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In a slight departure from the normal column this week, The Comics Outsider reports from one of the more obscure events in this diverse comics world, The 2006 Slash Fiction Awards. Join him, the nominees and the winners in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, due to a slight accident with his camera and an unexpected Search and Seizure, there are no actual pictures from the event. However, we did Google Slash Fiction and print some of the tamer pictures that were listed.
Comics conventions are all well and good, but it can be argued that they are not really focused on the comics buying public, but more as a glorified sales tool, hype market or some form of publisher self pleasure. They don't seem to be by the fans, for the fans which some of the better, smaller Cons used to be.
So, where are the truly innovative events now? Who will be the champion of the comics fans who are too shy to appear in the glaring lights of a full, fledged Con? Who, to paraphrase Ms Bonnie Tyler, are the streetwise Hercules, to fight the rising sun? Where are the heroes, from the end of the night that have got to be strong, and got to be right and got to be larger than life?
Well, I met a few of them at the weekend when I attended a truly innovative awards ceremony; The 2006 Slash Fiction Awards.
This is the third year that these awards have been handed out, and each year it has grown in stature. As is the case nowadays, these started out via an Internet message board "virtual" awards bestowed to the writers of the very best in slash fiction. However, such was the response from the slash community that plans were put in place to have an actual, physical ceremony at some stage. It took 2 years, but when everyone signed in at the Las Vegas Tropicana Resort and Casino, you could tell that something special was about to happen.
The atmosphere was positively dripping from the chintz curtains that surrounded the banquetting hall and the event had attracted a crowd of well over 500 people. There was laughter, singing and a general fun feel to the whole thing. Drinks flowed, and there were more wings than you could shake a stick at, so on the catering front there were no issues.
Of course, since slash fiction is text based, there wasn’t much scope for showy graphics. However, some of the authors did read extracts from the stories nominated in the big categories. Of course, many of these readings were pre-recorded as some authors still prefer to remain anonymous. As an added visual aid, a large screen television behind the podium showed panels from various comic books which featured the lead characters in some poses which could almost be fitting in with the tone of the stories. Someone obviously had a lot of time to peruse their long box and get down for some hot scanning action.
Another innovation was used for the "Best Slash Character" and "Best Slash Couple" awards where look-a-likes were hired to portray the comic character nominees. Of course, I don’t think much of the show’s budget was spent on hiring these people and the guy playing Professor X did look a little nervous when the crowd chanted "Give him some tongue!" when he and Magneto received the "Best Slash Couple" award.
I even managed to do a "live" version of The Comics Outsider column, using more slash oriented rumors of course. Such as:
The Helmets and the Wheelchair
Seems as though Magneto and Professor X’s relationship is feeling the strain at the moment, but don’t panic as "Stroking the X" writer Magslove1718 is rumored to be introducing some brotherly love in the form of Juggernaut to shake things up a little. Look for Juggy to hop between beds as he works his way up to the ultimate X-threesome.
I won't go into much detail about others as they are spoilerific and I know some of you are avid followers of this sub-sub-genre, so lets leave the veil of mystery at half mast.
I thoroughly enjoyed the event, but I had to ask the organiser, Gunt001, how these winners and their storylines could ever be topped.
"Well, 2006 is shaping up to be even better," he said enthusiastically. "Three or four of the regular writers are working on a major space based epic they're calling 'Analiation'. Its going to blow your mind."
Here's a rundown of the main winners this year:
Best Character (Self Pleasure): Plastic Man (3rd year running)
Best Couple: Professor X & Magneto
Best Crossover: Green Lantern/Silver Surfer: "Board in the Rings"
Best Writer: LuthorSupes2601
Best Artist: Rob Liefeld
Most Shocking Revelation: Martian Manhunter reveals he is pregnant with Superman's child in "Surprise Package"
Best Anime Slash: Fists in the Northstar
Best Sapphic Scene: Power Girl and Supergirl make love as worlds collide in "Kissing Cousins"
Best Group "Scene": Batman vs Joker/Clayface/Penguin/Riddler/Two-Face/Killer Croc/Hush in "Villains Lubricated"
Best Threesome: Jamie Madrox, Jamie Madrox & Jamie Madrox in "Multiplication/Masturbation?"
Best Hero/Villain: Superman and Lex Luthor (3rd year running)
Most Horrific Moment: Atom's climax kickstarting his growth process and ripping Yellowjacket apart in "Tiny Love"
Oustanding Achievement Award: XLover01
I hope you enjoyed this special report from an event which can only go on from strength to strength I'm sure.
Me? I’m just looking to the Boise Cosplay Convention this August. I’m working on my Sailor Moon costume even as I write, how about you?
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 01:39 PM
by Sanjay Shah
This column is about great comicbooks runs that deserve to be collected for more widespread future reading.
The Question. DC Comics, 1986.
36 Issues and 2 Annuals.
The Start.
The Question was Zen Buddhism, well choreographed fight sequences, hard boiled pulp with a new age ideology, a blank faced seeker of the truth, utterly corrupt institutions, a comic unafraid of complex issues and an exploration of evil and the weakness of man.
The question really was how did veteran writer Denny O’Neil and artist Denys Cowan cram all this in successfully within their 36 issue run?
The character was originally invented by original Spiderman artist Steve Ditko in the 1960s for Charlton Comics and was a sounding board for his personal views on objectivism and moral absolutism. He was a TV reporter who went out and fought various crimes as a faceless (thanks to a special mask) vigilante. He only made some limited appearances and the character wasn’t used again until the mid-eighties when Charlton was bought by DC.
Alan Moore initially wanted to use him and the rest of the Charlton heroes for what eventually became reworked into The Watchmen. Ditko’s Question was a large influence on Moore’s sociopathic character of Rorschach, a man of absolute and uncompromising morals. But Denny O’Neil, who started out at Charlton, had other plans for him.
The Change.
Denny and Denys reintroduced The Question, a.k.a. Vic Sage, in the first issue of his title. It was without the comics code and later DC felt they needed to have a mature readers warning on the cover due to the contents of more sophisticated themes of sex, and violence. Cowan was inked by Bill Magyar who nicely softened some of Denys’ crosshatching and complimented his art. Malcolm Jones III took over on inking from issue #22.
Denny decided to change everything about the Question, he implemented his own eastern philosophical ideas which were in some ways a complete turn to the ones Ditko had for the character. Denny was an editor on the now legendry Frank Miller run on Daredevil, Miller had made the character his own and brought in ideas of Daredevil’s catholic childhood, infused hardboiled characters within the superhero genre, strong influences of Will Eisner's The Spirit comic, martial arts and beautiful choreographed of fight sequences. These all may have influenced O’Neil when he reworked The Question.
After I found out about the Ditko version, I did wonder why Denny O’Neil didn’t just make a new character up rather than change this one so drastically. But upon rereading the series recently it’s interesting to see why O’Neil did what he did by putting a character with absolute ethics into the moral ambiguities of the, then, modern 1980s. The character development alone made for interesting reading.
