by Gary Walters

Top Five Best Moments of 2006

5. Iron Man Puts Captain America in Traction
600 kids died in Stamford, Captain America. Get off your high horse and show some patriotism. Get with the program and get your priorities right! Each of those kids had a mother and a father. And grandparents. And maybe pets. And they'll never see them again. Don't you care about those affected by the tragedy in Stamford, Cap? They all want the Superhero Registration Act. They want to feel safe again. I want to feel safe again.

4. Transformer Trailer Debuts
These aren't your daddies' Transformers. These ones are more badass and robotery than ever! When early designs for the film were leaked a bunch of fanboys went crazy with what I call "fanboy rage." But those same fanboys were wrong about Wolverine's leather jumpsuit, Spider-Man having organic webshooters, Constantine being American and Keaunu Reeves, and Doctor Doom having electro-powers. They'll be just as wrong about Starscream's chicken legs. You mark my words.

3. Snakes on a Plane Premieres
"There are too many f-ing snakes on our airplane!" With those simple words, Samuel L Jackson created a poopculture movement, with entire websites, t-shirts, and songs created for a movie in a way that had never been done before. Me and my friends waited in line outside the theater for a week to make sure we could get in opening day. And it was an amazing movie going experience, one only dwarfed by the first time I saw ID4 (Independence Day).

2. Eragon Flies High at Theaters
What's better than flying dragons? Nothing. Nothing is better than flying dragons.

1. Playstation 3 Launches
I TOTALLY GOT A PS3 FOR CHRISTMAS! My mom said she had to go to like five stores every morning for a month. She missed a few days of work, but it was totally worth it! Or, it will be once cooler games come out. The launch titles were pretty weak. Anyway, she'll get a new job soon enough. Can't wait to play it!

Worst Five Best Moments of 2006

5. Nextwave Comic Makes a Mockery of Machine Man
I'm a big fan of Machine Man ever since the Alex Ross opus "Earth X". There we saw a Machine Man who really had taken his place among the greatest of all Marvel heroes. But in Nextwave, we have a robot in a bra. Maybe I'm not "hip" and "ironic" enough, but I don't get it. And I don't want to get it. How do you go from being the scion of the Watcher, the all-seeing heart of the Marvel U, to a punchline and a throw away gag with extending arms?

It's a crying shame, is what it is.

4. Scott Pilgrim and The Infinite Sadness Infiltrates Bookstores
This is another one I just don't get. I mean, it's manga so maybe it loses something in the translation from Japanese. But it's just weird. This and Ranma seriously weird me out.

3. "Crazy" By Charles Barkely Hits the Airwaves
Man, this song was everyhwere over the summer. While I have to give the former basketball star "cred" for singing, this song was enough to drive anyone who heard it for more than ten minutes "crazy". I'm not much into "hip-hop" but I know what I like. And I miss music that meant something. Back when music meant things to poeple. Me? I'm a fan of heavy metal bands like Bon Jovi. I'll take some "Bad Medicine" over being "Crazy" anyday.

2. Battlestar Galactica Season Three Debuts
I've been watching this show since mid-last season and while I'm not a "Battlestar Fanatica", I've been enjoying this interesting, cerebrel, show. But I don't understand why, when given the chance to live in peace with the cylons, the humans didn't take it. Didn't they notice that the cylon women are all super-hot?

1. Spider-Man Changes Sides in Civil War
How could you, Peter? After all Tony did for you? Made you awesome armor, let you join the Avengers. Seriously, what were you thinking? Don't you realize how much your actions could hurt him and the entire pro-registration side? Between you and Cap's selfishness, Tony's been through a lot this year. I hope JoeyQ's "final word" on your marriage is Mary Jane leaving your traitor ass. For Tony Stark.

Read last year's Tricks of Turning Pro: Best/Worst 2005.



Read the last Tricks of Turning Pro.

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