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Examine if you will, this battle between C-level Xbook superteam Excalibur (oh just accept it) and D-level scrubs the Outlaws. This is from Excalibur Volume 1, and obviously Chris Claremont and Alan Davis took the month off so they went with Scott Lobdell and Some Guy.
The team of Lobdell and Some Guy obviously weren't reading much of Excalibur, as this issue is a rather odd departure from the series' usual antics of dimension-hopping and Claremontisms. Instead, the bust out the stock "Good Guys fight Good Guys Until They Team Up To Fight the Real villain" plot that's been used for generations upon generations of fill-in comics. Observe if you will, the Essence of Generic Dialogue.
1) "Well, We tried it the easy way."
The hell you say, Silver Sable! The only thing you tried was blowing a hole through the wall on the previous page. Well, for comic books I suppose that is the easy way. Who'd want to read two panels of
2) "You keep signing the checks, I'll keep doing what it is I do so well."
What the hell kind of sentence is that, Sandman?
3) "To think that we get to trash these dudes and get paid for it!"
Rocket Racer: you're not getting paid today. Come on Rocket Racer, when have you ever actually trashed anybody? Hmm? Never? That's right.
4) "Professor, head for an exit-schnell! We'll cover you!"
Nightcrawler is German! German! This is what fill-in writers back in the day called 'characterization.' or maybe it's "If we have Nightcrawler shout out random German phrases, maybe people won't notice this ISN'T written by Claremont! Unglaubich!" And hell, the professor's response: "Capital idea, lad!" Guess where HE'S from!
Oh Chris Claremont, what hath thou wrought.
Take out the one 'schnell,' and any one of the above lines could be attributed to any other character anywhere in comic books. Well, in bad comic books. It's that generic, it's that bland. Love it. Breathe it in.
Posted by Goody at 10:15 AM
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
YourMomsBasement is proud to present RescuedByNerds!
What exactly is RescuedByNerds? Well, it's a new sister-site to YMB that focuses on long-form content. From now on, RBN will be your source for the interviews, reviews and columns you've come to love with a regular rotating cast of writers. Meanwhile, YMB has moved to a group-blog format that will continue its personality-driven commentary, parodies, and satire.
RBN is made up of Mike Collins, Ash, Erin, RichB and everyone's favorite crazy uncle, Larry Young. RBN kicks off this week with exclusive NYComicon coverage. Drop by and let them know what you think. If anyone is interested in writing for RBN, or contributing in any other capacity, please drop Mike a note.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
I realize this comes from back in the day when it was still mostly kids reading these comics, but still. 'Cooter?'
Asleep at the wheel, CCA!
Posted by Goody at 07:58 AM
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
Alex Maleev: Why is your criteria of what's "good" in a comic so broad or forgiving?
I'm not sure I understand the basis of your question. I like good comics. I pride myself on only buying good, quality comics. But overly forgiving? Me? Did I forgive the murder and perversion of Hal Jordan? No. Did I forgive the clone saga? No. I'll have you know I bought every issue of that abomination and I have never forgiven Marvel for it. Never. Ever.
Don't get me started on all those issues of The Other I bought.
Leonard Kirk: Just how cold do you get in those Princess Leia costumes?
It's hard to get cold with 300 pounds of sweaty geek pressed up against you for a photo-op.
David Micheline: What do you think of the way Marvel handled the dissolution of the Peter / MJ marriage?
Horrified. Shocked. Appalled. Depressed. Angry. Murderous. Vengeful. Wrathful. World-destroying. Then sleepy.
Francis Manapul: If you had any suggestion for me to draw as a regular series, what would it be?
It just so happens I have a self-published comic I'm working on that you'd be perfect for. It was originally a DC Elseworlds pitch, but how hard could it be to turn a Vampire Pirate Batman story into a more generic tale of bat-costumed, vampire pirates? It'll probably even work better that way.
Leonard Kirk: Exactly how exhausted are you by the end of the con?
Depends on how light I pack for it. If I'm one short-boxing it, not very. If I'm three long-boxing it... it can be a bit tiring. Especially at those split-level cons. Even with escalators... whew... I'm getting winded just thinking about it.
Bob Layton: Why do you keep buying books that you don't like anymore?
Because I am an eternal optimist. That's one of the things that I love about our hobby: the boundless optimism of fans. Always excited about the next new project or twist. Like when Marvel revealed that every superhero we've been following for the last twenty years could be a skrull, everyone was all like "Exciting! Briliiant!" I love this hobby.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
THE COMICS CODE AUTHORITY HAS FAILED YOU!
Is this some little-known Marvel MAX Villainness? Nay. This would be the little-known New Warriors villain Pretty Persuasions. Introduced in the original, classic Nicieza/Bagley era, and to our knowledge entirely unseen ever since then. And if you will recall, back in the day New Warriors was an entirely Code-approved title.
It's a good thing the Comics Code Authority was around back in the old days to keep impressionable kids from being exposed to questionable, adult materials.
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Posted by Goody at 09:01 AM
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Posted by EdContradictory at 12:00 PM
Here are some other webcomics YMB enjoys...
High Moon
In His Likeness
Wondermark
Toothpaste For Dinner
Tom the Dancing Bug
OnlineComics.net
Posted by EdContradictory at 09:00 AM
I am very excited about the new direction for YMB. I know I have not been "up-to-date" with my column, but I am sure with this new blogged format, I will be able to bring you all, my loyal readers, more of me, which is what you want. And is nice, for me, also. I'm excited to share with you the journey of me, which continues, as I persue my dream of becoming a comic book writer.
It has been a long journey, so far. As you all know, three years ago, I quit my job as a parking lot attendant to puruse my dream of comic book writer stardom. I went to conventions to meet, mingle, network, and sell my comic book, Even Steven, a dark tale of the nights last dark avenger of light. Even Steven met with great fan reception and had a buzz going.
Even Steven is the tale of a high school kid, Stephen, who is overdosed with an experimental drug called Synthenol by the local high school bully. He gains powerful, strange powers as a result and dedicates himself to helping the students at his evil-overidden high school with a solem pledge: "I shall be that which evil men fear. When the good need my aid, they need just call out my name three times into a mirror and I shall appear to aid them. Let the bad men of the world fear me. And let the good people at this high school which I shall now call my home feel hope again."
It's really awesome and if I had finished pages they'd look even cooler than that reads.
So, the comic business went very well, for a while. The fame and power of being a starting out comic book superstar was entoxicating. but, then as all things must, the bottom feel out of the floor of my happy tree house, sending me tumbling to the forest floor, hitting many a branch of thorns on the way down to the forest floor.
So, I'm back at my old job at the parking lot. And when I'm not planning revenge on my enemies (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), I'm working on Even Steven and making it better then ever. Stay tuned... the best is coming up in the future!
Read the last The Tricks of Turning Pro: The Best Awesomest of 2007!
Posted by Gary Walters at 12:00 PM
According to the most recent Mighty Marvel Mailer, "Ultimates #4 has been pushed back to 6/11 and #5 to 8/6."
But hey, fanboys and fangirls. It's all good. What's a couple more months? Isn't the quality of Joe Mad's art more important than his being on time? Won't it be worth the wait?
...well, you're entitled to your opinion.
Posted by Goody at 07:57 AM
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Posted by EdContradictory at 07:30 AM
I WOULD BUY YOUR BOOK IF...
An occasional series of marketing suggestions to the creators of today's comics.
I WOULD BUY MOON KNIGHT IF...
The title character shouted his own name when going into battle:
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Posted by Mr. Farrell at 11:03 AM
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
Posted by Rajan at 10:51 AM
