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compiled by the YMB Staff
Just a few weeks ago, web giant AOL got in trouble, according to the New York Times, for publishing online a "list of the Web search inquiries of 658,000 unnamed users from a public Web site". The list was published "on a new Web site (research.aol.com) [and] meant to endear AOL to academic researchers by providing several sets of data for study". Instead, it drew the ire of bloggers who "complained that the information was so detailed and personal that it could compromise the users’ privacy".
So what did AOL do again this past weekend? They published a brand new list "of 20 million search inquiries collected over a three-month period"! Outrageous! Shocking! Do they not realize the deadly power of the blogger! Do they just not care that someone at eblogger, their mom, and maybe three or four friends will read a scathing attack come Monday?
Anyway, one of the "anonymous" searches struck our researchers here at YMB as... oddly familiar. See if you don't see what we mean.
(Is that enough set up? Good.)
Here's the list of searches that AOL published for anonymous user number 34789048:
34789048 Marvel Comics
34789048 Spider-Man
34789048 Spiders with seven legs
34789048 secret identities are for losers
34789048 how to kill off married superhero spouse
34789048 "Frank Miller" Googlefight "Mark Millar"
34789048 Mark Millar $$$$$$$$$$$
34789048 Does scottish count as English?
34789048 civil war winner
34789048 American civil war winner
34789048 appomattox
34789048 Madrox the multiple man
34789048 Madrox the multiple man -"gay porn"
34789048 Ash superhero
34789048 Chuck Austen comeback
34789048 Making Sure They Never Publish Those Pictures
34789048 How To Dispose of Blackmailer's Body
34789048 IMDB "Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back" + Quesada
34789048 Joe Quesada +Eliza Dushku
34789048 "Joe Quesada" -Quesadilla
34789048 "Joe Quesada" +awesome
34789048 "Joe Quesada" +best Colbert Report appearance ever
34789048 Bill Jemas
34789048 Bill Jemas misses Joey Q?
34789048 Jem Ass
34789048 Jam Ass
34789048 Ham Ass
34789048 Dan Didio Phone Number
34789048 Paul LEvitz email
34789048 making friends of enemies
34789048 make up sex
34789048 distinguished competition
34789048 douchebag company
34789048 dinosaur charity
34789048 Detective comics
34789048 Delicious comics
34789048 Delicious cocktails
34789048 Tom Cruise Cocktail
34789048 Marvel stock price
34789048 selling stock
34789048 golden parachute
34789048 CGC 9.8 Daredevil: Father #1
34789048 Late comics
34789048 Late comics okay
34789048 Brian hibbs big mean jerk
34789048 Joe quesada smash brian hibbs
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 08:00 AM
by Pete Goodrich
LSH #11:
Now I was a fan of this title in the 80’s. Not a diehard (at that time I was still a Marvel Zombie. West Coast Avengers 4-eva!) but this was when the seed for my later Legion fanboyism was planted. That was the original Giffen run, with Levitz as writer; the entire brawl with the Legion of Super-Villains. Brilliant stuff. It got me into the characters. One issue had a huge chart with a rundown of all of the LSH members past and present. And even then at the tender age of nine did I ask “who or what the hell is a ‘Matter-Eater Lad?’ What a dumb name!” And I was and am right. His powers too.
But as dumb as the name (and powers) might be, the character himself is another story. Particularly in the pages of LSH #11. Aside from the wealthy Chameleon Kid, Tenzil Kem (M.E. Lad) probably did the best of all the remaining Legionnaires. Now a planetary senator for his home planet Bismoll and holovid star, this opens the door for him to get back to Earth. His holovids are just shills for an intergalactic insurance company framed around bad examples of archaeology, in this case explaining the discovery of the long-lost Batcave for proof that at one time, Abraham Lincoln was several stories tall. Yeah.
Tenzil is actually back on Earth in an effort to get Brek Bannin (Polar Boy) out of prison, where the corrupt Earthgov has been holding him for 2 years on treason charges. One hilarious courtroom scene later and Tenzil does the job. The things they did with Tenzil in v4 are among my favorite ‘funny’ comics out thee, but aside from that this is one of my favorite character revamps ever. One of the goofiest characters ever turned out to be one of the funniest. Just very well done.
