals.
And that’s just where it starts. An even younger crop of point guards is just waiting for the opportunity to bust out. The LA Clippers Shaun Livingston is a 19 year-old 6’7” classic style point guard, a combination of size and point guard skills that is not seen very often. People rave about his court vision and passing ability. At his height he can see over defenses, a distinct advantage for a quality passer. He has a lot to prove but his skillset is undeniable.
The Clippers would be wise to build their future around phenom Shaun Livingston and his hair
Portland’s Sebastian Telfair is another 19 year-old with a good future ahead of him. Telfair has similar upside to Livingston although in a much smaller 6’ frame. The kid just seems to know where everybody is on the court at all times and makes difficult passes look easy.
It’s hard to imagine how good each of these players could potentially be after a few years of experience. Afterall, they have 5-6 seasons under their respective belts they’ll still just be entering their primes.
One of my personal favorite PGs is Memphis’ Earl Watson. Watson has been stuck behind Jason Williams in the pecking order but when he gets on the floor it’s apparent that his basketball IQ is superior to that of Williams’. Somebody needs to give that kid a chance to play 30 minutes a night. Watson is a free agent this offseason and hopes to find a home where he can be the starting point guard. Somebody will be very happy that they gave him the chance to do so.
And that’s not to knock J-Will. Williams has regressed some as of late, but over the previous two seasons his game had been successfully reigned in to the point that the notoriously wild guard was near the top of the league in assist-to-turnover ratio. While it is good to see J-Will learn from his experiences he is best in a platoon situation, sharing the load with another quality point guard.
My game is real, but I am not!
Thinking Outside the Box
This set of players is a group of non-traditional point guards. For the most part these guys have taken on specific roles to augment the talent that their teams have at other positions.
In Houston Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming get most of the touches on offense. Early in the season the Rockets realized that they had a black hole at the point guard spot and made a number of moves in an attempt to address that weakness. Independently none of the players that Houston brought in are talented enough to run the team, but the strengths of these players complement each other very well. Mike James is the most traditional-style point guard on the roster, but he is most effective as a role player. Bob Sura is a key player for the Rockets because although he is not really a true point guard (or shooting guard, for that matter) he does all the little things that need to be done. It is very important for a team that is built around 2 all-stars to have players like Sura aboard to do the dirty work. Some games Sura will score 20 points. Other games Sura won’t score at all but will wind up with double-digit assists. And sometimes you look at a Houston box score and see that Sura led the team in rebounds that night. Sura fills in gaps wherever those gaps may be on any given night. He may not do anything exceptionally well but he does a little bit of everything well enough. David Wesley and Jon Barry also play important roles in the backcourt, serving as the deep threats. When defenses key in on Yao and T-Mac these guys can go off.
Chauncy Billups winds up in this section because he is a tough guard to classify. At times Chauncey shows good passing skills and at other times he is more of a scorer. Chauncey has a deceptively quick first step and loves to attack the basket. Detroit, as mentioned earlier, is a defensive-minded team and Chauncey brings toughness to the backcourt. If Billups was asked to be a primary scorer or conversely to shoot the ball less his weaknesses would be more apparent, but he is a perfect fit in his role with the Pistons, and seems to get better with experience.
The Miami Heat’s Damon Jones takes 3 pointers. That’s what he does, and he does it well. On some rosters this approach would lead to a lot of bench warming but he’s a great fit for the Heat. For one thing, phenom Dwyane Wade is the primary ball-handler and passer on this team, and that’s not going to change anytime soon. Secondly, the offense runs through Shaq in the paint, and having a deep threat like Damon Jones waiting for the kick-out pass is vital to the team’s success. Jones has embraced his role as a jump shooter and has fit in very nicely with his teammates.
Jeff McInnis plays a similar role in Cleveland, as a jump shooting threat on a team that has a player at a different position responsible for the ball-handling and decision-making. You may have heard of him, a young hotshot named LeBron James. James is an unquestioned future superstar in the NBA. He is an uncanny passer, particularly for a small forward. McInnis thrived earlier this season playing aside James but slumped toward the end of the season. Cleveland could use a stronger backcourt to help out LBJ, and odds are that this weakness will be addressed over the offseason. If McInnis stays on the roster he’ll likely come off the bench, the role that he is most suited for given his ability to spell either a point guard or shooting guard.
