by Mr. Bird Brain

President George W. Bush decided in this year's SQUAAAAAAAAAKtate of the Union speech to attack a vibrant and productive portion of Earth's community: human-animal hybrids. Now, I'm pretty sure most of you realize this, but for the benefit of the visually impaired members of our audience who so bravely decided to come out and support our cAWmmunity, I am one such human-animal hybrid.

The fact that I even need to come out and state that human-animal hybrids, or people with enhanced non-human abilities, as we prefer to be called, can be functioning members of society is shameful. Are race relations in the United States so bad that a sitting PAWKPAWKPAWresident can come out and condemn an entire segment of society in the biggest speech of the year?

What makes people with enhanced non-human abilities the target of such vile attacks by a certain small, but extremely vocal minority in our cAWntry? Are we threatening the moral fabric of our great nation? Are we, by our very existence, a threat to America's sQUAAAAAAAAWvereign identity? Personally, I think we are singled out for a much more base reason: our appearance. Like so many of the great civil rights battles in the course of human history, we are singled out because we look different. And because some people find a half-man half-bird "icky."

Some 20 years ago, I was discovered by a group of kind-hearted youngsters, created and ensQUAAAWlaved by a flawed visionary, sequestered on a far-off island. These children found me, cared for me, taught me. And they eventually helped me in the fight for the freedom of my brothers and sisters on that very same island. I was then faced with a difficult decision: Do I cAWCAWCAWCAWntinue my education and assimilation with my newfound friends, or do I remain with my brethren on the island? In my mind, I knew where my calling lay, but I longed for the normalcy of a boarding school, for a simple life of homework and crushes on blonde demon girls with the ability to open portals to alternate dimensions. But in the end, I chose to follow the call of destiny, to remain, to educate, to lead.

I return now, older, wiser, with a less obtrusive sQUAAAAAAKpeech impediment, but with a focus and clarity of purpose that was missing on that distant island. I return to lead the fight for equal treatment for my people. Today, I am announcing the creation of the American Association of Human Animal Hybrids After Humble Adequation, or AAHAHAHA. AAHAHAHA will be fighting for equal treatment, equal rights for people with enhanced non-human abilities. And we will be joining the fight against discrimination of people with different appearances. We proudly stand beside the National Mutant Bias Liberation Authority, People Registering Indignance at Selective Segregation, and Bird Man, and will lend our significant cultural weight to our shared agenda.

And while some of these groups may suffer from an "image problem" (pause for sarcastic chuckle), I am no less pAWKPAWKroud of the work they do, no less proud to add the single voice of our millions of people with enhanced non-human abilities to their call for equal rights. Thank you, and keep fighting the good fight.

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