by the YMB Staff

It started as a throwaway side item in a reputable British tabloid:

"Angry Alan Moore Throws Rock at Moon"

Alan Moore's decades of anger came to a head this past Sunday night when he was witnessed throwing a stone at the moon. Cursing, the acclaimed comic writer called the moon, "a wee little bastard" and a "white magic hole of the devil." He went on to lament about how everyone and thing that ever wronged him came down to the moon and its "intricate evil lunar phases."

Then the story exploded throughout comic fandom a week later after it was written up as a "yellow lighted" item in Rich Johnston's CBR column, Lying in the Gutters. Johnston spent most of the item explaining the British activity of "moonlobbing."

"Once properly sauced, you then throw the heaviest rock you can skyward, all while cursing the heavens. It can be done during the day, but the most proper time for moonlobbing is, obviously, at night. Moonlobbing played a significant part in my parody comic "Civil Wardrobe" which is still available for order through Diamond."

From there, the story hit every comic blog and message board, eliciting such questions as the following from a stunned and confused fandom:

"Isn't Alan Moore all rich and stuff? What's he got to be angry about?"

The sources of Alan Moore's anger are many, but worth documenting in order to understand why he felt the need to moonlob in the first place. Telling the tale of his woe backwards (because it's a fancy narrative technique he would approve of), let's start with the most recent affront to his person...

2008 - The latest bit of anger from Mr. Moore is directed at the upcoming adaptation of "Watchmen." In regards to the ongoing legal dispute he said, "Will the film even be coming out? There are these legal problems now, which I find wonderfully ironic. Perhaps it's been cursed from afar, from England, and I can tell you that I will also be spitting venom all over it for months to come."

2005 - Joel Silver implies that Moore endorses the upcoming film adaptation of "V for Vendetta." Moore is quick to correct this and have his name removed from all press for the film and has his fee for the film given to the comic's artist, David Lloyd. Silver continues to insist that Moore liked Matrix: Revolutions.

2003 - Bill Jemas extends the hand of friendship to Moore and asks him to pitch to Epic and give him full creative control. Moore pitches a new Darkhawk serial where Chris Powell gets roaring drunk and breaks his amulet in a fight over payment to a $20 hooker. This left Chris in a half human/half Darkhawk configuration. The maxi series was to comprise of 12 issues of Chris wandering around the world trying to find out who he really is. And beating up hookers. A few months later Epic folds before publishing a single issue. Moore drops his clothes and begins to shear himself in front of a church congregation.

2002 - The ABC line gathers momentum and more properties are being optioned for film and television. To help sell the concept, major studios court various actors to play key characters (Demi Moore as Cobweb, Jean Claude Van Damme as SMAX, Julian Sands as Greyshirt and a CGI'd MacAulay Culkin as Jack B. Quick). Moore vomits for three weeks straight!

2001 - DC pulps an entire print of "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" #5 because of an ad for "Marvel Douche" that was in the issue.

2000 - DC vetoes a L. Ron Hubbard-related Cobweb story, causing Moore to get so publicly angry at DC that the company scuttled all plans for Watchmen 15th anniversary merchandise, including a hardcover and action figures.

1999 - Moore picks an old Superman villain, Starshine "The Hippy With The Please Power!" and pitches a new series whereby he remembers who he is and sets out to use his alien-gifted-talent to change the world for the better. DC welcome it but due to an administrative failure, it doesn't end up under the Vertigo imprint but rather Johnny DC. The first issue is pulped prior to distribution because of a scene where Starshine tells a corrupt dictator to "Please" stick his head up his arse. Moore falls to the floor and fakes an epileptic fit.

1997 - Moore pitches a mini-series surrounding old Marvel character, Kismet. Having been rejected by Warlock and Quasar in the mating stakes, Kismet now wanders the Marvel Universe to find the next perfect mate. Once rejected she moves on, down the heirarchy. Guest starring Hercules, Ant Man, Jack of Hearts, Howard the Duck, Forbush-Man and Gambit. Marvel gives the thumbs up, but then wants the main character changed to be Ms Marvel. Moore throws his toys out the pram!

1994- Grant Morrison steals his magic schtick.

1989 - Moore is passed over for the chance to write the screenplay for Return of Swamp Thing. He then swears vengeance on Hollywood.

1988 - DC evades paying royalties on Watchmen buttons by calling them "promotional materials."

1986 - DC refuses to let Moore use their recently acquired Charlton Comics characters in his opus "Watchmen." As retaliation, Moore injects a long subplot in the story about pirates just to "bore the wankers to death."

1985 - Marvel makes Eclipse change Marvelman to Miracleman, leading Moore to write to Marvel to tell them off and tell them he'll never work for them. Marvel shrugs at some rookie Brit not wanting to write X-Men or something.

1971 - Moore continues his passion for drawing by creating his own mini comic books using an A4 sheet folded in 8. A local journalist picks up a copy from his younger brother and likes it so much he wants to feature it in his newspaper. However, due to a printing problem, it is credited to Patrick Moore, famed British astronomer. Moore goes home in a terrible huff!

1963 - Loses his favorite sled when he is taken from his childhood home to live with a rich industrialist in the big city.

1961 - Moore completes a drawing of his school in crayon. Another child in his class asks to "translate" his drawing into another medium: finger paints! Moore kicks the other child in the shin.

1953 - Moore is from his mother's womb untimely ripped.

So, there you have it. A lifelong history of anger that ultimately couldn't not lead to moonlobbing. That's right Mr. Moore, I used a double negative there. What're you gonna do about it, huh?

Spread the YMB love! Click a link below to support the site!

del.icio.us -- Digg -- reddit -- StumbleUpon -- Facebook