by Ryan Higgins and the Your Mom's Basement staff

Ghost Rider's back! (Finally!) Power Girl's getting an origin! (Finally!) But, wait a minute... are these stories actually any good? Do they even make any sense? There was only one way to find out! We had a group of diaper-wearing fanboys ask Fan Favorite Retailer Ryan Higgins 20-Odd Questions about Ghost Rider #1 and JSA: Classified #2.

Ghost Rider #1:

1. Where do they sell those pants at?
Finer superhero clothing boutiques everywhere.

2. Do they pretend the Devin Grayson series never happened? Because really, everyone else does.
You know, I’m not sure, since I could only get one issue into that horrible, horrible series. Seriously, what was Marvel thinking with that book?

Ghost Rider #1 starts with Ghost Rider trying to escape hell, but he’s captured and destroyed. And then it all starts over again. Every night he tried to escape the demons, but fails. This is how he suffers, fulfilling his part of the bargain he made with the Devil a long time ago.

The angel Daniel tells his brother Malachi that they need Ghost Rider. Why, we’re not sure, but I’ll bet you has something to do with the southern hick demon that makes a biker stick his head up his own ass. It should be good and bloody. Garth Ennis never disappoints and Clayton Crain’s art is simply amazing.

3. Who's Ghost Rider? Johnny Blaze or that Danny Ketch guy?
Johnny Blaze, baby! That’s right, old school! Woot!

4. Remember when Danny Ketch had to touch the gas cap of his motorcycle to turn into Ghost Rider? That was awesome.
I, uh…what? No, I don’t remember that at all.

5. Whatever happened to Danny Ketch?
His series was canceled, no shit, in the middle of a story arc. Kind of a bummer, too, as those last few issues of Ghost Rider weren’t half bad. Danny died in issue #93 of Ghost Rider, the last issue, but came back randomly in future Marvel Comics, before finally disappearing into the void.

I’m sure Brian Michael Bendis will bring him back in New Avengers and he’ll get his own series next year.

6. Can the new Ghost Rider ride up walls? Like a ghost?
I, uh…what?

7. Do any of the other 'Midnight Sons' get a mention in the Ghost rider relaunch?
No, I’m pretty sure that entire section of Marvel is gone. Damn you, Darkhold! You were too beautiful for this world!

8. Does Ghost Rider have a sister, because those cheek bones on a woman would make her hot!
Yeah, that’s what the comic book world needs, is a female Ghost Rider. Hey, can she have claws, too? How about be green and get really strong? Or, I know, she could be his cousin, trapped in a meteor of Kryptonite!

9. Hey! Angels! I see angels. Angels are never a good sign. Do Remiel and Duma show up? Are the angels in the Ghost Rider relaunch the same ones from the Punisher relaunch?
No, but wouldn’t that be great? Garth Ennis using the same characters he writes off in one panel in Punisher as the main characters in another book?

Ennis sure liked angels and demons, doesn’t he? Hellblazer, Preacher, Demon, Hitman, they all had angels and demons. The difference between his angels and most people’s angels, however, is that his swear and have sex. Man, Garth Ennis’ angels rock!

10. When did Ghost Rider "Jump the Shark"?
Around the same time he appeared in 27 monthly Marvel books, the occasional Malibu crossover, and his own late-night talk show, “The Burning Answers, with Ghost Rider,” although I think it was his third appearance on SNL that he really “Jumped the Shark.”

That tank was just big for even him…

Conclusion: Buy Ghost Rider #1 if you like Garth Ennis, guys with flaming heads, and kick-splode art.

JSA: Classified #2

11. Will this tie-in at all with the re-launch of Supergirl?
C’mon, this is a mainstream DCU book featuring a character that’s on the cover of Infinite Crisis. OF COURSE it’s going to tie-in with Supergirl. It ties in with Birds of Prey, OMAC Project, Powerpuff Girls, House of M, Invincible, Owly and Love & Rockets. You don’t have to watch Fargo before reading this comic, but if you do it will really expand on the story, although it is continuing directly into next weeks new episode of Lost.

