The nigh-perfect Tricia Helfer (have you seen her Playboy pics? Ohmygodmakeitstophurtingsomuch) of Battlestar Galactica descended upong the Rosemont Convention Center to do a signing at Wizard World Chicago. She's so dreamy.

Here's Tricia signing an autograph:

Here's Tricia talking to her handlers:

This is Tricia smiling that perfect smile of hers:

She's signing another autograph here. Man, she's so giving to her fans, isn't she?

And the guy wants her to sign something else! LEAVE SOME FOR THE REST OF US, YOU SELFISH PRICK!

But she's so sweet, she's humoring the dude. Hear that, LOSER? She took pity on you, LOSER! Move out of the way and give the rest of us a chance, LOSER!

OHMYGOD, Tricia even posed for a picture with this LOSER! She's so awesome . . . .

Buh-bye, LOSER!

Here's my future wife Tricia signing again:

I bet she has penmanship like an angel. LIKE AN ANGEL:

This is Tricia's arm:

Do you think she knows when I think about her? Which would be, like, all the freakin' time?

Not that there's anything wrong with that. I mean, I'm not creepy or obsessive or anything:

Definitely not obsessive. Swear to God. Look, I even changed up the camera angle. I AM AN ARTISTE.

Damn, baby, is it possible for you to take a bad photo? Answer: No. No, it's not.

I LOVE YOU, TRICIA.

MARRY ME, TRICIA.

WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME??? LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, DAMNIT!!!