I found these in the back issue bins when the run was nearing its end. It was the fantastic Bill Sienkiewicz cover for the first issue that made me pick it up and it was the cliff-hanger ending and complex characters that made me seek out more. Denny even had a recommended reading book at the end of each issue.
The First Year
1 - The first issue introduces us to the Ditko version of The Question, violent, arrogant and absolute in his beliefs. Even his other role of TV reporter Vic Sage (a.k.a. Charles Victor Szasz) he comes across as an unsympathetic bastard. He works out of Hub City, a place that makes Gotham seem as bright as Metropolis. We are also introduced to Vic’s girlfriend Myra, he’s also pretty callous in his relationship with her. Vic shows a slightly warmer side with his scientist pal and the creator of The Question’s mask, Aristotle Rodor, who seems to be the only person that Vic really opens up to.
O’Neil understood that in order to really shake things up they must be destroyed and reworked. The end of the first issue The Question is beaten senseless by Lady Shiva (hired by the power behind Hub City, Reverend Hatch), then Hatch’s goons beat him with a metal pipe, shoot him in the head and then he’s dumped for dead off the Hub City docks. And that was only his first issue.
2 – Vic is such an asshole that you almost cheer when you think he’s been killed. The series may have been very short livied though if we didn't find him waking from a coma in a hospital. He's been rescued and saved by Lady Shiva, who felt him worthy enough to be trained to fight properly. When out of hospital, he meets Richard Dragon, who’ll tutors him, we have the compulsory montage of training, learning and healing (hell, even Rocky had a montage!) He studies under Dragon for a year until he is ready, Lady Shiva then turns up to test Vic to see if he’s improved before he gets to go back to Hub City
3 - We learn more about the corruption in Hub City. This issue focuses on Junior, a bullied kid of an abusive criminal, attempting to blow up a school bus full of orphan kids just to show his dad he’s not a wimp. Vic gets to the bus in time, a fight in the snowy weather ensues as the kids are saved but Junior gets away. O'Neil also gives Cowan space with the action sequences in this issue.
4 – Vic sees Myra after being away for a year, she’s reveals that she’s been forced to marry the mayor by Reverend Hatch who is really running things. He is utterly mental and decides to sacrifice Myra to the devil. Vic attempts to stop him killing Myra, she instead delivers the killing blow to Hatch.
5 - This issue focuses mainly on various citizens of the city, a rape and then subsequent suicide of the rapist, a corrupt cop deciding if he can do the right thing, a forgotten old woman named Maude is saved by the Question from a mugging and then wonders if her life is actually worth living.
One of my favourite Question issues. O’Neil shows us that there is no pure good and evil from justified killings of criminals, to rape and rapists and cops and bad guys. This issue physically shows us why the Ditko’s Question of absolutes wouldn’t have been able to exist for too long in 80’s America, O’Neil shows us the very need for The Question to change.
6 – Junior, the bullied criminal kid is back, and is sporting a bandaged up face, having poured acid over it. Now looking anonymous to everyone, including his father and his gang of criminals, he takes them all on and they mistake him for The Question. After taking on the gang, Vic gets to the scene but it’s too late. Junior reveals his burnt up face and his identity to his father after fatally shooting him.
7 - The Question teams up with a gambler called Volk as they both go up against the mob. Turns out Volk has some wolf like abilities. These are played down thankfully as overt superpowers would have looked out of place in this book of mostly talking faces (and no-faces).
8 – The Mikado, a vigilante killer is dressing like a Gilbert & Sullivan character and exacting fitting revenge on his victims. The horrifying elements are done well and some of the characteristics of the Mikado remind me of John Doe in the film Se7en. Myra tells Vic that she can’t be with him, now she's married and taking on the duties of the very alcholic mayor. The Question investigates the murders and the identity of the killer is revealed as he is stopped.
9 - 11. These three issues have Vic tracking the kidnappers of his friend Aristotle. Vic finds them in a place called Santa Prisca. The Question soon finds this becomes an unusual search and rescue.
12 – Vic and Myra realize they need each other and begin an affair. Their relationship is well handled by O’Neil and is realistic for the time in its examination of both conflicted characters. Vic puts a stop to a mentally deficient killer, who’d been eating the polluted soil of Hub City. Before a fight happens, the killer collapses from poisons in his body. We leave the Question as he decides whether to get a doctor or let the killer die.
Highlights for part 2 – The Question spends an entire issue buried up to his neck. He reads the Watchmen and wonders what it is to be Rorschach. Teams up with Green Arrow. Confuses the Riddler and takes on Lady Shiva again!
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 11:00 PM
Welcome to part 3 of a(n un)limited series of rumor threads from The Comics Outsider who has been delivering his unique brand of ministry since before records even began. So he was the first. Okay?
GUANING AUTHENTICITY
Okay, so the "graphical gurus" were asleep this week and there's no new rumor gauge. However, we have been granted an unlimited user license to Guan Tai's Spidey-face signs. Why don't you take a look at his Your Tube videos. There are bootie videos there.
So, if its definitely (possibly) true its 
, possibly true but maybe not we have 
, and for probably so much bat guano that its... well... 
. Thanks Guan.
On with the scoops!
V FOR VENDETTA, A IS FOR APPLE
Look out for Big Bird and the Sesame Street Gang to put their own twist on Moore and Lloyd's eponymous tale in a move which the producers are hoping will be just the first of many to get the ailing kid's show some hipster street cred.
THE BEARD MUST DIE
Rumor has it that Oliver "Green Arrow" Queen's trademark goatee is to be shed for the start of One Year Later. Apparently he wakes up as Mayor, sans facial hair and can't remember what happened to it. The first 6 issue arc juxstaposes his first few months in political office with his testing out new face fuzz. The moustache and sideburns issue is a hoot.
AVENGERS AHOY!
In order to tie into the upcoming "Pirates of the Carribean" sequels, Marvel plans to intriduce a fifth-week event where all of its characters that wear pirate boots get taken to an alternate dimension full of... you guessed it... pirates!
Look for Captain America, Hawkeye, and Angar the Screamer to walk the plank this summer.
And you know what Joey Quesada, I am going to coin the phrase "Marvel Pirates" so, when you're done with "JLApe", I mean "Marvel Apes", drop me a line. No doubt I would get scooped by ATR.
LE DOSSIER DE GRAND COUP
We start our swipes with a cunning one this week - swiping the title! Gah!
RUMORTOID ARTHRITIS
After Infinite Crisis, look for one of the Supermen to be in a nursing home. It won't be Earth 2 Superman as that would be too obvious, so which one will it be that will be having the bed baths and their bags changed?
MARVEL-OUS, LESS FAT TOO
Which one of the Marvel gang is being put on a crash diet in their book? Is it someone out in space, doing battle in alien gladiatoral arenas? And why should he need to lose some pounds if he just has to think nice thoughts and he drops 32 inches off the waist? Beats us.
SWIPE FILED PART DEUX
Lets take a look at some classic swipes.