12. The Legion? Just how much more complicated does the story get once they show up?
Not very, as it’s revealed that Power Girl is actually a LoSH member named Andromeda from the future. She was sent back in time to help the JSA defeat Mordru, but something happened to her memory…

13. Is this pre-Mark Waid Leigion or is this just another hoax perpetrated by the White Man?
Not only is this pre-mark Waid Legion, this is pre-Crisis Legion. That’s probably why they’re hanging out with Psycho Pirate at the end, right? I mean, he’s not up to anything earth-shattering or continuity-altering, is he? And, I mean, it’s not like there’s something called “Crisis” something-or-other coming up soon, right?

That’s right, a nice, clean, fresh new origin for Power Girl!

14. What do you think are the meta-textual liminal readings of the male gaze as they pertain to Power Girl? Is her shorter hair a direct confrontation of western stereotypes of femininity?
My MS Word doesn’t seem to understand the word “liminal”, so I’m going to replace it with “lamina,” a thin plate, sheet, or layer.

So, you’re asking what the thin plate, sheet, or layer readings of the male gaze as they pertain to Power Girl? What kinda stupid question is that! Go on and make up some other words, why don’t you!

15. They're ignoring the whole "descendant of Arion" thing, right? Because that was LAME.
Yes, that is being shoved under the carpet, as 2005 will go down as the year that retconned the 80s and everything that happened within them. Poor Duran Duran, we’ll miss you!

16. How far away are we from getting some resolution to this friggin' origin? Are we close?
Well, since there’s only one issue left, I’m assuming we’re 2/3 into the story. As this is issue #2. Of a three part story. Something about…the Crime Syndicate in the next issue?

17. Does Power Girl's old cat from the JLE days show up in this?

18. What about Power Girl's son, from the last pre-Morrison JLA incarnation? They ever get back into that malarkey?
Ummmmmm…no. No, no no no no no. No, they really didn’t, no.

No.

19. Boobies?
Power Girl’s Breasts, A Retrospective.
By Ryan Higgins

Power Girl first appeared on the scene in All-Star Comics #58 in January of 1976, continuing where the old All-Star Comics left off, with #57, back in 1951. This continuation of the original All-Star Comics brought back the popular JSA members that appeared often in the Justice League title into their own book, as well as introducing new members like Power Girl, Star-Spangled Kid, and Robin from Earth-2. Here, we see Power Girl’s breasts are quite large, bigger than most super heroines of the time. Was this by accident, or did creators Gerry Conway and Ric Estrada purposely create the world’s first super hero whose entire history would be overshadowed by her…physical attributes? I think this one is lost to the sands of time.

As Power Girl continued to appear in various Justice League and All-Star Squadron comics, more and more people began to comment on her breasts. By the time Crisis on Infinite Earths was over and Karen Starr was a member of the Justice League again, they became one of the time’s longest running in-jokes, next to “Bwa-hah-hah” and the pies-in-the-face from Suicide Squad.

Over the past few years, we’ve seen a Power Girl upswing that hasn’t been matched before. From continued appearances in JSA, her pivotal role in Superman/Batman, and her cover appearance of the upcoming Infinite Crisis #2, Power Girl is on everyone’s mind, and most are thinking about her chest.

…although I wouldn’t get too worked up over her or them, because more than likely she’ll be the first causality of Infinite Crisis since DC seems to do a good job of making people remember older, obscure characters and then killing them off horribly.

20. Do we get to see the Tron guy show up? Is he the father of Karen Starr?
I’m just wondering, how long have you guys been trying to get the Tron Guy into this column? Quite a while, I bet.

Ok, sure, the Tron Guy is Karen Starr’s father! One magical night, he was surfing the net when he came across www.tronlovers.com, a website for all people who love Tron. I mean, *really* love Tron. There he met a woman, and they talked all night about their love for Tron. Tron-this, Tron-that, Tron ‘till the cows came home! 9 Tron-filled months later, they had a baby together. Hoping it was a boy, they planned to name it after their favorite character, Crom. Alas, it was a girl, and they settled on the name Karen, as it kinda sounded like Crom. Or something.

Conclusion: Buy JSA: Classified #2 if you're a huge DC whore like me.



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