Atlanta’s Tyronn Lue, the Lakers’ Chucky Atkins, Utah’s Keith McLeod and Milwaukee’s Maurice Williams are other players who have been pressed into starting roles because there are no better options on their respective teams. Each has had big games here and there but none are likely to be start at the point guard slot for their teams long term.
Wildcards
Lastly, there are two very intriguing young point guards in the league who have shown flashes of brilliance but are far too inconsistent at this point in their careers. Toronto’s Rafer “Skip to my Loo” Alston and New Orleans’ Speedy Claxton are two players whose development I will closely be watching. Alston is very talented but frequently tries to do too much. He is a former street baller and plays on sheer instinct a lot of the time. Instincts such as his cannot be taught by coaches, but he has the tendency (again, the “t” word) to rely on those instincts too much. Alston has had clashes with his coach this season, another big red flag for a young player. If Alston can learn to trust his teammates and his coaches, he could flourish in the NBA. But right now that “if” looms pretty large.
Claxton is another very quick player (no, “Speedy” is not his birth name) who can beat almost anybody off the dribble. But Claxton tends to play a little bit out of control, and he is unlikely to beat out sound decision-maker Dan Dickau for the starting position next season. It would be great to see what Speedy could do if given the reigns to a young talented team, but he may be destined to be a backup. Claxton does have a high ceiling talent-wise, perhaps that talent could still lead to future success.
The NBA lost a big chunk of its fan base after Michael Jordan retired. While young players such as LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Carmelo Anthony are bringing back some of that lost swagger it’s the overall quality of the NBA that must improve if it is to win back fans. With more and more talented players running teams from the point guard position the league is primed for a comeback, and if half of these younger players reach their potential the NBA will be in good hands for a long time.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 08:12 AM
May 23, 2005
Quarter-Season Review
by Jim Dandy
We’re right around the quarter way point for the baseball season, and what better time for knee-jerk predictions than at an arbitrary cutoff point 3 months before the games really matter! Seriously, though, by the 40, 41 game mark, some things cease to be hot starts and start to turn into good years. And it’s a good time to peer into the crystal ball and see what might be coming.
American League
What I like:
Baltimore. Baltimore has been playing out of their tree so far. They’ve been hitting the cover off the ball, particularly Brian Roberts, and Sammy Sosa hasn’t been doing anything yet. Wait until he gets a chance to cork his bats up, and then see how good they’re doing. Their starting pitching, while young, has been fantastic, and with the run support they’re getting, fantasy-wise, their starters should have good everything except ERA and WHIP.
Boston. Confession, if you didn’t already figure it out: I’m a Sawx fan. And, not to gloat, but a few members of the community who have been there through our travels might remember me saying Matt Clement is a great pickup for Boston. Turns out I was right. So far. On top of that, you’ve got Bronson Pinchot Arroyo pitching lights out, and Schilling and Wells on the DL. These guys are going to be rough come September and October.
ChiSox. Where the hell did this come from? Sweet Jesus, they’re scoring runs, their pitchers are throwing great, and all of a sudden these guys have the best record in the majors. They have led at some point in every game they’ve played so far, and they’re 14-5 in one run games. I have NO idea what this is about, and I have even less of a clue if they can keep it up. Minnesota seems like they’re winning every day the Sox lose. I don’t know. Keep an eye on them for the wild card.
Johan Santana. Went almost a calendar year without losing. He’s amazing.
John Garland & Mark Buehrle. Buster Olney’s blog on ESPN.com has a story (Insider only, sorry) about how Buehrle never shakes off a sign from his catcher, just throws what the guy tells him to. Garland noticed this, and decided to do the same thing. The two are now a combined 15-1. And the hysterical part of this? Their catcher is A.J. Pierzynski, the guy called a “cancer” by his pitchers in San Francisco.
