by J. Brent Stewart

Hello all. I'm the Reverend J. Brent Stewart, and once upon a time, I was a regular contributor to YMB.

What happened in the years that followed is largely a matter for our respective attorneys to attend to, but I am pleased to return to you on a trial basis (which all hinges on Pete's willingness to cease all Vin Diesel related legal actions.)

For those who don't know, DragonCon is an annual four day nerd orgy of freaky excess in the muggy hotbed known to many as "Phatlanta" Georgia. Typically, this festival of the arcane takes place every Labor Day weekend, centered around the Hyatt Regency and Marriott hotels.

30,000 or so of the most willfully demented geeks on earth descend upon the city to celebrate all things fantasy, science fiction, horror, and tangentially genre related. However, that is selling it far too short. It's not simply a collection of Star Trek and Buffy fans, though there are certainly plenty of those, as well as scores of Jedi and Stormtroopers parading through the streets of Atlanta.

But that's far from all. The convention fully encompasses the many stripes of science fiction and fantasy fandom (from the above mentioned to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Babylon Five, Dr. Who, The Tribe, Battlestar Galactica, Red Dwarf, etc.), but it also hosts a full contingent of comic book creators and dealers of all genres and ages; a full hotel devoted to role playing game in all of its forms, from miniatures to LARPS (heh) to MMORPGS, card games and beyond; a thriving goth and industrial music scene, replete with legions of latex vampire types; costumers and cosplayers of every variety; a host of sci-fi, fantasy and horror novelists; ren-fair types with their bodices and leggings and "miladies" and what have you; and, you know, garden variety nerds.

And I say all of this with love in my heart. I AM this nerd. These are my people. And though I hate them, really I do (especially when they try to talk to me while I'm zonked out of my mind in the elevator and have a hard enough time not upchucking without their BO and questions about my interest in Necromongers dampening the atmosphere) I also love them. Sincerely. With every ounce of my being.

Every time I arrive I end up getting cornered by someone that I can't seem to escape, and I think "God, this guy!" And yet, by the time the final morning of the con rolls around, you're just as likely to find my hugging "this guy" with all of my might, somewhere by the Hyatt pool, drunkenly yelling "I LOVE THIS GUY."

It's that kind of convention.

For a more in depth observation, take a gander at my Con report from a couple of years back, complete with tons of pics of all manner of geek genus and also lots of really hot chicks.

Dragon Con 2005

Did I not mention the chicks? Oh, they're there. And not just hot ones. All sorts of chicks, and all sorts of guys. That's one of the things that DragonCon may have on the other cons: girls are just as well represented as the gents, and they own every bit as much floorspace, too. Sure, the gal with electrical tape on her nipples and a batleth up her ass is going to have that circle of drooling guys lurking around her 24/7, but there's also just as much respect given to the girls who are there to meet their favorite authors.

As of last year, DragonCon has possibly gotten too big for its britches, as it now sprawls across THREE hotels, taking up several downtown city blocks.

The most recent edition is the Hilton, which hosts all of the gaming stuffs, as well as the Walk of Fame autograph section (where you too can buy a $20 8X10 glossy from the third Wookie to the right) and the Exhibitor Hall.

The Marriott Marquis is the home of the Dealers Market, a massive collection of dealers selling you everything from batarangs to comic books to dvds to corsets to perns (gah, the fucking perns) etc ad nauseum. Everything and anything vaguely fantasy related...you can get it there.

Across the hall from the Dealers' Market is the Comic Book Creator area, where all sorts of writers, artists and publishers have tables set up. Pretty much all of them cheerfully give autographs, and most of the artists do sketches, some for a fee, some for free. At DragonCon I have met creators as diverse as Will Eisner, Jim Steranko, John Byrne (heh), Evan Dorkin, Adam Hughes, Dan Brereton, Carmine Infantino, Marv Wolfman, Colleen Doran, Frank Cho, and of course D-Con perennial, Bob "Flaming Carrot" Burden. I think the comic aspect of DragonCon kinda gets lost in the shuffle, but for real, there are legitimate comic stars here, and seeing as how they aren't the FOCUS of this con, like they are in San Diego, Wizard World, etc, you actually stand a better chance of chatting them up for a bit or getting that sketch you always wanted. For instance, at San Diego I may have to wait a while to talk to Berni Wrightson or Brian Stelfreeze. At DragonCon you just walk right up, because there's a good chance they're completely unoccupied.

Moving along, we now arrive at the party hotel, the Hyatt. The Hyatt is a marvel of engineering, a gorgeous space, and the perfect place to experience the 24/7 chaos of DragonCon. If you have never been to DragonCon, or if you REALLY want that "I'm going out of my midn with the elevator alarm screaming and people yelling all around me" experience while you're guzzling down diet pills and absinthe, I implore you: YOU MUST STAY AT THE HYATT.

It's the only way to fly.

But that's enough for the recap. Let's get to what happened in 2006, and why I don't have much to say about it.