REPLICA-TASTIC
In the tradition of DC Direct's Bat-Belt replica prop and Marvel's own Iron Man mask replica prop, look for Marvel, in conjunction with Diamond Select, to announce it's latest replica prop at Wizard World LA!
And what might it be?
None other than a replica of Cable's mid-90s thigh-belt with pouches! That's right, the ever present 90s thigh pouch belt can now be yours! The belt extends from 20 inches circumference up to 50 inches for those fans with more thigh that needs belting! The thigh belt contains 114 individual pouches.
VICTIMLESS CRIMES
DC are rumored to be creating a new crossover for 2007 which focuses on crimes which really don't affect anyone, on the surface. These are masterminded by the usual suspect - aka Lex Luthor - to really piss of Superman and Co. There will be 2 kinds - Corporate and Really Stupid. The Corporate is of course inspired by the recent fraudulent activities by some big organisations (woo double entry book-keeping strikes the DCU!) but the Really Stupid crimes are the best where such grotesque and horrific villains as The Joker, Sinestro, Mr Zzazzzzazzz and new Batfoes Chicken 'n' Basket run around helping old ladies across roads they don't want to go across, wearing really loud clothes at sombre occasions and miming people into a state of hysteria. Top stuff.
SWIPED FILE III: FINALE!
And keeping with the Classic Swipes.
Update: 03/23/06
Hyperion/Nighthawk?
Apparently Jeph Loeb will be working with none other than Rob Liefeld on a Marvel project in 2007.
Thanks to Marvellous M for that one.
McGuinness Book of Records
Yeah, my puns are getting hard to maintain.
Anyway, Marvellous M didn't give one scoop, but two in saying that "Ed McG is going Marvel exclusive". Now, it could be that he got his G and B mixed up and he means Ed McBain, but I think that since its Marvel and a comics rumor then its more likely to be Ed McGuinness.
As ever, we'll see.
In Closing
Next week the column will be a little different as I'll be attending a special event this weekend and intend to do a piece on that. But don't worry, as I'm sure there will be rumors aplenty, and if you're attending The 2006 Slash Fiction Awards in Las Vegas, maybe I'll see you around.
If you have any information on scoops, swipes and sc-rumors, then drop The Comics Outsider a line to comicsoutsider @ gmail.com.
Read The Comics Outsider (March 11, 2006).
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 05:03 PM
Writer's Block.
by Gary Walters
So, where you might ask have I been the last two months? Did I land a big time comic job? No. Did my comic book property get optioned for an exciting Hollywood motion picture. Again, no. Did I write a back-up story for the next DC Secret Files issue? Sorry, not quite. I have been trapped. Trapped in a prison of words. Or, rather trapped in a prison of lack of words. I have had... the writer's block.
Once second I was writing the exciting adventures of my comic book character Even Steven. The words shooting from my fingertips like lightnening from Electro. And then... no more. No more words. No more nouns. No more verbs. No more contraptions.
The written word can be a harsh mistress one second she is imparting unto you the gift of fluent wordical beauty. Next then stop doing that.
Now writer's block can be a very personal tramatic experience, but as this column is about my climb up thorugh the ranks of comic book writingdom, I wanted to share, my personal pain, with you and also give you some helpful hints about how to avoid this trap for yourself.
So, what was I writing when this tragedy occurred?
I was well into the second issue of Even Steven and getting ready to put together my submission packet to Image. In the second issue, Even Steven finds himself confronted with an Angel of Light who is actually working against our hero of darkness, thus subverting the Bible genre. The Angel warns Steven that he shalt not be suffered to live as he is an instrument of darkness and not of light. And never shall Even Steven be one of the good guys, for his power lies in darkness. Steven was to turn to the Angel and say back to him... nothing. Nothing came out. I hit a wall. A wall of blocks. A wall of writer's blocks.
I typed a bunch of crap, trying to get over the wall. I had Even Steven say "No way!", "You can forget that!", and "Suck it!" But none of it felt right. None of it felt real. It was a defining moment for the character, him standing up to an Angel with the very power of God almighty, and just needed to feel grounded and real.
So I was stuck. Days passed. Bills piled up. And I just stared at the screen. The cursor blinking just past "EVEN STEVEN:". Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.
Blink.
Blink.
Blink. Blink. Blink.
So I decided I needed to break through the writer's block?
But how?
I had taken a creative writing course a few years back and the teacher had said that you should try a few things. NONE OF WHICH WORKED FOR ME. But here they are from his syllabus:
1. If you can't write about anything else, try to write about writer's block as a method to get through it.
Tried it. Wrote "I can't think of anything to write" three times and gave up. Stupid idea!
2. Look inside and figure out what's wrong and address any personal problems you might have.
The problem is I can't write!
3. Try talking to other writers and see what's helped them.
No thanks. That just leads to writers stealing your ideas. Believe me, I know. Seriously. Can't talk about it, but believe me.
4. Change your location, change your clothes, change your pencil to a pen or your pen to a pencil. Shake things up.
I'm not writing with a pencil. Then I just have to copy everything over again into the computer. And the computer's in my bedroom, so I can't change my location. I did put on a shirt and pants thinking that would make me feel more "professional". But the shirt was tight and itchy.
5. Try to free associate. Write down a few key words and concepts and the try to associate new ideas and words with them, thus creating new paradigms through associative interpretation.
I don't even know what that sentence means.
6. Don't be a slave to what you've written. If something's unworkable, be willing to give it up and move on.
No way! I'm not throwing out my hard work. Easy for you to say Mr. "I Teach Basic Creative Writing On The Side". These words are all I have! I got bills to pay!
7. Be calm and relaxed.
You be calm and relaxed, you jackass. With your'e stupid shitty retard help!
So... as you can see these "methods" of "help" were anything but.
So, clearly I needed to find my own way out of my block.
So, I sat there and tried to write. Tried to write really really really hard. Urrrrgh. But nothing came.
So, I decided to take a break. Instead of writing I played some video games (Rise of the Imperfects ROXS!) and watched some of my favorite movies (Aliens Vs. Predator, baby!).
The next day it rained. I thought maybe that would get me in the mood to finish the dialogue of our melancholy protector of the night, Even Steven.
So there I was again, trying to write... you ever have one of those days where you try so hard and then the next thing you know it's 3 Oclock in the morning and your standing outside in the rain, crying?
So it was back to my video game and some more movies. Chatted online with some friends (love ya Smurfbamfer492!). Friends are great when you need encouragement. They can remind you just how talented you are and how much the world needs you to express that talent to them. They can also recommend great movies to fill up the time that a writer's block can eat up from your life as a writer.
So I returned back to the script the next day and then, two days later I finally found the words to finish the scene.
| PAGE 1
PANEL 4 CAPTION
EVEN STEVEN PANEL 5 PANEL 6 CAPTION PANEL 7 SERAPHAMIN EVEN STEVEN (Muttering) CAPTION PANEL 8 EVEN STEVEN PANEL 9 CAPTION PANEL 10 SERAPHAMIN CAPTION EVEN STEVEN SERAPHAMIN PANEL 11 PANEL 12 EVEN STEVEN |
Not too shabby.
