by the YMB Staff

Now with bonus 21st question!

Once again, we're turning the tables. Instead of fanboys asking the questions, they're giving the answers. This time, 21 different comic book creators at the 2007 New York Comic Con gave us questions they've always wanted to ask comic book fandom. We then had our usual team of fanboys answer them...

1. Jim Calafiore: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
My XXL replica vintage Hot Topic t-shirt tells me "3".

2. Michael Avon Oeming: What's a good fanboy cure for a hangover?
Re-reading Dark Knight Returns or Watchmen with a warm Gyro and some Red Bull.

3. Peter David: Who, WHO wrote the book of love?
When I was fourteen years old, my mother gave me a book called "Your New Body Changes". It contained an explanation of sexual intercourse and the changes that happen in the male and female bodies. When I finally garnered up the courage to read it two years later, I discovered that both boys and girls go through what the book calls "miraculous transformations" and once they reach a certain level of "age-appropriate maturity" they are able to join together to experience "happy body sneezes". The book was written by Dr. Nina Sarno. Now that I'm thirty-three I can buy my own books that explain the miraculous transformations of maturity that the human body experiences. They are published by Larry Flynt. So, I would say Dr. Nina Sarno and Dr. Larry Flynt.

P.S. Please do not tell my mom about the Larry Flynt books. She'll just take them away again. Thank you.

4. David Berman: Do DC fanboys ever hook up with Marvel fangirls?
I like a good crossover every now and again. If you know what I mean. But you speak of a forbidden love, Mr. Berman... A love that dares not speak it's name.

Now, I had a girlfriend once. You wouldn't know her... she lives in Canada. Problem was she was a Marvel fan, whereas I, obviously, am a DC man. Sure, there were arguments. Superman vs. Thor. Batman vs. Captain America. But the biggest problem was that there was just a lack of common ground to build a solid foundation for a relationship on. I didn't know what Empire State University was. And she kept referring to Kahndaq as "that weird-sounding made-up country."

What could we talk about, then?

Nothing. And sadly, three restraining orders later, I "finally got the hint" and stopped calling her.

5. Mark Brooks: Why do fans get so angry over events in comics when they know it'll just go back to normal in 2 months?
"Go back to normal in 2 months"? Two months?!

I had to write a letter to DC every month for nearly a decade until they removed FGL (False Green Lantern) Kyle Rayner and restored the RGL (Rightful Green Lantern) Hal Jordan. A decade is ten years. Ten years before DC heard my voice and realized the error of their ways. I... I just don't want someone else to have to go through that again.

Besides, I read the Marvel solicitations! Things will never be the same again! Everything we know will be false!

6. Tony Harris: Why do certain fans choose not to shower before coming to a con?
Con floors on a Saturday afternoon get unbearably hot. And even with the pull carts, those longboxes are heavy, man.

We're environmentalists. We know we're just going to get sweaty and have to shower again right after the con.

What are you doing to save the planet, man?

7. Mark Morales: Why are fans such sticklers for continuity?
Mr. Morales... we're not sticklers for continuity so much as we're sticklers for everything we love and care about not getting ruined.

Without continuity, all of my back issues become further devalued. Think about it. If DC were to retcon Bloodlines out of continuity, what would my entire run of Anima be worth? Or my 9.1 CGC graded Superboy and the Ravers miniseries? Nothing. We need continuity, otherwise all of our comic book purchases become worthless.

8. Clayton Henry: Why do fanboys pray that certain titles get cancelled even if they aren't reading them?
Because if I'm not reading it, it's clearly not good. And if it's not good, why spend money publishing it when that money could clearly be better spent procuring the licensing rights to publish a new ongoing ROM:Spaceknight series?

9. Billy Tucci: Where do fanboys go to meet girls?
You see, there's this thing called the internet... you may have heard of it. You might be using it right now!

Also... strip clubs.