Brian Roberts. He’s already more than doubled his home run totals from a year ago, and if you look at all the long doubles he hit last year, it’s fairly clear that his power isn’t due to a complex understanding of chemistry. He’s also third in batting average (.370), hits (on pace for just over 200) and RBI (30, on pace for more than 120), first in runs, and second in homers, on base percentage and steals. That’s just ridiculous.
What I Don’t Like:
Oakland: Hit the damn ball already! This is Moneyball at its worst. For those who don’t know, Moneyball is the theory that you go after players who get on base a lot—high on base percentage. That’s great and all, but at this point they seem to be waiting for the other team to walk in a run for them. There’s a BIG BLACK LINE between patience and lack of aggression. The A’s are completely lacking in aggression. Also: dump Dotel. He’s not working out too good.
Cleveland: Come on. Caam ahn. Caaaaam aaahn. Aah?
The Indians were supposed to compete for the AL Central crown this year. Their kids were finally going to come of age. Instead, they’re playing like crap and, if not for the Royals (returned from their brief foray into mediocrity), would be bringing up the rear of the division. Coco Crisp (swear to God, here's his bio) is more concerned with his rap album than the game, and what’s up with Travis Hafner, a sneaky late round fantasy pickup for the last few years? All his stats are down from last year, and last year was supposed to be the start of a trend, not a fluke.
Closers: This goes for both leagues. Keith Foulke’s ERA is over 7, Mariano Rivera blew a few saves in April, and Octavio Dotel just blew. Armando Benitez spared the Giants about 15 late-season lost leads by demolishing his hammy, HHH style (trying to put Felipe Alou through a table, oddly enough) and Danny Kolb is alternating between “good closer” and “no wonder he used to play for the Brewers.” Also, the Cubs (need I say more?) It seems like the only name who can still get anyone out is Joe Nathan. The White Sox are using a committee (Hermanson and Takatsu). All the healthy ones should come around at some point, though. It’s mostly just early season mechanical problems. Except Dotel. He sucks.
NL Transplants: Adrian Beltre and Edgar Renteria are both hitting like crap, Richie Sexon’s batting average is about 50 points lower than his career average, and Randy Johnson isn’t pitching like the Big Unit (I remember hearing somewhere that his wife gave him that nickname. Yeah, you keep telling yourself it’s because he’s 6’11”, Peter Gammons). The plus side: they’re all in a period of adjustment. I fully expect Renteria and Sexon’s averages to climb after the all star break, and Beltre to just hit better overall, once they’re used to AL pitching. Don’t count on loads of power from Beltre, though. Safeco’s still a pitcher’s park. Look for a lot of doubles from him, and for his RBI numbers to continue being above average.
PREDICTIONS:
AL East: Boston
Before anyone goes whining about me being a homer, look at this: they haven’t been playing well this year at all, and they’re still only 2 games back.
AL Central: Minnesota
They just keep creeping up on the White Sox. I think they’re going to very slowly, very quietly walk off and hide with this division. It’ll be closer than in the past, but it’ll still be comfortable.
AL West: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of California of the United States of America of North America of the Western and Northern Hemispheres of Earth of the Milky Way
Making up for their intolerably stupid name by being the best team in the American League.
AL Wild Card: Baltimore
The White Sox will take this to the last weekend, but I have more faith in Brian Roberts’ hot start than I do in the White Sox’ record in one-run games.
Divisional: Angels over Baltimore, Boston over Minnesota
ALCS: Angels over Boston (Redemption!)
National League
What I Like:
Washington: Go Nats! Baseball belongs in DC. That is all.
St. Louis: Damn, the Cards are good. They can hit. They’re right near the top of the NL in runs, hits, RBI, OPS (on base percentage plus slugging percentage), homers and slugging percentage. And their pitching is great, too. They’re top 5 in the NL in wins, WHIP (walks and hits per inning pitched), strikeout/walk ratio, ERA and opponents’ OPS. And Jeff Suppan hasn’t run them out of any games. Yet. I don’t expect any of that to change. Except maybe Suppan.