So, if it ever happens to you, wear your writer's block like a badge of honor, for only the truly creative will ever find themselves cursed with a lack of ability to make that creativity become good words.
Read Volume 1, Issue 8 of The Tricks of Turning Pro.
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 10:00 PM
Not having been run out of town yet, even though the rumors he revealed were RED HOT, the Outsider is back to dish the virtual dirt on the great and the gross of the comics industry. This week: casting news on the Iron Man movie, Jack Chick, the return of Amalgam, and Marvel succession planning for Captain America.
GUANING AUTHENTICITY
Okay, so the "graphical gurus" were asleep this week and there's no new rumor gauge. However, we have been granted an unlimited user license to Guan Tai's Spidey-face signs. Why don't you take a look at his Your Tube videos. There are bootie videos there.
So, if its definitely (possibly) true its , possibly true but maybe not we have , and for probably so much bat guano that its... well... . Thanks Guan.
On with the scoops!
GOT MILF?
Over at the old House of Ideas, watch out for the resurrection of Agatha Harkness and the resultant torrid affair with a directionless Spider-Man, once again sans silly-costume. This one has Valentines 2007 dripping all over it.
TONY STARK RAVING MAD
Heard on the Oscar Red Carpet: Nick Nolte...Iron Man...
FANBOY, CRAP THYSELF
DC Staffers were abuzz last week over the heretofore-secret news that the real conclusion to Infinite Crisis will take place in 52. Specifically, in issue #52 of 52.
WINTER'S COME AND GONE
This summer it will be revealed that the Winter Soldier is actually a memory implant that is part of a plan, orchestrated by the Red Skull, of course, to drive Steve Rogers mad. Look for Steve to retire the shield and be replaced. By who, you ask? By none other than the high-flying Falcon, Sam Wilson! Sam Wilson will then be replaced as the Falcon by the lethal and sexy Diamondback. Diamondback will be replaced by the enigmatic Ronin/Echo from New Avengers. Ronin will see her mantle taken up by none other than Danny Rand, Iron Fist. With Danny Rand otherwise occupied, who will be the new Iron Fist? None other than Shang Chi, Master of Kung Fu! And, of course, the new Master of Kung Fu will then be... Misty Knight! Marvel has no plans yet to replace Misty Knight. But give them time! Maybe Dakota North or something.
A MURDER OF 'WINGS
Bruce Jones the new writer of Nightwing will be introducing a Nightwing Corps. A murder of Nightwings to take root in several cities across the DCUnited States. Expect Nightwings to be placed in New York(confirmed), Dallas, Los Angles, Seattle, Chicago, Denver, Phoenix and Paris, Texas.
Where they get their funding and who leads them is unknown, only that they are contacted from time to time from a mysterious Mr. Blue.
AKA: THE LAMB
Recent news be damned! Alias Comics, tied closely with fellow indie publisher Speakeasy, will NOT, in fact, be shutting its doors. It will be tweaking its line, however. All Christian comics. The first book, The Lamb and the Lion, is slated for publication in September. Alias is planning on "skewering modern genres by inserting quietly subversive Christian messages." The Lamb and the Lion is a ministry book molded on the traditional buddy-cop formula--a hard-drinking ex-Crip priest teams with a fresh-faced, soft-spoken "n00b" right out of Seminary to fight the forces of creeping moral decay on the mean streets of Indianapolis.
YOU DON'T KNOW JACK
Look for a recently-in-the-news comic book publisher to announce a deal with Jack Chick to publish and distribute new and old Chick Tracts. The deal will also include toys and merchandising, so expect to see toys of your favorite Chick Tract characters, including Blasphemous Business Man, Blasphemous Gang Member and Blasphemous Pagan Witch to make it to toy shelves in 2007.
"The toys will come with prayers that children can say with the toys during play time, thus 'saving the soul' of the toy character," says an insider familiar with the deal.
Why re-publish Chick Tracts, which are already more or less available everywhere, free?
"It's all about getting our product into WalMart," said a spokesman for the company.
Look for the 16 page, black and white, 2 x 3 inch tracts to individually retail for $3.99 this fall.
If you have any information on scoops, swipes and sc-rumors, then drop The Comics Outsider a line to comicsoutsider @ gmail.com.
Read The Comics Outsider (March 4, 2006).
Discuss this article in our forum.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 02:58 PM
IN A STATE THAT'S A SICKENING SHADE OF BLUE
by Grandma Dandy
Being a Republican in the northeastern United States is something that's becoming harder and harder. With the political climate in this country being roughly akin to two mentally handicapped adults fighting over whose going to get to stick their dick in the toaster first, I’ve learned that it’s often just best not to talk about politics at all. But, since I’m an asshole, I find it hard to keep quiet when I hear some of the "wordpoop" spewing from both sides of the aisle. So here I sit, ready to make a stand. YES, I am a Republican. YES, I know what they stand for. And if you have a problem with that, do me a favor: Don’t tell me what a douche I am for choosing a party, because at least I possess the testicular fortitude to pick something and vote for it, as opposed to the 70% or so of the country who don’t bother voting. And I will even be courteous enough to explain why.
REPUBLICANS SHOWER REGULARLY
When I was a bashful young lass studying politics in New Haven, I would pass by the same group of unshowered and uneducated students in front of the library every day. They would stand there, and scream about how George Bush is destroying this country, how George Bush only cares about oil, and how George Bush is trying to create an evil empire. Well, kids, I've got some interesting tidbits of political information about how America works. Oil is what heats your home, it runs our cars, and it keeps porn stars slippery enough to make that loot. And I don’t know about the rest of this country, but I’m not goddamn riding a bicycle to work every day, nor will I give up my slippery, slippery porno. Interesting fact number two: Even if George bush creates his evil empire, I think our old buddy, MR. FUCKING CONSTITUTION says he has to be out of his nice house in Washington in 2008, no matter what. And the worst thing about these smarmy hippies was that as soon as you tried to engage them in some sort of intelligent discourse, they would scream at you about how I'm what's wrong with America and how I’m a Nazi for supporting Bush. So I shook my head, knowing that I was different from Nazis. They supported the destruction of a specific group of people based on appearance and religious belief, while I believe in the extermination of all life on the planet, just because it's sometimes fun to scream out "Shenanigans!" and start from scratch.
Step off Smelly Liberal.
I SUPPORT WAR BECAUSE IT'S A GOOD EXCUSE TO START ANOTHER WAR
In all the history of mankind, there is no direct proof that war has ever hurt anyone. Just imagine what kind of a population problem we would have right now if people just decided to calmly settle their differences with polite talk and hugging. But ask a liberal, and every war is a bad idea. "I DONT WANT OUR TROOPS TO DIE OVERSEAS!!!" they always shout. Time to be realistic. If you don’t want to die, then don’t join the goddamn army. We don’t give them guns just because the wood paneling on the handle matches both their hair and their eyes. It is terrible that out soldiers have to give up their lives to protect us, but it’s kind of in the job description when you sign up. Do we have to put up a disclaimer at recruiting stands now? Warning: Fighting in a war may cause death and/or dying. And whether or not you supported going into Iraq, bailing out of it in the middle of an insurgency may not establish the best political climate for that country. We all know what the rules are: He who has the C4 strapped to his chest makes the rules. Besides, we all know Iraq is just a springboard into other countries such as Iran, Syria, New Zealand, Burma, South Africa, North Africa, Canada, Mexico, Florida, China, and Mongolia. There you have it kids, Grandma's Predictions of the next 11 wars this country is going to get into. And for those of you who are wondering why I haven’t been committed or on and episode of Cops, the next section ought to show you why.