Also in this issue we see more of the repercussions of Roxxas’ rampage from the prior issue. Just a couple pages, but we learn (in order) that Roxxas is still on the loose, we then see Roxxas on the loose (and killing doctors), we see Brainiac 5 checking in on his patients (Celeste Rockfish is at deaths door), and then we see that Jo Nah is not actually dead, just teleported deep, deep into the Dominion. OR IS HE?! Well, he is, but there’s a bit of a twist we’ll see later.
SIGNS OF THE TIMES: Multimedia! Movie ads for Quick Change and Darkman (odd that they pimp this movie here when Marvel did the adaptation comic), but the back cover? An ad for Swamp Thing; the TV series. I seem to remember enjoying that TV show. Or maybe I’m thinking of the sequel to the original Swamp Thing movie, which was not very good. The suit looked good at least.
LSH#12:
Three big things happen this issue, two of them being things that are annoyingly left dangling for most of the series.
One: The group organizes, and brings down Roxxas. Well, bring down in that they pick him up after he succumbs to his injuries. Jo Nah (who we see is trapped in some far-flung Khundish outpost…OR IS HE?!) had really beat the crap out of him in issue 10. So the Legionnaires opt for the heroic route, and save his life. The news picks up on the reunited LSH, much to the chagrin of the Dominators on Earth. As this is exactly what they were hoping to avoid, they are understandably upset.
Two: we get introduced to Kent Shakespeare, ex-Legionnaire on the ocean world of Quarantine. Great name, that. He’s doing battle with the Fatal Five’s Persuader (who looks a lot cooler in this dirty future than he did in his original run) in an undersea hospital, and not faring well. In the background we see that the Science Police (and former LSH member Colossal Boy) are unable to intervene.
Three: Celeste is saved from death by the Glowing Green Ball of Mysterious Mystery that we’d been seeing for several issues. Through flashbacks, we learn that she’s actually a cousin of Leland McCauley (intergalactic rich guy, sort of like an evil RJ Brande) and also that Celeste once discovered a dead Green Lantern! The Glowing Green Ball of Mysterious Mystery heals her entirely, and dissipates.
They never come back to that. Not for the remainder of the Giffen/Bierbaum run. Celeste just fades into the background. Another writer (Tom McCraw) brings her to the front of the line for his run, but we’re not getting into that here as I only want to focus on the good stuff of v4. For that matter, Kent Shakespeare doesn’t get a lot of face time in this series either. He’s introduced as a former Legionnaire, gets to rejoin the team in time, and then…they never get into his history for the remainder of v4. Disappointing. One flaw of this title is that with such a massive cast (and massive number of subplots) a few things get left unresolved, or underestablished. This issue brings us two examples, but trust me: there’ll be more.
Fun fact: Kent Shakespeare’s original super-hero name was ‘Impulse,’ making him the first hero to hold that name. Thought I assume he had a ‘Lad’ or ‘Kid’ or ‘Boy’ attached to that at one point. I don’t know, they never get into his past.
SIGNS OF THE TIMES: Another inner front cover ad for Darkman, but there are more house ads than anything else this time around. Lobo #1 for a dollar! And an ad for some run in the Superman books for whatever the hell the ‘Krisis of the Krimson Kryptonite’ was all about. I find those three initials distressing. Back cover has an ad for the Atari Lynx, which they intended to be serious competition to Nintendo’s Game Boy Which is to say that it was a failure. The Nokia N-Gage of its day!
LSH#13
Hokay. This is the ‘State of the Universe’ issue, and it tackles perhaps twenty separate storylines. One at a time!
Shakespeare fights and takes down the Persuader. In the background, Gim Allon (“Colossal Boy”) ties to find an excuse to use his old powers again, to no avail. He does hook Shakespeare up with a ride towards Winath, so he can rejoin the LSH.
We see Science Police director Circe take a verbal beating from her Dominator masters. They’re not happy with her. There’s a Dominator battleship hovering in orbit above Earth, too.
After the Persuader’s arrest, we see his old cohort from the Fatal Five Mano apologizing to his boss, criminal mastermind ‘Starfinger.’ I’m sure the Bond reference sounded a lot less dumb in the 1960’s.
Jo Nah is trapped between the Khunds and Dominators. Turns out the Dominators are the ones he actually has to worry about, as they shot the Khunds.