Florida: The only team consistently ahead of the Cardinals in team pitching statistics. I fully expect Dontrelle Willis’ arm to fall off and flop around the mound at some point. Until then, his ERA should stay under 2 and he shouldn’t lose more than one or two games. And Mike Lowell hasn’t started hitting yet, a big reason for them being in second place in the NL East. Once he does, their entire offense will be tough to stop. They’re very good this year.
Ex-Red Sox Pitchers: Pedro Martinez is 4-1 and throwing great, Derek Lowe’s ERA is hovering around 3, and Brandon Lyon is right around the top of the major leagues in saves (though he’s hurt now). Everyone who said Pedro’s pitching was better suited to the NL, and that the lack of a designated hitter would add an inning a game to his stats was absolutely right. Now that Lowe is in a pitchers’ park, he’s flourishing. And Bob Melvin, the Diamondbacks’ manager, loves Lyon’s stuff and makeup, but Melvin also loves the sauce, so I think we should wait a little while to judge.
Clint Barmes: Colorado’s Rookie of the Year favorite. He’s leading the majors in batting average, and he’s on pace for 30 homers and over 100 RBI. And the greatest thing about him is he’s not a Coors Field fluke. He’s hitting .333 away from home this year. He’s going to be a very good player, and probably someone the Rockies can build around.
What I Don’t Like:
Houston: Much like Oakland, HIT THE DAMN BALL ALREADY! Unlike Oakland, they’re not moneyballers. They just can’t hit. And pitching isn’t a problem, either. They just can’t hit. To be fair, Lance Berkman started the season hurt and Jeff Bagwell might have to retire because of recurring shoulder problems. But still, how is Roger Clemens 3-2 with a 1.29 ERA after 9 starts? And on that note,
Roger Clemens: Just because, turncoat piece of slime-filled platypus crap.
Philadelphia: This is a team that was supposed to compete for the NL East crown this year, but instead they’re bringing up the rear. Some nights they can pitch but not hit. Some nights they can hit but not pitch. And a lot of nights, they can’t do much of either. They’re in the bottom 5 of the NL in ERA and opponents’ batting average on the pitching side, and the bottom 5 in runs scored, team batting average, OPS, and RBI. Jim Thome’s hurt, which is killing them on the offensive side. But the only solid, consistent pitching they can manage is out of Billy Wagner, their closer. And they have to, you know, be actually, like, leading the game for him to pitch.
Barry Bonds: There are three reasons why the Giants would be in last place in any other division (spared the “honor” by the blissfully terrible Colorado Rockies).
1. Jason Schmidt is hurt.
2. Barry’s hurt.
3. Barry has become a complete circus.
The Giants don’t know what the hell is going on with him. He keeps screwing up his rehab. And he insists on surrounding himself with people of questionable ethics, meaning his federally-indicted, steroid peddling personal trainer, and his surgeon, who is this close ::holds fingers REALLY close together, like your parents did:: to having his license revoked. Not to mention the whole federal investigation into his mistress/tax shelter thing. If the Giants could feasibly cut him loose, they should. Unfortunately, ticket sales would end up tanking worse than they are now.
Just About the Entire NL Central: Aside from the Cardinals and the surprising Brewers, the NL Central is awful. Pittsburgh is pretty not-good, and it says something about the division that they’re in third place. The Reds were supposed to be good, but their pitching is almost as bad as Colorado’s. The Cubs should fire Dusty “Wait until it gets hot outside” Baker and trade Kerry Wood for a closer (NOT DOTEL!) and a bat. And we’ve already discussed the disappointing Astros. This was arguably the best division in baseball before the season began, going possibly three or four teams deep into the pennant race. Now they’re fighting to avoid being the worst.
PREDICTIONS:
NL East: Florida
If Mike Lowell’s bat wakes up and their pitching stays healthy, I think they’ll end the Braves’ run of division titles. It’ll be a hot race, though.
NL Central: St. Louis
No question.