IT’S OK TO DISAGREE, JUST SO LONG AS YOU DONT DISAGREE WITH ME
One of the biggest problems in this country is that people aren’t allowed to disagree anymore. You get two responses. "You're a stupid hippy liberal" or "You're a warmongering Nazi Republican" and in truth, neither are usually accurate. Yes, sometimes one or both can be true, such as that unkempt group of stoned jackasses protesting everything within fifteen feet of them outside of the library at my old college. Or the poor old dirt farmer with a swastika tattooed on his forehead firing a 12 gauge into the air, constantly worried the King of England is going to return and take away his right to bear arms. But for the most part, most people are like me. They believe what they believe, and its ok for people to disagree with them, just so long as you can back up insane rhetoric with some reasonably intelligent arguments. I looked long and hard at both parties (not really. I just like executions) and decided to make a choice.
ELEPHANTS CAN KICK DONKEYS’ ASSES AS LONG AS THE DONKEY ISN’T HIDING WMDS SOMEWHERE
Do I agree with all the policies and beliefs of my party? No. But do I believe that they stand for more of my beliefs? Yes. Do I only hang out with Republicans? No. My own brother is a liberal, and we seem to get along fine (after an incident with his hands around my throat and a knife against his, but that might have just been that game of Risk we were playing). Disagreement is the cornerstone of our political system, and without it, we would be a nation of robots. I will be goddamned if we end up like those damn mechanized Swedes, so I say to my fellow citizens: Pick something to believe in and stand by it, and that is all it takes to earn your right to an opinion with politics around me. The people who bitch the most about politics are often the people who have never voted in their lives, so the next time someone calls you out on your beliefs, ask them if they voted. If they say NO, then feel free to either walk away or light them on fire and then walk away.
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 11:00 AM
The Comics Outsider has been scrabbling inside the virtual bins of all of the comic book industry players since the Dawn of Creation. He has crossed oceans of time to bring you the latest word on Marvel's Ultimate Universe, fought fire breathing dragons to tell tales of Image's daring do's and pushed aside mighty boulders to unleash details of the next Grant Morrison projects week in week out, without fail, yessiree. Sure he took a hiatus, but whats a hiatus between friends?
NEWS FROM IN AND AROUND THE NY COMIC CON
The Outsider had an interesting weekend. After getting trashed with the Marvel-ous and celebrating-the-anniversary-of-his-birth CB Cebulski on Friday night, he had a bit of trouble waking up on Saturday morning, and hence, the outlook was grim for news and rumors and tidbits from the day's festivities. However, through my twin powers of sleuth and stealth, I managed to creep inside unnoticed by either the authorities or the organizers. And hence: rumors.
BROKEBANNIHLATION MOUNTAIN
A little birdie inside Marvel offices tells me the Rawhide Kid is going to be the lynchpin to their big summer crossover, Annihlation. Keep an eye on this character's appearances over the next few months.
THE SWIPE FILE
As we all know, many of today's comics artists do tend to pay homage to their favorite artists, or use certain images or models for inspiration. No harm in that. However, the Outsider has learnt that some comics covers and character poses use other influences.
For example:
is basically just this image, turned upside down:
A RUSE
It has come to my attention, from one of my little moles, that all of Quesada's trashing of the character Speedball has been a ruse to hide the fact that at the end of 2006/early 2007 Speedball will be coming back in a new ongoing series from Ed Brubaker - who has a lot of love for the character - and Skotty Young.
TURTLE GETS THE HARE
Jimmy Olson, Turtle Boy, Gail Simone, Brids of Prey, pregnancy.
SWIPE FILE II
How about this then?
could be the biological twin of this:
YOU BUY MARVEL COMICS? YOU'RE LETTING THE TERRORISTS WIN.
The Comics Outsider has learned through confidential sources that Marvel EIC Joe Quesada has an older brother that he has kept secret from his co-workers and peers in the comics industry lo these many years. His brother's name? Albert.
As in Al.
As in Al Quesada.
Yes. That's right. Captain America is secretly under the guiding hand of Al Queda. Why isn't Patrick Fitzgerald looking into this?
AMIN THE MOOD FOR LOVE
Rumor has it that Alias are about to creep up to controversy and give it the big old kissarooni as they announce their latest title "Young Dictators in Love". The books all feature partially fictional early romances of the very worst despots such as Hitler, Idi Amin, Pol Pot and Donald Rumsfeld. Click on the image on the right to see some of the concept artwork.
An announcement was to have been made at Wondercon, but according to an insider they "want the Danish thing to go away first".
COMICS ON THE GO!
Verizon Wireless and Marvel Entertainment are in the talks to distribute through phone editions of Marvel Entertainment's comic book properties. Each comic will cost $2.50 an issue. Expect there to be what would be in a normal traditional 22page comic with ADs.
WORLDWATCHING
Those of you who have been lamenting Austen Comics' flagship title, the X-rated "Worldwatch" should be cheered by the latest rumor. Seems as though the book may make it to the small screen sometime soon, either as a straight-to-dvd release or a mini series.
However, not content with alledgedly firing himself from his own book, creator and Austen Comics honcho Chuck Austen has apparently also fired himself as screenwriter and executive producer. He will be replaced by Auck Chusten, a self dubbed "Antipodean Entrepreneur/Artiste".
SWIPE FILE III
And its not just the new kids that may have dipped their toe into the swipe arena:
Bears some thinking about eh? More from The Swipe File next week.
If you have any information on scoops, swipes and sc-rumors, then drop The Comics Outsider a line to comicsoutsider @ gmail.com.
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 06:33 AM
by Won Kim
Short Looks at Three Oscar Contenders From Asia & A Festival Favorite.
I was surprised to learn that countries actually nominate the films that compete for the Best Foreign Film Oscar at the Academy Awards. (I thought academy members nominated stand out films that screened at the international film festivals.) Equally surprising were some of the films that get nominated. In recent years China’s Hero, Hong Kong’s In the Mood for Love> and Japan’s Twilight Samurai certainly deserved their nominations. Those films were well directed, beautifully shot share a certain dramatic gravitas. In contrast, this years entries from South Korea, China and Hong Kong were all crowd pleasers at home, but I question if they are strong enough to compete for an Oscar. In some cases there are clearly better films to choose from, and in one case, however meaningful one comedy might be at home, I question how readily it’s import will translate abroad.