We get a page with Laurel Gand beating the bejesus out of some Khunds. I get the impression this is a regular thing for her.
We get a page of funny with Tenzil and Brek as they try to deal with the repercussions of their trial from 2 issues back. It ends with Tenzil’s powers actually coming in handy.
More from Winath: Rokk Krinn and Garth Ranzz (my spell-check hates me right now) are looking for a new headquarters, we get a bit with Kono and Furball (Timber Wolf, in a heavily mutated form) and Rokk and Shrinking Violet take a moment to touch base about what they both went through at Venado Bay. Flashback issue a-coming.
Epilogue features…Glorith! Who is not dead. Turns out when she rewrote the universe back in issue 5, she wrote herself in as ruler of the planet Baaldur. She and the Time Trapper have one last face to face where the Trapper insists that she needs him to continue to control the universe, and Glorith kills him. It’s a one-sided argument. She leaves the issue fully intending to conquer the universe.
Solid issue. A lot of things get addressed, and this is where the seeds for a number of future storylines are planted. The back of the issue gives us a little text piece that explains further the shape of the universe as it is for that period. The Khunds control most of the universe from past aggressive action (and come back huge in issue #15) with a commanding 32%, another 29% of the universe is unaffiliated, the United Planets has a mere 24% together, with the Dominion closing out the rear with just (Earth) 9% of the universe.
SIGNS OF THE TIMES: More movie ads! For terrible movies! Well, Tom Savini’s Night of the Living Dead remake was pretty good, if unnecessary. But there is nothing good or necessary about the film adaptation of Stephen King’s Graveyard Shift, which adorns the back cover. I say that as a fan of bad movies, too. This was a thing that stood out to me back in the day: “Wow! Comics have movie ads now! People will finally take comic books more seriously now!” …I don’t quite know what led me to that, but that’s what it was. House ads: we see an ad for the classic original Books of Magic, some assorted fantasy comic advertisements, and one thing stands out to me at the end that I would actually like to read: a Superman annual by Chris Claremont and Michael Golden. Claremont at his prime and Michael Golden? I need this annual. Action Comics #3.
LSH #14
More with Kem: this time he and Brek tangle with Evillo; another character from way back in the day. Ahh, Evillo. Prince Evillo, ruler of the planet Tartarus. You can tell from the name the guy used to be a villain. And with a name like ‘Evillo,’ he’s just gotta be from the 1960’s. Well while he is an antagonist in this issue, but he’s no longer a pure villain; having joined the United Planets. He’s still up to no good, trying to rape Tenzil’s sidekick/aide-de-camp Calorie Queen and then exiling Tenzil to his personal realm of darkness. He escapes eventually with the aid of Sugyn (think outer space Viking- another refugee from the 60’s) and ends up freeing all of the other exiles of Evillo’s, basically showering the planet with zombies. I loved every page of it. Go to Ebay.
Tenzil’s story ends with him headed to Winath to rejoin the LSH. Other subplots addressed feature Jo trying to hijack a ship out of the Dominion, and back to the United Planets, and Garth taking Cham and Rokk to their eventual new headquarters.
SIGNS OF THE TIMES: More ads for the Lynx, and for the remade Night of The Living Dead. The best thing about that remake? Well aside from the stronger version of Barbara in this: Tony Todd as the lead. That guy’s great. There’s a great house ad (Brian Bolland art!) for the very first Robin miniseries. Tim Drake’s been around for sixteen years as of November. It doesn’t seem like that long, does it?
Next time around: the reborn Legion goes to war! The outer universe! Flashbacks! Dr. Fate Original Recipe!
Discuss this article in our forum.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 08:00 AM
Welcome to a special one off, never to be repeated even though it pretty much seems to be a rehash of other stuff, Comics Outsider special which peels through the Interweb fanboy chatter and gets to the real meat of the Civil War rescheduling debacle.
Yep, debacle which is latin for "screw up of major proportions, et puella". Its almost as bad as DeBarge, but not quite.
In the interests of keeping the sensationalism quotient high, we will bullet point each piece of truth and salacious gossip, and end each one with one or maybe even six bullet points. For good measure, we will put FACT at the start as well, as everything this week has been checked and double-checked with the most non-lying of Internet sources. And we'll even add a colon, too.
FACT: The original summer event that Civil War replaced was going to be the first ever all musical comic book universe crossover.