NL West: Dodgers
The top of their rotation is too good, and they just keep finding ways to win. They’re out of first right now, but I think they’ll make it back. The wild card for this team is when they start to put together a run. The sooner, the better.
NL Wild Card: Atlanta
I think they’ve got more than enough to make the postseason, possibly having a better record than the other two division champs. But Florida looks really good.
Divisional: St. Louis over Atlanta, Florida over LA
NLCS: St. Louis over Florida (goes 7, though)
WORLD SERIES:
St. Louis vs. the Angels. And who knows what might happen there?
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 11:59 PM
May 09, 2005
State of the NBA: The Point Guard
State of the NBA – Point Guard
by Mike Ducey
Over the past few NBA seasons defense has reigned supreme. The message that winning teams such as the Detroit Pistons and San Antonio Spurs have sent to the rest of the NBA is that defensive prowess wins championships. Sure, offense led to the Lakers’ success in the early 2000s, not their ability to stop anybody. But that was thanks to the 2-headed Shaq/Kobe monster, not to a superior offensive game plan. When you have two of the top 5 offensive players in the league you SHOULD win with regularity, plain and simple.
But times they are a changin’. The slowed-down, grind-it-out “defensive rules” mindset may be in the best interest of a coach’s blood pressure but your average fan wants to be rewarded with well-executed fast breaks and high-flying dunks when they tune into a game.
The fans want this.
This past season more teams put an emphasis on running the ball to create easier, and more frequent, baskets. We finally began to see superior athletes of the NBA in a position where they can use their gifts to their utmost advantage.
Some coaches are slow to embrace a fast-paced style of offense because pushing the ball with regularity can lead to sloppier play and more turnovers. In most scenarios a team’s point guard has the responsibility of initiating the offense, no matter what the game plan is. Any team that employs a point guard who is prone to making mistakes or is not the best decision maker is likely to shoot themselves in the foot all too often, particularly on a team that stresses the fast break.
And more and more teams are making the fast break the norm largely because the NBA has gotten younger and more athletic overall. However superior athletic talent does not always translate into wins, particularly if a team does not have a reliable player manning the point guard position.
The number of quality point guards in the NBA is rising these days. There are a handful of reliable veterans running teams but a group of young point guards is finally starting to shine, and there’s another wave of quality young point guards right behind them who are nearly ready to take over the reigns on their respective teams as well.
Below is a breakdown of NBA Point Guards by “style” of play. Keep in mind that most players are not one-dimensional and exhibit a variety of strengths and weaknesses, but for the purpose of this analysis the tendencies of any player is the key.
The “Classic” Point Guard
These point guards understand it is their responsibility to set up plays and find the best available shot for their teams. Most of the time they are looking up the floor as soon as they get the ball, hoping for an easy bucket. However each is smart enough to slow it down and get their team into a half-court offensive set if nothing is there. Most are not a liability shooting the ball; they’re talented enough offensively in their own right.
You want one of these guys on your team when you go shoot hoops at the Y, plain and simple.
The best examples of these players are wily veterans, such as New Jersey’s Jason Kidd and Phoenix’s MVP Steve “Graham” Nash. Both can put the ball in the basket but their greatest assets are their court vision and passing ability. Kidd and Nash mentally pick apart defenses. They know where their teammates are at all times. They also know where and when their teammates like to receive the ball. Both are very quick and can beat a defensive player off the dribble for 2 or to kick it back out to a teammate for an open look. Nash has the more consistent jump shot of the two, but if you play Kidd for the pass only he can hurt you by scoring the ball as well.
When Healthy, Jason Kidd remains the best point guard in the NBA.
Over the last few seasons there have only been a handful of reliable “old-school” style point guards, but that number is growing. Some, such as Denver’s Andre Miller and Boston’s Gary Payton, fly under the radar because they’re not all that flashy, but they get the job done night in night out.
To be fair to the “Glove” there was a time when he was one of the flashier players in the league on both offense and defense, but those days are behind him. Nowadays GP’s best games are not necessarily reflected in the box scores because decision-making can’t always be quantified.
