by the YourMomsBasement staff

We're switching it around this time. Instead of our pool of fanboys asking the questions, they're answering the questions. At the recent New York Comic-Con, we asked 19 different comic book creators to give us 20-Odd Questions that they've always wanted to ask comic book fans. We then had our usual team of fanboys answer them...

1. Colleen Doran: What political cartoon would you be willing to draw that might cause you to be prosecuted for blasphemy?
I drew a very important political cartoon about the Iraq war comparing it to the ongoing conflict between DC and Marvel. As I am a die-hard Daredevil fan, Marvel were the American coalition forces and DC were the insurgents. It had Access trying to get Daredevil and Batman to stop fighting. Access says to Batman "I know you hate the freedom he represents, but can't we all get along?" And then Batman says "Die infidels!" And Batman had a turban. I posted it online and it got the most hits my blog ever got. And two of my friends linked to it. But none of them were muslim. I'd give a link now, but my mom made me shut down my blog.

2. Andy Lanning: Who's the strongest, Thing or the Hulk?
The Thing has the strongest morals, and that is why I want him to be the godfather of my children.

If you're referring to physical strength, it depends on which Hulk and which Thing we're talking about. While, in general, it's safe to say that "Hulk is strongest one there is," there are times that the Thing has been physically stronger than the Hulk. Back when The Thing was in his spiky incarnation and the Hulk was in his Mr. Fixit incarnation, Dr. Doom, (at that time deposed by his own child-clone Kristoff and actually a Doom-bot unbeknownst to himself) set the Hulk up against the Thing. The result? While eventually the Hulk would get angry enough (and thus strong enough) to best spiky Thing, that version of the Thing started out at such a strength advantage that the fight would be over before then.

But strength is not necessarily enough to determine who would win a fight between the two. When the Hulk is in "brute" mode, the Thing has the advantage of not only his intellect, but that of Reed Richard's at his disposal.

Frankly, you should know this already.

3. Jim Starlin: Where do you come up with these questions?
When I formulate a question to ask a comic book creator, it comes from one of two places.

The first is a place of concern for a character. Is the creator going to screw something up about a character that I like? Does he realize that he might be about to screw something up about a character that I like? If I mention to him, in the form of a question, can I prevent him from screwing something up about a character that I like?

The second is a need to know what is going to happen. I desperately need to know what's going to happen next, if I ask the right question, will the creator tell me? If I ask him again, will he tell me this time? What about this time? If I email him once or twice or post repeated comments on his blog will he just tell me already?

4. Steve McNiven: How can I get you to buy more of my books?
I enjoy character driven story arcs that respect continuity but are not slaves to it. So I would recommend getting on a book with a writer, like John Byrne, who has a great respect for the past but knows how to create exciting stories for tomorrow.

Also a team book starring Emma Frost, Ms. Marvel, and Shanna the She-Devil would be pretty cool.

5. David Mack: Where do you get your ideas?
I don't have any. If I did, I'd be making comics with you guys. I did write a Rogue fanfic once where she made out with Dazzler. I'm not sure where the idea for that came from.

6. Steven Sadowski: On the first Thursday of October in 2nd grade, what lunchbox did you have and what was in your lunchbox?
I had a Dukes of Hazzard lunchbox. I remember it well, as it was the envy of the older kids. I once fended off an attack by the big kids (6th graders) by swinging it wildly in the playground. For lunch it would have been PB&J, and carrot sticks for snack. The carrot sticks were there because my folks were too cheap to spring for the Fruit Roll-ups, which is why they're going in the cheap nursing home when the time comes. What's 'good for me now,' mother?! WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME NOW?!

7. Dale Eaglesham: How do you get your mullets to stay so... poofy?
People are going to tell you that you need to wash your hair everyday. I'm telling you now the secret is to not. Give your hair time to breathe.

8. Kevin Maguire: What was the question again?
The question, Mr. Maguire, was "why did you let them kill Blue Beetle?!"

WHY?!

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

9. Ian Churchill: If the internet didn't exist, would you be so harsh in your criticism?
Of course not. Without a public forum to air our grievances we'd only be able to bitch to our cats. And they're not too concerned with the fate of Ted Kord, the one, true Blue Beetle.

10. Mike Oeming: If you had the possibility of getting a date, but your mom wanted you to clean the basement, what sided die would you have to roll to get out of cleaning?
In this d20 world we live in now, there is only one die...the d20. However, there are many possibilities on how to escape from cleaning the basement. First would be a Bluff roll, opposed by her Sense Motive roll. Second would be a Diplomacy roll against a DC of 20. Third would be a combination of Hide in Shadows and Move Silently, to try and sneak out. If she is within 10 feet of you, she can oppose your roll with a Spot or Listen check. Lastly, there's the ever-popular Sneak Attack against her base AC of 10, unless she's wearing armor.

11. Carlos D'Anda: Stop asking me to draw tentacle porn.
I beg your pardon Mr. D'Anda, but if I'm going to wait in line for a drawing for a half an hour, it's only fair I get the drawing I asked for.

12. Ale Garza: Does your mom still think you're handsome?
Yes, and it's really creeping me out.

13. Rags Morales: Why are guy fans so much uglier than girl fans?
According to my mom and Ale Garza, we're not, Mr. "Tiny Footprints on her Brain."

14. Jim Calafiore: Do you really care THAT much?
Some things are worth caring about, Mr. Calafiore. I know this, you know this. I'll never understand the people outside of the comic book hobby who just can't find it in themselves to care about something outside themselves. Caring about something other than ourselves is what separates us from the animals. Me, I care about the rightful Green Lantern regaining the mantle. I care about Spider-Man's transformation and evolution. I care that Batman was mind-wiped by people he considered friends. Caring for others, like poor, poor Speedball, is what makes us human.

15. Mark Texeira: Why aren't there more female fans?
I had this girlfriend once. Out of state. You wouldn't know her. I tried to get her into comics. Tried everything. Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose. Dawn. Lady Death. You name it. Even Bondage Fairies. I think she reads manga now or something.

16. Fabian Nicieza: Sit-ups: Unlikely or impossible?
Can I do as many sit-ups as I could back when I was in high school? No.

But, did I own a CGC graded 9.4 copy of Amazing Spider-Man #300 back in high school? No.

I know which one I'd rather have, thank you very much.

And I could never do chin-ups.

17. Phil Jimenez: When you go up to a creator at the end of a day, can you explain the logical disconnect between expressing pity for how tired he looks and then dropping a stack of books and a sketch of Mary Jane in a thong to be signed?
You have to understand Mr. Jimenez, that we're tired, too, at that point. We've been standing in lines, sitting in panels, eating those hot pretzels they have at these conventions. All day. We're commiserating with you, not offering you our condolences. This day is something we've all done together! It's like we're saying: "You're tired, we're tired, let's say you sign these twenty comics of mine and then we'll call it a day! And where did you find a Hot Pocket? Are they selling those inside the convention somewhere?"

18. Tony Bedard: How do you pick up a Klingon chick?
qaparHáqu'!

tIqwIj Sa'angnIS!

bIyem'a'?!

19. Also Tony Bedard: But... how do you make her keep the make up on, y'know, during?
I don't follow...

During what?

20. Frank Cho: Have any of you whacked off to any of my pictures?
How I achieve sexual satisfaction is really no concern of yours, Mr. Cho. Though you are rather dreamy...

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Read 20-Odd Questions: PLANET HULK