FACT: Joss Whedon, who wrote the music for the Buffy musical episode a few years ago was going to mastermind the event.
FACT: Each comic would play a song when opened, like those fancy greeting cards. Each issue of the event would cost $24.
FACT: Neither of the two main creators Mark Millar or Steve "David" McNiven is to blame for this. It is in fact the fault of one Nurse Jane Hernandez of Cedar Rapids, Iowa!
FACT: The art for issue 4 and 5 was complete until someone in Marvel editorial got cheesesteak all over it.
FACT: Joe Quesada has taken to the ancient art of Aroma-Chai where one sits in a bath of sickly sweet tea and occassionally rises to use a stale french stick to rub ones arm pits and that reverse elbow crack!
FACT: Marvel attempted to bribe Newsarama to not run the "Civil War Delay" story. But Matt Brady already had a pair of Iron Spider-Man Underoos!
FACT: Bill Jemas came up with the concept of Civil War after Marvel shipped the first two issues.
FACT: I get the thing with Batman as a grinning psychopath in All Star Batman and Robin The Boy Wonder!!
FACT: Grant Morrison will return to Marvel. He switched back to milk for a while, but friends and close sources say that he really does prefer the powdery substitute.
FACT: Civil War is done. Complete. Finuto. All issues are in the can and this is a huge Marvel PR stunt. After the moaning is over, they will turn around and say that due to their love for the fans and retailers they have pulled out all the stops and flayed the creators mercilessly until all 7 issues of the main book, and 47 issues of Civil War:Front Line are done!!!!
FACT: All issues and crossovers (943 books) will ship on 19th September!
FACT: This is the day in 1960 when Chubby Checker's "The Twist" enters the US Charts!!!
FACT: Chubby Checker's real name is Ernest Evans!
FACT: Chubby Checker headlined the Superbowl XXII half-time show bonanzarooni!!!
FACT: "Lets Twist Again" was conceived and written by a young Bill Jemas!
FACT: Fan Favorite Retailer Ryan Higgins likes Civil War!
FACT: No, really he does!
FACT: Yes, he does consume more DC product than a coke vacuuming Washington resident, but he does like Civil War!!
FACT: Tom Breevort is a Skrull!!
Discuss this article in our forum.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 08:00 AM
By the YMB Staff.
YMB's crack reporters were able to get LOST executive produce Damon Lindeloff talking by plying him with beers at a recent ABC television event.
We learned to things. First, one cheap domestic beer buys you lot of time with Mr. Lindeloff. And second, we now know MAJOR SPOILERS for LOST's third season.
Which we are happy to provide you with now (don't say we never got you nothin'):
ITEM!: Harold "Michael" Perrineau will in fact be returning for season 3, but in flashbacks only. These will be extra footage of his quest for Walt that took place throughout Season 2. By contract, he must shout "He's my boy!", "Walt!", or "I'm his father!" once in each scene he's featured in.
ITEM!: Executives at ABC still reeling from Nipplegate (The Jackson/Timberlake Super Bowl incident) are feeling skittish about the upcoming episode that focuses on Vincent the Magical Dog. While they are confident that the canine-centric episode will draw the younger viewers, they are afraid of a viewer backlash to the twenty-three minutes that are devoted to Vincent licking himself.
Notice: That scene will last for twenty-three minutes.
ITEM!: In Libby news, Cynthia Watros' character will continue to make more appearances dead than she did alive. Look for her to appear as a patient of Jack's father, to share a jail cell with a fugitive Kate for drunk driving, as a groupie backstage at a Driveshaft show, passing the hand towels to Sun in a South Korean bathroom; and then walking through a door held by Jin, riding the bus that drove past Michael just seconds after he was struck by the car, and in a Marrakesh opium den owned and operated by one Mr. Eko. She will receive no dialogue.
As the mysterious "Others" have taken Jack, Sawyer, and Kate hostage and the explosion at the hatch have led to the disappearances of Mr Eko and John Locke, look for a new Lostaway to step up as leader of the 'tribe.' Marine biologist in training Phil Reinhardt (played by Ted "Soap, Blossom" Wass) tries to assert himself as the new leader of the group, meeting conflict with Sayid and Charlie.