Feeling a bit crunched for money, and sensing a general "meh" attitude from my friends, I had written DragonCon 2006 off. It hurt a bit at first, but I eventually got over it, telling myself I could use the cash at home, and I really wouldn't miss much. As much as D-Con changes every year...it also stays the same. That's part of the appeal.

Suddenly, I found that my intrepid photog Danny Cash had hatched a plan: we would zoom off to Atlanta with our friends Pat/Julia and Jason/Betty (yes, I have reduced all of my married friends into soulless composite personae) and crash with our Atlanta-residing pals Ange/Mange. We would hang out at their place, go get some kickass barbeque at Dreamland and a burger at The Vortex, and then we'd spend ONE day at the Con, packing in as much action as we could.

And looking back, I can say it was definitely a fun trip just to see our friends and eat all of that great food, but it wasn't a DRAGONCON trip, you know?

And the reasons were:

1. The crowd: DragonCon has become ungodly huge, and something has to change with their badge system. Being a swanky press type, I was able to swish into the press room and get my badge in about five minutes, Danny in tow.

However, our friends got stuck in a quagmire after the Saturday morning parade (nothing like seeing literally hundreds of Cobra Troopers, Ghostbusters and Stormtroopers taking to the streets) and were in line for, and I am not making this up: FOUR HOURS.

Needless to say, after that our friends were pooped, especially the gals, and they weren't much in the mood for the rest of the muck.

2. Staying offsite: I've said it a million times, and I'll hammer it home again: to really get that true D-Con vibe, you GOTTA stay at one of the con hotels, and if it's possible, you have to stay at the Hyatt.

Case in point: Somewhere around midnight we found ourselves partaking in our favorite D-Con activity, which is blowing off the concerts, panels and structured stuff, so that we could just wander around the bowels of the Hyatt, ducking into a corner to mix up some highballs and have a grand old time.

If you're staying at the Hyatt, you can drunkenly stumble about to the wee hours, and when you're done, saunter on up to your room to crash for a few hours.

But if you're crashing in, say, ALPHARETTA...well, that's a little less fun.

And 3. We only went one day.

Well, actually, I went back by myself on Sunday to raid the comic bins, but it seemed rushed. Again, I cannot recommend more highly taking in the complete four day immersive DragonCon experience.

Every self respecting (and otherwise) person of geekage really needs to do this.

Be with your people. This is a place where you are ALL welcome. Everyone feels free to truly be themselves, and I mean the REAL themselves. The hydrocephalic in the wizard robe, the mustard stained LARPer, the latex underwear man, the guy with the keys to the bus to Sodom, and the guy who simply wanted to be Batman for one night...that is who they can be here. ANd no one is going to think badly of them or mock them. They're just gonna ignore it, or join on in and groove with them. It's like the Electric Kool Aid Acid Test without all of the godawful Grateful Dead music.

So, yeah, DragonCon 2006 was...different. But there WERE some highlights, and here they be:

1. Adult Swim panel: It's so odd to me that in the space of three years, "Venture Bros" has gone from being the Adult Swim show that literally NO ONE was talking about, to being far and away the most popular show at the Con. There were tons of Monarchs running around, and the reason was: Doc and Jackson were there. And yeah, they were as funny as you'd hope.

2. TOM ATKINS!

I am a Tom Atkins fan. If you have ever seen a movie, preferably one with a cop or a serial killer, made in the last 20 years, you know Tom Atkins. But me, personally, I love Tom Atkins for "Halloween III".

Not only did I get to MEET Tom Atkins, shake his hand, and chat for a bit, I was able to buy a t-shirt FROM Tom Atkins which has a picture of Tom Atkins head on it and the word "ATKINS" written on it.

That's just too cool for words.

Tom Atkins couldn't have been more awesome. When he gave me my shirt he said "Wear it in good health...preferably with a beer in hand."

Tom was set up next to Charles Cypher, another great character actor you probably know from sight if not by name, and I got a great pic of him and Donald Pleasance in "Halloween" signed.

3. KARI BYRON.

The build team from "Mythbusters" was there...while I'm not really a TV person, I will readily confess to wasting hours watching "Mythbusters" marathons. And while my love of the boys is pure, you know I'm watching for one extra special reason: The geek dream which is Kari Byron.

Redheaded arty blowemup cutie Kari is, if at all possible, even cuter in person than on the show. I didn't talk to her much because I didn't want to,you know, vomit on her, but she was super cute and super nice and I got to talk to her and Danny didn't, so nyah.

So...is that it? Well, yeah, pretty much, I guess. But while my 2006 D-Con experience was a bit lackluster, it served me well in one regard: it strengthened my resolve to make D-Con 2007 AWESOME. We have our Hyatt hotel room booked. We have our badges reserved. And what's even better is that the friends who were D-Con virgins finally got that little taste, and now they want the real deal.

I hope maybe you've had that taste as well.