10. Tom Raney: Why do you say things online that you won't say in person?
Because this way it's harder for people to hold me accountable for my words.

I mean, crap-on-a-stick, have you seen Beau Smith? Dude looks like he would separate your head from your neck by pinching it off in his armpit.

No, thank you.

Guy Gardner: Warrior was awesome, Mr. Smith!

Sir!

11. Ken Knudtsen: Why don't fans just pick up a program instead of coming over and asking indie artists where their favorite artists are?
Programs? I only have two hands, Mr. Knudtsen. One's holding the variant cover issue of Wolverine and the other's holding a pretzel.

Now, where's the Magic: the Gathering gaming table?

12. Scott Hanna: How do you organize your collections when you come to a con?
I'm glad you asked this. I really think there should be more discussion of how to properly transport a collection at a con. It's that important. They'll have a panel on how to cosplay as an anime fairy person, but they won't have a panel on how to properly traverse the con floor with a comic book collection? Where are our priorities?

I use a three box/handcart system. That's three white comic book half-boxes stacked on top of each other. The bottom box are golden through silver age comics. These may be bartered, sold, or signed in artists alley. And then bartered or sold. Above that are modern books. These are for signing and slabbing by CGC. The edges of this box can also safely hold commissioned sketches. The final box is my product box. Action figures, statues, buttons, Hot Pockets. All on top.

It's really important to invest in a good handcart. You need to be able to trust in it. I use a Blue Max Mover Folding Cart. I hope to someday upgrade to a Tuff Max, though. Or maybe a custom cart with a kick-ass Venom symbol on it or something. The boxes are secured to the cart by cords. There are a lot of fancy, "nu-tech" cords out there. But me? I like to keep it real and old school with Fibertex Bungee Cords.

And for goodness sakes, people, get a handcart lock. Only you can prevent handcart theft!

13. Dustin Nguyen: Can I share a hotel with you?
My hotel is seventee-- I mean $240 dollars a night, we can go half.

14. Steven Sadowski: Comics: bagged, or bareback?
Ribbed!

15. Jimmy Palmiotti: Do you prefer your superheroes drawn with or without a package?
With a package. With my package. My package will be delivered swiftly and safely. That's why my eBay feedback rating is 99.7.

16. Jim Mahfood: Do you own any James Bond records?
Yes, but in my defense, I was 13 and it was called Octopussy.

I never had a chance.

17. Rags Morales: When it comes to costume making, hefty or glad?
I actually prefer the diamond texturing on the new Glad Flex bags. They work best for capes and sci-fi chest plates.

I also wrapped my Chuck Taylors in them once and they looked like pretty cool Bat-boots.

18. Gene Ha: Why is the average gaming nerd smarter than your average comics nerd?
Well, they have to add up their multiple dice rolls or memorize complex Guitar Hero sequences... we just have to "read" the purty pictures.

I heard that gamers are all pedos, anyway. Gotta be smart to be a pedo in this day and age.

19. Sanford Green: Why do you ask 20 questions?
How many fingers and toes do you have, mister?

Now, if maybe my dad was here it'd be 18 questions... but he's not.

20. Talent Caldwell: Why can't hardcore Star Wars fans accept that Episodes 1, 2, and 3 sucked?
I think if you read my fanfic where Jar Jar becomes a Jedi knight, turns to the dark side, and replaces Vader inside the armor, Episodes 4, 5, and 6 will make a lot more sense.

21. Amanda Connor: What super hero chick would you most like to come to life, and what do you think she'd be good at in bed?
Obviously there are... salacious answers to your query. She-Hulk, who I imagine could crush a man... in a good way. Or Power Girl... she's known for her boobies.

But you know what? I've always wondered what wheat cakes are and what they might taste like... so I'm going to say Aunt May.

Read 2006's 20-Odd Questions: COMIC BOOK CREATORS



Or read 20-Odd Questions: WILDCATS #1



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