After a three episode run (including flashbacks where we learn his reasons for dropping out of marine biology school- his tuition ran out!) detailing this strife, he is eventually ousted from the Lostaway camp once it is revealed that he had served up the mummified corpses of "Adam and Eve" (mysterious mummies found in the grotto in Season 1) as boar jerky. Will he join the mysterious "Others?" That friends, is a question for Lost Season 5!
ITEM!: The mysterious secret of the Black Rock is finally revealed! A flashback set in the 1600's (filmed with the assistance of Gore Verbinski on the set of Pirates of the Carribbean 2: The Black Pearl- synergy!) will detail the mysterious pull of the mysterious island as the Portugese slave ship The Black Rock is mysteriously shipwrecked on the mysterious island when they follow a mysterious signal thought to be the mysterious, mythological Siren...that is actually the voice of the mysterious Danielle Rousseau, her voice mysteriously transmitted back from the 21st century to the 16th! Mysterious!
ITEM!: Product Placement! Season 3 of LOST will feature what producers are hoping to be a subtle change to viewers, namely the introduciton of product placement to the mysterious island. Although the hatch is no more, the mysterious airdrops will continue from the Dharma Corporation...only this season will see that Dharma has upgraded from it's own generic products! Borderline insane Frenchwoman/hermit Danielle Rousseau will be able to shave her armpits with the new Gillette Venus razors for women! Will Hurley be able to control his eating disorder when faced with a rainstorm...of Cocoa Puffs? He's cuckoo for them! And sadly, John Locke will find himself once again paralyzed when struck by an airborne can of Chef Boyardee Pasta Roni.
The identity of the 'Great Man' as mentioned by the Others will be revealed...and he is *not* the man who called himself Henry Gale. The real identity of the mysterious figure behind the Others? Funnyman Tim Allen, reprising his role as "Tim 'The Tool Man' Taylor" from the 1990's hit TV program "Home Improvement. ABC is hoping he can bring his own special brand of ratings magic back to the network with this very special role. Our reporter is betting...he can.
ITEM!: ABC will be taking bigger and bolder risks than ever before with Season 3- and NOT with the lifes of the Lostaways! This season will feature more corporate synergy than ever before. Hurley will hallucinate that he is on the hit ABC reality program "Dancing With the Stars," in a hilarious twist Sawyer will reveal his secret obsession with 'Desperate Housewives," and more of the tragic past between long-lost lovers Desmond and Penelope will be revealed in a special episode, shot entirely at the Epcot Center.
Discuss this article in our forum.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 08:30 AM
by Pete Goodrich
LSH#4
Deceased member Mon-El returns from his grave, mysteriously. He checks in with his lady friend (Legionnaire Shadow Lass) and reveals that the Time Trapper (much like Mon-El thought dead in the prior, Baxter LSH series) was in fact not; and was up to no good. (there’s some other stuff in there with the Trapper and a false relation of Mon-El who are inhabiting Mon’s subconscious, but the hell with that. No one cares, and it’s unimportant in regards to the rest of the overall story) They then go to track down Brainiac-5, supergenius of the LSH for answers.
So a problem here was how the Legion related to Superboy in this post-Crisis, post-Byrning time. As Superboy no longer existed yet was still an integral part of the Legion’s creation , they were in a bit of a bind as the inspiration of the group was no longer in continuity. But then came the one big-ass retcon among the many retcons in the Legion’s long history. And it came in issue 4, which was entitled: “Untitled.”
Enter the Time Trapper. Manipulator of…time, the Trapper reveals (after a fight scene in which the Trapper gets whupped on pretty serious by Mon-El) he’s been pulling the strings the whole time, setting up the Legion to serve his own ends. Now it gets a little convoluted. Here's the rundown:
1) The Time Trapper wanted to rule all of time, but would not have been able to cause of the interference of Mordru. (JSA readers recognize the name as a big ol’ threat, but at this point he was just a generic-ish wizard who wore a hat that even Thor thought was a little doofy.) In fact, Mordru would have ruled the universe for some thousand years had the Trapper not done his thing.
2) In order to get around this, the Trapper created an alternate earth in a pocket universe so that when 30th century man attempted time travel, the Trapper rerouted them al to his own li’l Earth. On this Earth he created “A timeless legend of teen valor,” being Superboy, who then went on to inspire the Legion who then in the future fought back Mordru, Darkseid, and all sorts of other bad guys including the Time Trapper.