A pleasant mix of drama and comedy, Welcome to Dongmakgol (2005) is the Korean nominee for the best foreign film award. Closely adapted from a successful stage play, Dongmakgol has the look of an extremely well-produced episode of M*A*S*H. The look suits the story: with the exception of a few scenes set on the mountain outside the village, and quick shots of American military radio traffic, most of the action takes place squarely in the center of town. The comic elements and the ‘theatrical quality’ of the production already separates this story from most cinematic treatments of the Korean War era, of which the bombastic melodrama Taegukgi: Brotherhood of War is a good example.
Separated from their company, three North Korean soldiers barely survive an ambush. Stumbling away from the carnage, the injured, bloodied men run right into a simple-minded farm girl on a mountain trail. She leads them to her village, high up in the mountains. There the soldiers are stunned to learn that somehow, miraculously the inhabitants have been spared the ravages of war. In fact they are completely unaware a war is going on at all. More surprises are in store. The villagers already are putting up an American fighter pilot, badly hurt in a crash landing. Soon two lost South Korean soldiers, join them. A tense stand-off results. I held my breath watching the last third of this film. Dongmakgol could have ended up as yet another variation on “Lost Horizon” where the soldiers either (1) learn the meaning of peace by being assimilated into a low rent rural version of Shangri-la, or (2) “Seven Samurai”, where the soldiers band together to fight off outsiders or (3) the soldiers could turn upon themselves, resulting in a nihilistic bloodbath, or (4) learn they stumbled into a time warp, as in < Star Trek and change the course of history. I shouldn’t have worried. I’m pleased to report the film comes to a solid conclusion - a strangely fun spin on the notion of sacrifice.
Jeong Jae-young, the pugnacious squad leader in Silmido, the abusive boxer in No Blood No Tears) is the senior of the North Korean soldiers. Shin Ha-Kyun, the deaf mute factory worker in Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, and the alien hunter in Save the Green Planet plays a South Korean demolitions man. While they make the tension between soldiers feel very real, the script doesn’t give them the opportunity to show the range they’ve displayed in earlier roles. Likewise Kang Hye-Jeong (Mido in Oldboy), who is fun as the simple-minded farm girl. The peasants seem there primarily for laughs. Welcome to Dongmakgol is well-made and entertaining: I wish it were more. Like Forest Gump I imagine it will mean much more for domestic audiences in Korea than it will to members of the academy. I agree with those who say it’s a bit light for academy award consideration. Were it up to me, I would have opted for Duelist to represent South Korea despite that films tendency to polarize audiences.
Nominated for Best Foreign Language Film at the Golden Globes, director Chen Kaige’s (Farewell My Concubine) The Promise (China, 2005) is an engaging storybook fantasy. The results aren’t half bad, if you can forgive the mystifying production design of the early battle scenes. This sequence has a bizarre Loony Toons feel, one that is underscored by the use of outside battlefield weapons by some of the soldiers, and cheap-looking computer animation. (I could not help but wonder if the director consciously intended to ape the style of the CGI in Stephen Chiao’s dark violent comedy Kung Fu Hustle here.) Here the process shots are unintentionally hilarious, at worst laughably bad. It took me three viewings to get beyond them. This kind of approach works in Stephen Chiao’s films because his comedies are essentially genre farces. However The Promise is meant to be taken straight.
Like Welcome to Dongmakgol, The Promise features an A-List cast. Hiroyuki Sanada (Twilight Samurai) plays Guang-Ming, the Master of the Crimson Armor, a ruthless, if sleazy warrior general. Cecilia Cheung (One Nite in Mongkok is Qing-Cheng a concubine and Princess who is so beautiful that she can bring an army to its’ collective knees. Dong-Kun Jang (Taegukgi: Brotherhood of War is the slave Kunlun, who runs (and sometimes flies) so fast, he can break the time barrier. Kunlun’s utterly guileless and as dopey as Forest Gump.
These three are ably supported by Ye Liu Purple Butterfly as the guilt ridden assassin Snow Wolf, Nicholes Tsu (Time & Tide) as an envious Wu-Haun, the Duke of the North and Guang-Ming’s greatest rival (whose ultimate motivations made we wonder if he was a parody of Yu Yi-Tae’s Wu-Jin in Oldboy) and Hong-Chen (Together) as the Goddess Hanshen, who offers Guang-Ming and Qing-Cheng glimpses of the future while exacting devils’ bargains from them the whole time.
Once the battle scene is over the special effects settle down (though for no lack of drama, action and beautiful costumes and sets) and the story turns out to be the stuff of epic children’s adventure stories (were it not for some brief and racey plot elements). There’s a fair amount of magic, intrigue, betrayal and adventure. There's even some time travel, and almost every shot is beautiful, if at times, silly-looking. The film is worth seeing as all-out no-holds-barred fantasy. Whether an audience finds The Promise entertaining or laughable depends on how willing the viewer is to forgive its’ excesses, and buy into the simple fantasy world on offer here. As an Oscar contender, I don’t think The Promise has a chance in hell: the film asks far, far too much from the audience.
Foriegn Film Watch: Award Season (Part II).
Hong Kong director Peter Chan, is best known in the West for his 1996 film, Comrades: Almost A Love Story a film with Leon Lai and the great Maggie Cheung, as a pair of immigrants, and eventually lovers, from the Mainland, whose lives in early 1990’s Hong Kong, and later, in the United States, criss-cross each other’s over a ten year period of time. The film swept “Best Film” awards across Asia, and made a respectable showing at the international film festivals. Then Chan left directing, seemingly for good, concentrating on producing the films of protégées under the aegis of his United Filmmakers Organization in Hong Kong, a company noted for high production standards and strong source materials. When I heard he was directing a new film, I had high hopes. Comrades remains my one of my favorite films of the Hong Kong new wave, and one of only two that aren’t art films or an action melodramas.
Chan’s Perhaps Love (2005), the academy award nominee from Hong Kong, is an ambitious production about an equally ambitious production, a Broadway style musical being shot in Beijing, essentially a film, within a film, within yet another film.
A Beijing-based filmmaker, (Jackie Cheung) assembles his cast, unknowingly reuniting his lover, business partner and lead actress (Zhou Xun, who is best known for her role in Balzac & the Little Chinese Seamtress) with a rising Hong Kong heartthrob and romantic lead (Takeshi Kaneshiro, last seen in House of Flying Daggers), who was a film student in Beijing, when Zhou, then an impoverished street kid, and struggling would-be actress, befriended, loved then left him for other men, men could advance her career. When the director has to step in to cover for an actor who backed out of the project at the last minute, “the stage is set” for a complex mixture of film business drama, musical production numbers which underscoring the characters emotions in the present, and flashbacks to Zhou and Kaneshiro’s characters’ shared past.