The key for the Celtics is that GP is an excellent mentor for young hopefuls Marcus Banks and Delonte West. If Banks and West could be combined into one player you’d have a pretty solid point guard on your hands. Unfortunately on their own each has pretty glaring weaknesses. Banks is one of the fastest players in the league, an attribute which actually hurts him at times. Banks lets his speed get the best of him and often plays out of control. He can beat nearly anyone off the dribble but has trouble finishing at the basket as well as kicking the ball out to teammates. Conversely West is mature beyond his years. While he has not shown superior passing skills he is a good decision maker and gets the ball to where it needs to be. West's jumpshot is deadly when he is left open. However West is not as fast or athletic a Banks. When opposing teams are familiarized with his game they will get right up in his face to take away his jumper because nobody will be afraid of getting beaten off the dribble by him.
Payton’s place on this roster is paramount to the development of these kids. The difference between watching GP run the point compared to the last few excuses for point guards the Celtics have trotted out there is night and day (except for Chauncey Billups of course, but thinking about the fact that we let him walk for no apparent reason makes my eye twitch. Thanks Rick Pitino. Now Chauncey Billups and Joe Johnson aren’t “walking through that door” either. Can we talk about something else?).
Tony Parker has molded his game to fit in with his team, and in doing so has become one of the better players at the position. Parker and backcourt mate Manu Ginoboli would love nothing more than to get out and run at every possible opportunity but both understand that their team’s success is contingent upon running the offense through Tim Duncan in the post. Parker is still very young and early on in his career it appeared that his game could suffer because of San Antonio’s slow-paced half-court offensive style. But this season Parker has showed that his offensive traits can mesh nicely with Duncan’s, rather than hindering them.
I feel obliged to include Brevin Knight here, who finished the season 2nd in the NBA in assists per game behind the aforementioned Nash. Knight has done a very solid job serving as a leader on a young expansion team, but other than setting up his teammates Knight doesn’t bring much to the table. He is a stop-gap for a young, inexperienced team, nothing more.
The “I” in “Team”
And then you have your anti-Brevin Knights. Unfortunately there are a large number of point guards whose first instinct is to put the ball in the air. Some of these guys get a lot of hype because they have the ability to drop 30 points on a team on any given night, but most of the time it is to the detriment of their team.
Take the Knicks’ Stephon Marbury for example. Marbury is actually a pretty adept passer when he wants to be, as evidenced by the high number of assists he racks up (Marbury finished 4th in the NBA in assists per game at 8.1). However that statistic is misleading; it’s important to delve a little deeper when evaluating Starbury. Remember, tendency is the key here. Stephon looks for his own shot first nearly every time down the floor, and only passes the ball after he’s convinced that he can’t get a shot off. In game back on March 23 the Knicks soundly beat the Boston Celtics, and they did it with a balanced offensive attack (8 Knick players took between 6-12 shots in that game, and nobody took more than 12). Marbury had only 10 shot attempts and finished with a modest 12 points and 7 assists. That game serves as an example that teamwork, not individual statistics, wins ballgames. This is the lesson Marbury must take to heart.
Stephon Marbury loves the look of his own shot
The Knicks are a bad team, and while most of that has to do with Isiah Thomas’ ineptness as a General Manager, Marbury has to shoulder some of the blame. When a team’s best player is a selfish point guard it is destined for failure more often than not. Now, Marbury’s ability to score is certainly a major strength but his primary concern should be creating baskets for others. Of course, it would help if Isiah surrounded him with more talent instead of a roster full of under-sized power forwards, but that’s another column altogether.
Likewise, Golden State’s Baron Von Davis drives me crazy. The Baron is one of the better passers in the league…When he wants to be. Baron’s best games are when his own offense takes a backseat and he looks to push the ball and set up his teammates. Nobody throws a highlight-reel pass like the Baron, but for some reason most of the time he feels the need to jack 20 shots per game. After being traded to the Golden State Warriors Davis attempted 5 three-pointers or more in 15 of his 18 games. How many ill-advised 3’s will be flying through the air in Golden State once he becomes more comfortable on his new team?