So! The Trapper tells Mon-El that if they kill him: their entire timeline will be wiped out as if it never happened. Mon-El decides that while everything the Trapper said might be true: he’s still too much of a dick to be left alone. So he kills him.
Signs of the times: can you say ad for Tango and Cash on the back cover? Knew you could! Some fine synergy on Time-Warner’s part. They’re still pimping the VHS release of Batman pretty hard, and we get some house ads for the Atlantis Chronicles, Adam Strange (the Kubert series), and Time Masters; a book I almost bought at Heroes Con this year, but ultimately decided that money would have been better spent on a coffee. I bet I was right.
LSH#5
So here we are, in the new 30th century. Mordru has been ruling the Earth for seventeen years at this point, and the universe for however much longer. (it doesn’t say) Mordru’s Earth is a lot more low-tech than the 30thC we’re used to. He is in fact, a cruel leader as one might imagine. There is a resistance however, one that is seeking a way to change things back to what they were. In the ‘corrected reality,’ a resistance group involving Rond Vidar, Douglas Nolan (known as Ferro Lad in the previous reality before he died) and Mysa (formerly the White Witch of the Legion, now an other-dimensional concubine of Mordru) conspire to restore the prior reality with the aid of Glorith (killing herself for the spell-which they did not mention), another of Mordru’s concubines. And away they go.
We see the switch between a Durlan and a black-haired woman (Phase, formerly of the L.E.G.I.O.N.; a title that is both gone and forgotten) which was the double secret genesis of the LSH. More on that later. Everything goes white again, as we hit the History Eraser Button. The shiny, candy like button.
Signs of the Times: another ad for Tango and Cash adorns the back cover. Even then at the tender age of sixteen, did I recognize the film for the turdburger that it is known as today. We also get an insert for the Clive Barker movie Nightbreed (which I remember as being pretty neat) that ultimately ended up as an Epic (Marvel) comic. A little weird, that. The house ads are all the same, except in issue #5 we get to see an ad for the “Superman/Flash race: 1990.” Which I assume ended with them working together to bring down Mr Mxyzptlk; a name I have just spelled from memory. I am geek:read me roar.
I wish I could pick up the pace a little bit, but there's all sorts of retcons that need to be addressed. Now if you think I missed something important, or just want to discuss the stuff I’ve left out (like the Legion Omnicon info pieces, which are really quite cool) please take it to the forums and we can go from there. As for now: I have 33 more issues to cover.
LSH #6
Back to reality and the main storyline, the Rimbor group has traveled to Tharn, the Sorcerer’s World to try and rescue the White Witch from Mordru. Through the aid of a versatile Probe spy (these things are better than a Mac) Mordru sends them on a magical mystery tour of their worst moments: Chameleon Kid’s death duel with his brother, newbie Legionnaire Kono’s near rape at the hands of more space pirates, Ultra Boy flashes back to his origin, only with the added bonus of his deceased wife Phantom Lass, and Cosmic Boy revisits Venado Bay(the incident where he loses his powers, essentially crippling him), only with his deceased brother added in. This extra detail snaps him to the fact that this reality is false.
We also see that the bestial sidekick known as Furball is actually ex-Legionnaire Timber Wolf, hopelessly mutated after the effects of something called ‘Black Dawn.’ They do not show Black Dawn until both Giffen and the Bierbums are gone from the title, and the final explanation is actually pretty poor considering it took them so long to get to it. I say that as a big fan of the character, and freely admit my geeky bias.
We get an intro to Laurel Gand, a Supergirl analogue introduced to take the place of Supergirl (see previous comment on Superboy related retcons) as she gets ready to fly to the rescue of the above five Legionnaires.
And we also see that as a cover for actually hiring the psycho, Earthgov stooge Sun Boy has hired a PI with the unlikely name of Celeste Rockfish to track down Roxxas. She enlists the aid of Devin O’Ryan (a reporter for the Daily Planet- 1000 years young!) and Bounty, an, er…bounty hunter. More on her later. Both of them actually, as the Celeste character was shaping up to be pretty interesting…until they forgot about her for like twenty issues. They get to Trom (site of Roxxas’ first genocide- you never forget your first!) and hook up with Element Lad.