The film’s great strength is it’s realistic (if a bit clichéd) depiction of three people whose lives and loves are twisted by the cold-blooded competition that fuels the film industry, set against the backdrop of the colossal logistic undertaking that is the making of a big budget movie. These scenes make for solid, even riveting drama at times, particularly those scenes depicting Zhou’s and Kaneshiro’s actors salad days in a snow covered Bejing, and Cheung’s director’s struggle to reconcile his need to deliver a successful film with his fears he is losing Zhou’s affections in the present, set (and shot) so
Where the film falters are in some of it’s musical numbers, that underscore the feelings and emotions driving the characters, in the past and the present. These scenes vary in impact depending on who is doing the singing. Jackie Cheung, a long time singing star in Asia and an often under-rated actor (in part because he hasn’t made many films in his long career, preferring to focus on his music career) walks away with his production numbers, where the lyrics are set to music that recalls the great operatic solos in musicals like Les Miserables. Unfortunately the same can’t be said for Kaneshiro and Zhou, who don’t quite pass muster as Broadway-level performers.
That’s not to say there aren’t some really good musical numbers here, my favorite being Zhou Xun’s visit back to the harsh Beijing slum of her youth, where she faces an uncomfortable truth about the price of her ambition, amidst a chorus of singing and dancing whores in cheongsam dresses, a set piece whose style owes much to director-choreographer Bob Fosse’s (All That Jazz, Chicago) influential mix of striptease and dance.
Kaneshiro, who has made a pretty decent art film career of playing men caught up in their contradictions in films as varied as Flying Daggers and Chungking Express, is fine here. It takes a bit longer to warm up to Zhou Xun’s character, whose child like good looks belie her cold blooded, iron will to succeed at any price, but by films end, she’s utterly sympathetic. However understated his troubled, preoccupied director, Jackie Cheung is great from the start. He’s made few dramas in his film career (the best likely being July Rhapsody). I hope he makes more.
Korean actor Jee Jin-Hee (likely best known here as a detective in the Korean serial killer movie, H) is almost unnecessary as a kind of Phantom Stranger-type character, a figure who subtly pushes people towards emotional realizations they need to move on with their lives. He’s decent in the part, but given how little he does in the film, I was amazed his part wasn’t cut out of earlier drafts of the final shooting script.
I recommend Perhaps Love with some minor reservations, for the Chan’s interesting way of telling the story, inter-cutting between past, present and on-set production numbers. Also notable is his depiction of the hard life of young would-be actors and filmmakers in Beijing, his re-creation of life on sets, and the stories satisfying and surprising resolution, where everyone gets what they need, if not necessarily what they want. However I question how much English-speaking audiences enjoyment might be mitigated by the uneven quality of the musical numbers. (I do admit, that inadequate subtitles might have made it difficult to immerse myself in Kaneshiro and Zhou’s musical numbers. I simply don’t know enough Mandarin to be able to say for sure. In my opinion however, all this does is but more of the onus on Kaneshiro and Zhou to carry their musical numbers with the physical qualities of their performances. If Jacky Cheung pulled it off, in his relatively understated musical scenes, where he’s sitting most of the time, Chan should have pushed Kaneshiro and Zhou should have done more to step up to the challenge.)
A Recent Festival Favorite:
Shot in a style reminiscent of the work of American independent filmmaker and actor, John Cassavettes, Butterfly (Hong Kong, 2004) is unsparing look at one woman’s struggle to undo ten years of denial and “come out of the closet” as an openly gay woman. A 3o-year old married school teacher and mother, Flavia (Josie Ho) daily routines and family life are hopelessly upended when she notices twenty-something songwriter and musician Yip (Tian Yuen) quietly shoplifting a meal in a supermarket. Drawn to the Yip, Flavia begins a passionate affair with the younger woman.
As Flavia and Yip’s relationship develops, we learn that the younger Flavia (played by Isabel Chan in flashback) had been involved with a political activist named Jin when the two girls were in high school, a relationship that lasts into their college years. A key event for both woman is the 1989 the massacre of pro-democracy protesters in Tiannamen Square. The televised footage of the tanks rolling over victims galvanizes activists all over Asia, including Jin. Her increasing radicalism, and Flavia’s slavish loyalty to her emotionally weak mother eventually tears the girls apart. Jin disappears, and Flavia buries her feelings for women. She shortly marries the distracted, but well-meaning Ming (Eric Kot in a strong sympathetic performance) and gives birth to a daughter. Flavia’s affair with Yip, forces Flavia’s to face ten years of denial, with painful, but unavoidable consequences for all involved.
Though Jose Ho has very little dialogue in this film, nevertheless, the focus is squarely on her character's emotional state as she struggles to reconcile her re-emerging lesbian instincts with guilt over how her previous relationship ended, the needs of her husband, child and parents in the present. Like some of the finest Chinese actresses: Gong Li (in any of her early films with director Zhang Yimou), or Maggie Cheung (in Comrades, In the Mood for Love), Josie Ho manages to communicate the torrent of conflicting emotions raging within with the simplest of looks and gestures. Butterfly is a great showcase for her talents.
The film's one great flaw is it’s running time. 124 minutes may not seem overly long for a feature film, but the film could have shed up to 20 minutes without losing any impact (in fact, it might have had more. As it is, it feels like it meanders a bit). One obvious place to cut is the surfeit of flashbacks. Though they serve a necessary purpose in the narrative, there are far too many of them, forcing the viewer to maintain focused concentration to follow the storyline. Some struck me as utterly unnecessary. Regardless, it’s a great role for Josie Ho, and the filmmakers don’t cop out when showing the painful consequences of not living true to oneself. Not everyone emerges from the tale unscathed. Butterfly remains the best treatment of homosexual themes out of Hong Kong since Wong Kar-Wai’s Happy Together came out almost ten years ago, which likely accounts for the accolades the film received at seven Asian and European film festivals.
Love & Pathology: A Guaranteed Crowd-Pleaser
Funny, after two weekends of would-be Foreign Film Oscar contenders from Asia, the most entertaining film I watched this weekend had to be the 2004 French hit comedy Love Me if You Dare, a loving portrait of two young person's shared pathology. This is the way Bonnie & Clyde should’ve been. Highly recommended for those looking for sick laughs akin to Secretary.
Note: For Fan fans of Oldboy, the Tartan Extreme Region-1 DVD Edition of Director Chan-Wook Park's (Sympathy for) Lady Vengeance is due out May 5th.
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 02:00 PM
New York Comic-Con: Planning the Event
Jim Dandy brings you an interview with the New York Comic-Con’s Director, Greg Topalian.
New York Comic-Con: Marvel Panels
YMB's Mike Collins takes you inside NYCC's Marvel panels and lets you know what to expect in the coming months from the House of Ideas.
New York Comic-Con: Saturday Impressions
I've been to a few big cons before but I've never seen anything like this.
20-Odd Questions: COMIC BOOK CREATORS
This time we had creators ask fanboys 20-Odd Questions
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
by the YourMomsBasement staff
We're switching it around this time. Instead of our pool of fanboys asking the questions, they're answering the questions. At the recent New York Comic-Con, we asked 19 different comic book creators to give us 20-Odd Questions that they've always wanted to ask comic book fans. We then had our usual team of fanboys answer them...
1. Colleen Doran: What political cartoon would you be willing to draw that might cause you to be prosecuted for blasphemy?
