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June 07, 2006



The Comics Outsider - 7th June 2006

Right. Wizard World Philly. Emptier than last year, yet still filled with gossip and intrigue. Shock upon shock awaits you, avid reader.

IS A LIE A LIE IF SHE MEANS IT?

Definitely true.

Maybe not so true.

Mostly lies.

SKRULLS KILLED, DUDE?
We all know the New Warriors all died in the first issue of Marvel Civil War. Every single one. Dead. Forever.

Or did they?

It's been leaked that the New Warriors who died are actually Skrull impersonators. And that Tony Stark has engineered the entire Civil War in order to get the all the Skrulls currently impersonating Marvel superheroes to reveal themselves.

So expect the ramifications of the Civil War to be short lived as everything that goes wrong in it can just be blamed on Skrulls. And, of course, a new Skrull Kill Crew ongoing to debut in 2007.

CRIMINAL FLAW
Want to know how they're going to tone down Batman? Easy. Put him up against really poor criminals. Over the next 12-18 months the Dark Knight will find him up against an increasing number of really crap villains who really won't be taxing his crime fighting abilities. It gets to be such a joke that he decides to kick back and actually swap the colored sparkly water for real champagne, carouse with the ladies and let Huntress deal with the evil dregs.

FOUR LITTLE WORDS
A lot has been made of the alleged three little words that Lois says to Clark this Summer, but we can reveal that it is actually four little words. Blanked out to save spoilers (yeah, I know I always said I wouldn't spoil but Hell, it too hawt):

"Is it in yet?"

You read it here first.

ARTISTS SWIPING I ?

This swipe was sent in by Lionel Schmaltz of Boston, Massachusetts. Good find, Lionel!
= ?

PRINCE OF TIDES
Namor, the Sub Mariner will be back in a 12 issue maxi-series in 2007 which will deal with his love affair with a land dweller. No, not Sue Richards (nee Storm); someone who will need some love after her latest flame calls time on their affair. Yes, Agatha Harkness, fresh from her break-up with Spider-Man turns to the fish scale underpant wearing waterbreather. But is he just a rebound case? His wing ankled feet will be high above his head in April 2007.

RUBBER NECKING
Plastic Man is coming back, but leaning more towards the serious side of life. The funny rubber ex-con will follow the same route as Namor as one of his usual childish advances actually gets a positive response. Not once, not twice, but 5 times. Big Barda, Donna Troy, Firehawk, Jade and Metamorpho all fall for his charm.

Wait, Metamorpho? Yes, well he can be solid, liquid or gaseous, so why can't he be a she?

DEVIL DOG
So, who is Daredevil? Marvel has flat out told fandom that Civil War is happening at the same time as Matt Murdock's current incarceration. Yet Daredevil's out and about in Civil War. What gives? Does Marvel owe everyone a No-Prize?

Nope. Turns out that after he is released from jail later this year, Matt Murdock will end up going on a cosmic, time-traveling adventure. It's Matt Murdock from the future that's currently wearing the red tights.

This all leads to an exciting change in Daredevil's status quo: Daredevil, Herald of Galactus.

ARTISTS SWIPING II ?

And this swipe was found by reader Elaine Shonk of Spring Valley, California. Good eye, I almost missed this one myself!
= ?

OUT, OUT DAMN SPOUSE
Mr. Quesada's been dropping hints that something big is afoot with the Spider-Marriage. Long considered the crippling factor in the Spider-Man books, more than even worthless new powers, for-shock-only storylines, and the decimation of his supporting cast, look for Marvel to take bold moves to bring back the "loser single" Peter Parker that they claim everyone is clamoring for.

Starting next year, Marvel will launch a massive crossover storyline entitled "Civil Union" wherein we find out the majority of the spouses of Marvel characters are dirty, shape-shifting Skrulls. Marriages are annulled! Lives torn apart! Status Quos renewed!

Of course, the biggest shocks of all will come from the characters who want to stay married to their Skrulls and petition the government to change the Marvel Universe's definition of marriage to allow it!

"Hey, it worked with the Human Torch", one Marvel editor is on record as stating. He then followed up with, "Skrulls, Skrulls, Skrulls! They're everywhere, man. They're in my macaroni and cheese."




Read the previous Comics Outsider.



Discuss this article in our forum.

Discuss this article in our forum.

Posted by YourMomsBasement at June 7, 2006 09:00 AM


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