At this point in the series, I was getting pretty stoked for the all-new, all-different LSH. No more dumb code names, grim AND grittier stories, a bleak and desolate future…yeah, I ate it up with a spoon. It was a new take for the DCU; where the future was always so bright before it was now tarnished and…well, it worked. It wasn’t a cheap invigorating twist like breaking Batman’s back, or turning Hal Jordan evil. It made it darker, but it made sense and it worked without seeming cheap.
Signs of the Times: Ahh yes, an ad for Batman: Digital Justice. Polygonal! I’ve never actually read this, and I have no intentions of doing so as I’m pretty sure the product as read today would either make me laugh uncontrollably, or just sneer with disgust. I’m pretty sure my phone has better images than this thing did. And on the back cover we have an ad for the mega-hit Adventures of Ford Fairlane. How the Diceman’s star never soared as high as it could have I will never know. And giving us a glimpse of what fandom was before the internet we see a ballot for the CBG 1989 Fan Awards. I forget who won. I forget what CBG even looked like.
LSH #7
Big Fight Issue. Laurel Gand goes to rescue the captives, and does battle with Mordru’s vampiric Secretary of State Vyrkos. He’s a vampire type of character, Giffen uses the shadowy face look that he uses later on little known Marvel character Lunatik. As al this is going on, we see Rokk’s dinner with Mordru. It’s really well done, just a splash page and text detailing both points of view of the principals. It’s just so…adult. Not in the XXX sort of way, but in the mature sense. And not in that ‘mature’ sense either. Just two enemies discussing their plans over dinner. It’s the kind of confrontation you’d expect from Batman and Ra’s Al Ghul, shortly before they throw down with cutlasses. I liked the Rokk/Mordru thing because it showed how far they’d come from their prior renditions as goofy wizard and goofy future hero. Mysa (The White Witch) returns with them as they make course to Winath, to pay respect to Blok.
Also returning to Winath are Jan “Element Lad’ Arrah, Celeste Rockfish, and crew. Best of all, a fake ad in the back dedicated to the Probes, treated just like those old ads for the Apple 2E’s. The Probes promise 1000 words a minute, apparently. It’s done in the style of a Hewlett-Packard ad, or perhaps what Apple used to do back in the day before their current thing with the kid from Galaxy Quest and that one dude from the Daily Show.
Signs of the Times: in the Johnny DC rundown, we learn that Gilbert Gottfried spent some time at the DCU with Scott Lobdell in order to brush up on his comics knowledge for an appearance on the old pre-Smallville Superboy show. That’s a surreal visual. AFLAC! More ads for Ford Fairlane, and an ad with the Crash Test Dummies advocating buckling up.
Issue #8
We get another POV on the origin of the Legion, but from here we can see exactly where the Time Trapper’s manipulations took place. But it works. As retcons go, it’s not the worst. It builds off of what had gone before and ties it into the editorially mandated restrictions, but while still making it fit. The old origin is the same (three super-powered teens team up to save the life of rich industrialist RJ Brande, he rewards them by funding their super-hero club) but this time it is revealed that Brande was shunted in time from the 20th century through the manipulations in issue 5, as his connection to the 20th century hero Valor (the revamped Mon-El) would influence his decision to aid the Legion.
Basically, Brande survived the Invasion! Crossover and had hooked up with the L.E.G.I.O.N. for a spell, before getting ripped forward in time to found the LSH. He is replaced by an amnesiac Phantom Girl, for reasons…I do not know. Seriously, I have no idea why she had to be sent back in time to match Brande. A later annual sort of implies that it was Glorith's revenge on Ultra Boy for screwing with her plans to control the universe, but I’m actually a little hazy on the 'why' behind the switch. Brande makes sense, but Phantom Girl...huh?
We also touch base with the Legionnaires, who have been sent to the far end of the universe by Mordru, who decided to be a dick about giving them safe exit from his planet. We find out that Laurel Gand has had a daughter with Rond "Second String LSH Associate" Vidar, which promises future problems with Brainiac 5. See, the character is no longer Supergirl, but the pre-Crisis love thang (for she died in the Crisis, thus ending the aforementioned love thang) that she and Brainy had is still in continuity.
A little confusing, I know. But bear with me. Art’s by Chris Sprouse, in what looks like his earliest work. It’s very solid, but not nearly as tight as he would become on Tom Strong, or the recent Ex Machina special. He does a good job of blending aspects of the older 50’s envisioned LSH and mixing it in with a slightly dirtier future.