It’s all too easy to rip Allen Iverson for his tendency to shoot first and pass second as well. However there’s no denying that Iverson is one of the best pure scorers in the league, and he averaged a career-high 7.9 assists per game to boot this season. In order to maximize his output AI must dominate the basketball, and while Philly didn’t exactly have a stellar season it’s hard to point the finger at Iverson, as he’s doing all that he can, as usual.
Steve Francis: Elegance!
Steve Francis is another example of a guy who plays a lot of minutes at the point but whose primary strength is scoring. Francis is not the best passer and does not possess the greatest court vision or decision-making skills. He drives coaches crazy because he’s too small to defend opposing shooting guards but offensively he’s best served at that position. Toward the end of the season the Orlando Magic experimented with Francis at the 2-guard, starting rookie point guard Jameer Nelson as his backcourt mate. But Nelson is also a better scorer than passer, so that is not going to resolve the problem. To get the most out of the “Franchise” the Magic need to bring a more conservative point guard into the mix, and build an offensive game plan around Francis.
There are plenty of other point guards who tend to shoot too much unnecessarily. Washington’s Gilbert Arenas has turned into a top tier point guard but he falls in love with his own jump shot all too regularly. The same can be said about Dallas’ Jason Terry, Portland’s Damon Stoudamire, Minnesota’s Troy Hudson and even Sacramento’s Mike Bibby (albeit to a lesser extent). All of these players have the ability to drop assists left and right but for one reason or another try to score on their own on too many possessions.
This is particularly frustrating on teams that have a number of quality offensive options that are neglected because of these poor decision makers. Jason Terry started the season backing up an untested rookie (Devin Harris) mainly because Terry had trouble at the point early on. When you’re on the floor with Dirk Nowitzki and Michael Finley passing needs to take precedence.
Troy Hudson has been a backup guard for most of his career, and in that role, as an offensive spark off the bench, he has flourished. But after being pressed into a starting role due to injuries he’s fizzled because he’s been exposed as nothing more than a glorified jump shooter.
It may be unfair to include Bibby in this group, for he is a heady player and makes good decisions. Also, during most of Bibby’s tenure with Sacramento the Kings have had a number of quality passers at other positions, such as bigmen Chris Webber and Brad Miller. With very good passing big men on the floor the Kings haven’t needed Bibby to be a “pass first” player. With Webber now battling Iverson for touches in Philly it will be interesting to see if Bibby can take on a more traditional point guard role in the future.
Part 2 of the State of the NBA will appear Friday, May 13th
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
May 02, 2005
Alas, Joe Torre. I Knew Him Well.
by Jim Dandy
Now, I’m not often one to read too much into things (I got so mad at the people trying to read Randian subtext into the Incredibles), but Vic Ziegel’s column from the April 21st New York Daily News seems pretty ominous. It’s about the 1965 Yankees and their demise. After 9 pennants in 10 years, the 65 Yankees went right into the tank, finishing 77-85 and in 6th place in the AL East. Of course, that team was packed with stars— Mickey Mantle, Roger Maris, Whitey Ford, and Jim Bouton. So in Ziegel’s column, he pins the blame firmly on their manager, Johnny Keane. He spends the last half of the column lamenting Keane’s managerial style, and why it led to the demise of the last great Yankees dynasty, and draws a comparison to the 2005 Yankees with his last paragraph. And you couldn’t have seen it coming any better if Ziegel actually spelled it out for you.
Joe Torre, I will most certainly miss you. Someone’s got to take the fall for Yankee ineptitude in the last five years (oh, how I and every other non-Yankees fan in the WORLD would adore having a matching record of “failure”). The Boss is getting old, you see. He wants one last title before he dies. Kenny Lofton, with his forty something years and .275 batting average, is your leadoff hitter? Do you know how much the Yankees paid for him? Jason Giambi has a mysterious ailment on his pituitary gland? They had no way of knowing he was a raging juicer. Tom Gordon doesn’t have the mental makeup to pitch big innings for New York? Have you SEEN what he did with other teams? Alex Rodriguez is a clubhouse cancer that pads his numbers against crappy teams? Look at his numbers!