I drew a very important political cartoon about the Iraq war comparing it to the ongoing conflict between DC and Marvel. As I am a die-hard Daredevil fan, Marvel were the American coalition forces and DC were the insurgents. It had Access trying to get Daredevil and Batman to stop fighting. Access says to Batman "I know you hate the freedom he represents, but can't we all get along?" And then Batman says "Die infidels!" And Batman had a turban. I posted it online and it got the most hits my blog ever got. And two of my friends linked to it. But none of them were muslim. I'd give a link now, but my mom made me shut down my blog.
2. Andy Lanning: Who's the strongest, Thing or the Hulk?
The Thing has the strongest morals, and that is why I want him to be the godfather of my children.
If you're referring to physical strength, it depends on which Hulk and which Thing we're talking about. While, in general, it's safe to say that "Hulk is strongest one there is," there are times that the Thing has been physically stronger than the Hulk. Back when The Thing was in his spiky incarnation and the Hulk was in his Mr. Fixit incarnation, Dr. Doom, (at that time deposed by his own child-clone Kristoff and actually a Doom-bot unbeknownst to himself) set the Hulk up against the Thing. The result? While eventually the Hulk would get angry enough (and thus strong enough) to best spiky Thing, that version of the Thing started out at such a strength advantage that the fight would be over before then.
But strength is not necessarily enough to determine who would win a fight between the two. When the Hulk is in "brute" mode, the Thing has the advantage of not only his intellect, but that of Reed Richard's at his disposal.
Frankly, you should know this already.
3. Jim Starlin: Where do you come up with these questions?
When I formulate a question to ask a comic book creator, it comes from one of two places.
The first is a place of concern for a character. Is the creator going to screw something up about a character that I like? Does he realize that he might be about to screw something up about a character that I like? If I mention to him, in the form of a question, can I prevent him from screwing something up about a character that I like?
The second is a need to know what is going to happen. I desperately need to know what's going to happen next, if I ask the right question, will the creator tell me? If I ask him again, will he tell me this time? What about this time? If I email him once or twice or post repeated comments on his blog will he just tell me already?
4. Steve McNiven: How can I get you to buy more of my books?
I enjoy character driven story arcs that respect continuity but are not slaves to it. So I would recommend getting on a book with a writer, like John Byrne, who has a great respect for the past but knows how to create exciting stories for tomorrow.
Also a team book starring Emma Frost, Ms. Marvel, and Shanna the She-Devil would be pretty cool.
5. David Mack: Where do you get your ideas?
I don't have any. If I did, I'd be making comics with you guys. I did write a Rogue fanfic once where she made out with Dazzler. I'm not sure where the idea for that came from.
6. Steven Sadowski: On the first Thursday of October in 2nd grade, what lunchbox did you have and what was in your lunchbox?
I had a Dukes of Hazzard lunchbox. I remember it well, as it was the envy of the older kids. I once fended off an attack by the big kids (6th graders) by swinging it wildly in the playground. For lunch it would have been PB&J, and carrot sticks for snack. The carrot sticks were there because my folks were too cheap to spring for the Fruit Roll-ups, which is why they're going in the cheap nursing home when the time comes. What's 'good for me now,' mother?! WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME NOW?!
7. Dale Eaglesham: How do you get your mullets to stay so... poofy?
People are going to tell you that you need to wash your hair everyday. I'm telling you now the secret is to not. Give your hair time to breathe.
8. Kevin Maguire: What was the question again?
The question, Mr. Maguire, was "why did you let them kill Blue Beetle?!"
WHY?!
WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
9. Ian Churchill: If the internet didn't exist, would you be so harsh in your criticism?
Of course not. Without a public forum to air our grievances we'd only be able to bitch to our cats. And they're not too concerned with the fate of Ted Kord, the one, true Blue Beetle.
10. Mike Oeming: If you had the possibility of getting a date, but your mom wanted you to clean the basement, what sided die would you have to roll to get out of cleaning?
In this d20 world we live in now, there is only one die...the d20. However, there are many possibilities on how to escape from cleaning the basement. First would be a Bluff roll, opposed by her Sense Motive roll. Second would be a Diplomacy roll against a DC of 20. Third would be a combination of Hide in Shadows and Move Silently, to try and sneak out. If she is within 10 feet of you, she can oppose your roll with a Spot or Listen check. Lastly, there's the ever-popular Sneak Attack against her base AC of 10, unless she's wearing armor.
11. Carlos D'Anda: Stop asking me to draw tentacle porn.
I beg your pardon Mr. D'Anda, but if I'm going to wait in line for a drawing for a half an hour, it's only fair I get the drawing I asked for.
12. Ale Garza: Does your mom still think you're handsome?
Yes, and it's really creeping me out.
13. Rags Morales: Why are guy fans so much uglier than girl fans?
According to my mom and Ale Garza, we're not, Mr. "Tiny Footprints on her Brain."
14. Jim Calafiore: Do you really care THAT much?
Some things are worth caring about, Mr. Calafiore. I know this, you know this. I'll never understand the people outside of the comic book hobby who just can't find it in themselves to care about something outside themselves. Caring about something other than ourselves is what separates us from the animals. Me, I care about the rightful Green Lantern regaining the mantle. I care about Spider-Man's transformation and evolution. I care that Batman was mind-wiped by people he considered friends. Caring for others, like poor, poor Speedball, is what makes us human.
15. Mark Texeira: Why aren't there more female fans?
I had this girlfriend once. Out of state. You wouldn't know her. I tried to get her into comics. Tried everything. Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose. Dawn. Lady Death. You name it. Even Bondage Fairies. I think she reads manga now or something.
16. Fabian Nicieza: Sit-ups: Unlikely or impossible?
Can I do as many sit-ups as I could back when I was in high school? No.
But, did I own a CGC graded 9.4 copy of Amazing Spider-Man #300 back in high school? No.
I know which one I'd rather have, thank you very much.
And I could never do chin-ups.
17. Phil Jimenez: When you go up to a creator at the end of a day, can you explain the logical disconnect between expressing pity for how tired he looks and then dropping a stack of books and a sketch of Mary Jane in a thong to be signed?
You have to understand Mr. Jimenez, that we're tired, too, at that point. We've been standing in lines, sitting in panels, eating those hot pretzels they have at these conventions. All day. We're commiserating with you, not offering you our condolences. This day is something we've all done together! It's like we're saying: "You're tired, we're tired, let's say you sign these twenty comics of mine and then we'll call it a day! And where did you find a Hot Pocket? Are they selling those inside the convention somewhere?"
18. Tony Bedard: How do you pick up a Klingon chick?
qaparHáqu'!
tIqwIj Sa'angnIS!
bIyem'a'?!
19. Also Tony Bedard: But... how do you make her keep the make up on, y'know, during?
I don't follow...
During what?
20. Frank Cho: Have any of you whacked off to any of my pictures?
How I achieve sexual satisfaction is really no concern of yours, Mr. Cho. Though you are rather dreamy...
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Read 20-Odd Questions: PLANET HULK
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 09:00 AM
SERAPHAMIN