Signs of the Times: Inside Cover: an ad for the then-upcoming Dick Tracy adaptation, which DC did a comic book adaptation of. Kyle Baker did the art, and it was a million times better than the movie was. Johnny DC brings us news of the impeding Batman/Grendel crossover with Comico, which I believe ended up coming out maybe 7 years after this announcement. It was worth the wait. And inside the book they again pimp the Adventures of Ford Fairlane. Nobody cares now, nor did they then.
Issue #9
Flashback city. The origin of Laurel Gand, who was created to fill the hole that Supergirl once would have been in. It gives her bio (the framing device shows that Roxxas is watching it, to brush up on his enemies) as a young Daxamite, who as a kid managed to destroy an entire Khund army. The rep she earns from this follows her character throughout the remainder of the series, as the Khunds make repeated efforts to track down and kill her.
The style is…well, it’s very much like what I saw of the LSH from the old reprints I’d read. Cheesy. I liked it for filling in the gaps in her character; as in doing so they help fill in gaps in the history of this new Superboy/Girl-less continuity. But while I acknowledge the necessity of such a flashback issue, I wish that they’d done more with the current continuity. And Giffen didn’t do the art so meh on the whole.
Also in this issue: Roxxas learns that Earthgov has sent Celeste Rockfish: PI after him, and he freaks out; thinking that they’d betrayed him. Which…they sort of did. He then learns that the whole crew will be reuniting on the planet Winath, so he sets off for them. And we also see a green, glowing orb of mysterious otherworldly energy floating in space that is also mysteriously headed to Winath…mysterious.
Signs of the Times: Inside cover gives us another Dick Tracy ad. Inside of the book gives us an ad for Robocop…2. Or as an old friend of mine would refer to it several years later “Robocop BOO.” The back cover? “Get yoah ash to Mahs.” Yes, an ad for Total Recall. Arguably one of Arnold’s finest movies.
Issue #10
Roxxas comes to town, and goes to town on the Legion. All of the former Legionnaires are back together, and slowly getting the same idea: lets reform. But the budding LSH reunion is almost obliterated as Roxxas has stealthed onto the planet to do some damage. During his rampage, he finally comes out and reveals that Earthgov is being secretly run by the Dominators, but its to Celeste who he promptly beats into a coma. So you know. Your secret is safe with me! He wrecks them pretty good though. Aside from beating the Space Bejesus out of Celeste (who gets her leg blown off for good measure), reformed villain Mekt Ranzz is beaten and let for dead, mysterious bounty hunter...Bounty is also beaten and left for dead (shot too), Jo Nah is disintegrated after laying a hellacious beating on Roxxas, and Chameleon Kid Reep Daggle gets shot in the head. It’s a heavy issue. After the last two recapfests, it’s nice to bring the focus back onto the main plot. And better yet, to have Roxxas kick the shit out of them. It’s a little impressive seeing how easily the goofy bastard (he's still dressed like Austin Powers...in spaaaaaaace!) runs through the Legionnaires.
We get to see more of that mysterious green orb in space, but just for a second. I think they were going to go with something crazy cool with this, but ultimately pussied out. More on that later too. But best of all the last page gives us a glimpse of the latest returning Legionnaire: Tenzil “Matter-Eater Lad” Kem. He had one of the worst names, and a power granted by some stoned writer; but Legion of Super-Heroes v4 took a lame- even for the Silver Age- character, and made him awesome. One of the best parts of the series as a whole; especially if you’re a Giffen fan like I am.
He gets his own issue coming up. Join me here next edition, or swing through our forums and we can talk more about this fantastic old series of comic book. If this is all new to you, you missed out.
Signs of the Times: Same movie ads as before (Total Recall and Robocop 2) excepting one for Arachnophobia. Remember when they started using movie ads in comic books? Back then I thought it was the craziest thing ever, and that comics were then due to kick into the mainstream. Yeah. As an aside, the Robocop mini that Avatar had put out? Based on Frank Miller’s original script for Robocop 2? A million years better than what we did get. I wish Hollywood had gone with that instead. And in 1990 you could get 12 issues of a comic by spending between $9 to 21 bucks. Can you believe that?
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