by Ryan Higgins and the YourMomsBasement staff

20-Odd Questions returns with a look at Jim Lee and Grant Morrison's Wildcats #1. Following up on the events of Captain Atom: ARMAGEDDON, how will the Wildstorm universe we all know and love be changed?

We had 20 fanboys ask the questions you need to know.

1. The Authority are awesome. Why are The Authority so awesome?

One word: Captain America Rape. Ok, I lied, that's three words.

2. I'm assuming this is some kind of "cats gone wild" pornography. So really, why are you reviewing cat porn for a respectable site such as this, and also, are there any calicos rolling on their backs?

It's cat porn with an artistic quality and a superhero character, so it fits within the scope of a YMB review. And as it's softcore, there is no explicit nudity, only a lot of kissing and heavy petting.

3. Once upon a time, Zealot got it on with John Colt (who was apparently resurrected in some form in Spartan, leading to he and Zealot doing the horizontal mambo) and produced a child who was hinted to have been Winter of Stormwatch. Winter "died" during the Wildcats/Aliens crossover (that spawned the launch of The Authority), only to come back as some crazy embodiment of the sun. Then the Authority waxed him (there's gratitude for you; after he died to launch their book!). At what point does Zealot go totally nuts and carve up Jenny Quantum?

So, Jenny Quantum killed Zealot's kid, is that where you're trying to go with this? I'm going to say Zealot goes totally nuts and tries to carve up Jenny Quantum THIS SATURDAY on Pay-Per-View! Only $39.99! Or, ya know, in a future issue of WildCATS. No, really, Grant Morrison said there will be a WildCATS vs Authority fight in one of the future issues.

"Morrison said he is writing the series to match Lee’s strengths, calling it a very shiny pop-art approach that looks and feels very fresh. He said he’s making sure Lee gets to draw the things all fans want to see, 'Like the Authority versus the Wildcats, Spartan and Voodoo making love under a blacklight, and things like that'"

4. Who would win in a fight: The WildCATs or the Thundercats?
The Thundercats. Grandpa Huxtable would clean HOUSE.

5. Maul has an "M" on his forehead. Robin has an "R" on his costume. Captain America has an "A" on his mask. Do they just think we're so stupid that we'd be talking to them and forget their name?

What about the "S" on Superman? Oh, wait, I guess that's his family crest or something. Sure, they didn't make that up 50 years later or anything.

6. Do we get to see Voodoo's "White Hot Room"?

Sure, but its $40 for ten minutes, and $25 for each additional five. You've gotta keep your pants on, though.

7. Speaking of Voodoo, a superhero stripper, seriously. What is that all about?

It's about the BEST IDEA EVER!

8. Do any of the post-Jim Lee Cats show up? Condition Red? Savant? Ladytron? The Combat Accountant?

Nope, this first issue is all old-school. Grifter, Spartan, Voodoo, Zealot. These are the characters you remember from the original series you bought 20 copies of, hoping to pay your way through college with, which have sat in your closet for the past 15 years and aren't worth the price of the paper they're printed on. Or, wait, you might not even remember these characters, because you never actually read the comic, for fear it would damage it. Ah, the good old days of comic "collecting," not "reading."

Actually, Ladytron is supposed to show up down the line. In an orbital prison for super powered people. Which is completely different than shipping them off to the Negative Zone.

9. My cat just had kittens. Do you want one?

Only if it's named Lord Empussy. Or maybe Fluffy Daemonite.

10. In high school, my football team was named the Wildcats. One year, we got beaten at our homecoming game by a team called the Gophers. Is that because I didn't properly charge my magic sigil?

Probably. That, or Zatanna didn't properly cast her "loohcs tirips" spell.

11. Do you think Grant Morrison used magic to make "All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder" late?

If by "magic," you mean "masturbated violently to images of Zatanna to charge his anti-ASB&RTBW Sigil," than yes, he used magic to make "All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder" late.

12. Does Jim Lee draw this book any faster than All Star Batman?

Well, since it's over a month late, I'm gonna have to say "no." I love me some Jim Lee, and who doesn't, but I find it disappointing that the launch title for yet another relaunch of the Wildstorm Universe is late.

Image couldn't get this book out on time when they started in the early 90s, they couldn't figure out what to do with it during the mid-late 90s, relaunched as Volume 2 (which didn't seem to work), relaunched again as v3.0, tried to increase sales with the Coup d'Etat series, cancelled again, and now, again, back to the beginning. Hopefully the fifth time's the charm.

13. Is Jim Lee ashamed that Whilce Portacio got Wetworks out a full month ahead of Wildcats #1?

One would have to assume so.

14. Why is the art so goddamn bright?

Because this is Silver Age WildCATS pop-comics mixed with magic, baby! Jim-Lee-via-George-Perez-plus-Jim-Steranko, plus the best sigils a hand job can buy!

15. How many Morrisonisms does the issue contain?

About as many as the answer above.

16. Does Alan Moore make a guest appearence?

A very brief one, and only to tell the reader he doesn't want any of your money. No, really, he doesn't. Not a cent. Nope.

17. Isn't Grifter dead?

Yes! Grifter died in Captain Atom: Armageddon #8, only to be reborn the next issue, along with the rest of the Wildstorm Universe. You see, Captain Atom crossed over to the Wildstorm Universe from the DC Universe in order to show them how to sell a comic book. Universe-spanning Crisis? That's money, my friend. Universe-spanning Crisis, with relaunched titles by Grant Morrison, Jim Lee, Gail Simone, Brian Azzarello, Gene Ha, and others? That's a lot of money, my friend. Remember, destroying the universe for financial gain is ok, as long as you put it back together when you're done with it.

18. Why did they deviate so far from the movie's continuity, and did they ever get notes from the studio about it? Did Wildstorm fail to get the likeness rights for Goldie Hawn?

From the Wikipedia listing:
In 1991, Jim Lee began attempts to aquire the rights to make a comic book series based on the 1986 Goldie Hawn football film "Wildcats". With a verbal agreement, Lee began working on the series, planning to update the core football concept for the more "eXtreme" comic book buying audience of the 1990s. But, in early 1992, negotiations stalled when Lee realized he would not be able to get the rights to the characters of Trumaine and Krushinski, portrayed by rising stars Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson.

With few option available to him and looming deadlines, Lee decided to rework the art and script. He decided to elevate the core football game concept to that of a war between alien cultures, the Kherubim and Daemonites.

If you read the first issue carefully you can still see some scenes that were originally written for the football field and it is clear that Zealot was meant to be Goldie Hawn's character, Spartan was Woody Harrelson, and that Grifter was Wesley Snipes.

19. At what point can we sue Jim Lee for failing to ever make use of the "covert" part of "Covert Action Team"?

In the actual, legal sense of suing someone? Never. It is very doubtful that you (or anyone) would be able to prove that the comics audience at large was ever directly affected by the entirely non-covert nature of a comic book superhero team. You would be hit with large legal fees for even trying to bring up such a useless, empty threat of a lawsuit and Jim Lee would continue to roll swim in his gigantic piles of money like some Asian-American Scrooge McDuck. We instead suggest that you hit up Petition Online, as that's free of charge, and slightly less useless than a frivolous class action suit.

20. Was "Wildcats" ever a good name for a superhero team?

Yes, in the 90s, when everyone had names like Deadpool, Deathblow, Bloodshot, Deathstrike, Fighting Zebra, Vintage Crusher, Golddigger, Winged Beavers, and Wampus Cats. It was a perfect blend of violence and high school sports team names. Semper Fi!

Read 20-Odd Questions: CIVIL WAR #2



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