Torre’s going down because of the nonsensical signings of the past five years, five years of wasteful spending, crappy drafts, and terrible, terrible free agent acquisitions. The fact that they managed to make it as far as they did in the playoffs every year is a testament to his skill as a manager and to the quality of the core players they had left after people started retiring or leaving.
The Yankees won 4 World Series in 5 years, and have made the playoffs every year since 1995. Their run as world champs was made with home grown players, guys who came up through the Yankees farm system and bled pinstripes, along with a couple of quality character free agent signings. When you look at the 2005 Yankees lineup, do you see a character guy like Scott Brosius? Do you see a guy who hustles his ass off like Paul O’Neil? Do you see a guy with a mind for the game like Joe Girardi? No. You see a guy like Jason Giambi, so pumped full of steroids he’s going to pop. You see a prima donna like Alex Rodriguez, too busy making sure his purple lipstick is evenly applied to actually, you know, hit. At least when it counts. You see a guy like Jaret Wright with more shoulder problems than wins, but who they overpaid because they freaked out, had no one left to trade, and didn’t have any kids to bring up who could do anything.
It might seem like I’m laying the blame for their failure to win it all at the feet of Brian Cashman, the Yankees general manager. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Cashman was the architect of those World Series champions, guiding Yankees fans out of the desert of the 80s with smart drafts and quality free agent signings. He’s a great executive who has unfortunately (for the Yankees, certainly not for any other baseball fans, though) been gently nudged out of any significant decision making capacity by Randy “Pigvomit” Levine, Yankees President and Minister of Propaganda and National Enlightenment, and by Steinbrenner’s impatience.
Let’s talk about Pigvomit for a second. Here’s a guy who, when he sneezes, little chunks of Steinbrennerturd fly out of his nose. He’s the official mouthpiece (HA!) of the Yankees, the guy you saw (for those of you who don’t like the Sawx or the Yankees) on ESPN decrying the security situation at Fenway after the Pedro-Zimmer throwdown like it was a damn prison riot. He’s the genius who, last year, when the Devil Rays were stuck in Florida because of a hurricane, demanded a forfeit, knowing the Sawx were creeping up on them. He’s also primarily a businessman, and coincidentally, he became team president the same year the Yanks won their last World Series.
He’s Iago to Steinbrenner’s Othello, if Othello was a loudmouthed, self-important ass who was banned from baseball for illegal campaign contributions to Nixon’s reelection.
"Really, we're an entertainment company - and a baseball team,” sayeth Pigvomit in a Daily News article this past February 12. Says a lot. They’re an entertainment company first. You know what that means? Beltran Carlos Beltran won’t sell as many jerseys as Randy Johnson. So even though Carlos Beltran would have helped the team more, even though Cashman’s telling Steinbrenner that they need Beltran more, they went and got Randy Johnson. Jason Giambi will bring in more endorsement money than Tino Martinez, so they have to deal with Giambi popping and splattering blood and artificial testosterone all over the clubhouse. Alex Rodriguez will be a hit on Madison Avenue! Nevermind that he won’t fly on 161st Street, or the adoration he will garner in Staten Island.
The Yankees suck now, and will suck for a long time, because Pigvomit’s not letting them be run as a baseball team. He’s in for a nice treat after 2 or 3 years of losing.
The fact of the matter is Joe Torre’s a fantastic manager. He’s got a great mind for the game, great instincts, and is one of the classiest men to ever put on a Yankees uniform. He manages with dignity and respect for the game, and it tells you something that in his first game back from prostate cancer treatment, he got a standing ovation from the Boston crowd. He deserves to go into the Hall of Fame for what he’s done with this team, and for putting up with the Boss’ crap for 10 years. And fortunately for him, he’s not going to have to put up with it for much longer. He’ll get to leave Pigvomit to wallow in the filth he’s created.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM