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Wizard World Phillycon East
by Gary Walters
There's a belief amongst those that are trying to break into the comic book industry that editors, particularly at the big two (DC Comics, makers of Batman Begins, and MArvel) will not read unsolicited scripts. Let me dispell that myth right now. Of course they read scripts submitted to them. They'd be stupid not to.
If you can get your script to them, and get them to read it, your set. You might start off writing a minor character or doing a fill-in issue or something, maybe something like Fantastic Four or Captain America but once you prove yourself, you'll move onto the important books, like Uncanny X-Men.
Just look at writers like Mark Miller and Brian Michael Bendis. They sent their scripts around to the big companies and now they're writing all of the most important comics being published today. And if it could happen to them, it could happen to me.
It is with that determination that I made my way to this year's Wizard World Phillycon 2005. Determined to get my script into the right hands so I could land my dream job, writing for one of the big comic companies. Now, I haven't been in the industry long, only a few months now. But I know one thing, that I am a born comic creator. I just needed an "in."
And I got one.
The first thing that happened on Saturday was that I ran into my personal comic writing hero (aside from John Byrne, Chuck Dixon, Neil Gaiman, Garth Ennis, Will Eisner, Bob Harras, Tom DeFalco, Christopher Priest, Mark Waid, and Kurt Busiek)... Chris Claremont. I didn't even know he was going to be there. It was awesome. He was so humble. I praised him for all of the great X-Men stories he'd written over the years and do you know what he said?
"It wasn't me."
How humble is that? How giving is that to the artists and inkers and editors he's worked with? Fantastic human being and a great American. Trust me, Chris, it was you. All you. And John Byrne.
I chatted with him for a few more seconds and then offered him a copy of my script to him. He said he couldn't take it, but we were amongst a mob of comic geeks at that moment and I'm sure he just didn't want to get deluged with scripts from a bunch of wanna-bees. So I put my script back in my backpack and hoped for another opportunity to get my script to Chris.
I spent the next little bit on the con floor taking in all the excitement. It was nuts! Tons of people and tons of stuff! There seemed to be more toys and t-shirts than there were comicbooks. Which was weird, but, whatever, you know? I tried to finish my run of X-Men: The Hidden Years, but no one seemed to have the issue I needed. Which sucked.
Everyone had 50s comics and stuff. Who buys western comics and crap like that? Sorry people, the market has changed and matured. We want well-told superhero stories, not western comics or crime comics or whatever lame comics my dad read.
Yeesh.
So, after walking through artist alley and meeting some really nice artists (there was even a guy selling a Mike Mignola sketchbook, which was pretty cool). I decided to get in the line to meet Chris Claremont and hopefully get me script to him.
So I get up in line... get ready to hand him my script. It's just me and him. I'm looking at him, he's looking at me. He looks down...
And I meant to say "Here's my script." Or "Would you please take a look at my script?" Or, "Here's a script you should check out. It's awesome."
But what came out...
What I said was... "Will Gambit guest-star in "Cable and Deadpool" anytime soon?"
He looked at me.
And said "I don't know."
And added. "I don't write that book."
And I said "I know I was just wondering and thought maybe you heard something about it at one of those Marvel retreat things that I heard that you all go to and suggest ideas and talk about stuff and I just thought the dynamic of Gambit would play off Cable and Deadpool real well and they'd interact in an interesting way and thought maybe you over heard something or someone saying something. "
"No. Sorry."
And that was that. I forgot to even give him my script. But that's okay. I got to meet my hero Chris Claremont. And I networked. A lot. Met cool artists in "The Artist Alley". Made some good connections for my future publishing ventures. And Chris Claremont might not have read my script, but I showed it to this one lady and she said it looked "pretty okay."
Read Volume 1, Issue 2 of The Tricks of Turning Pro.
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 09:30 AM
Here's one thing that isn't a spoiler: I was rooting for the zombies. Hell, I always do when it comes to zombie movies. I do have some sympathy for the main characters, the human 'heroes' in these films. But are they really heroes? Or just poor bastards trying to survive as their world collapses around them? Who cares? Go team zombie! George Romero brings the gore in this, his follow up to his trilogy of some 20 years ago.
Backstreet's back!
In this one, the zombies are the heroes. Its pretty far along in the timeline of the Dead movies. The country is in ruins, and as one character describes it there's a thousand zombies for every living human left. What humans remain have cobbled together a semblance of normality, living in a city protected by a private army, surrounded by barricaded bridges, electric fences, and three rivers. It's the biggest gated community ever. So they're safe in their little paradise, which looks a lot more like an upscale mall. Shades of the original (and remade) Dawn of the Dead, there. it's all run by Kaufman (Dennis Hopper) who maintains his stranglehold on the people of the city...well, I'm not sure how actually. Read on for my questions.
The mercenaries have a number of motocycles, souped-up jeeps and mustangs, and of course: the Dead Reckoning. Dead Reckoning is a bigass converted semi, covered in armor and loaded with missle launchers and gatling guns. it's pretty damned cool, a lot more impressive than the converted shuttle buses from the remade Dawn of the Dead that zombie fans may remember. The scenes where the Dead Reckoning runs amuck are some of the better ones in the movie.
The mercs are led by Riley (Simon Baker) who turns in a particularly vanilla performance. He's the mercenary with the 'heart of gold' who's looking to pull his 'one last job' before he skips town for Canada, because there won't be any zombies up in Canada. Riiiight. Well, there's actually some good thinking there as less people=less zombies. Anyway I like him as he's the one of the only humans with common sense in the movie.
Unlike Cholo, John Leguiamo's character. Another merc, he drives the story along by driving Dead Reckoning off and threatening to shoot up the city with it unless he's paid several million dollars by Kaufman. He actually fails to irritate me in this one, which is impressive considering it's John Leguizamo. Okay, he calls everyone 'baby' which is a little grating, but otherwise I'm all right with him; except for his motivation.
Now, I had some minor problems with some of the plot elements here. The main characters are a pack of mercenaries who go out into the ruins of America to loot whatever stores have canned food, medicine, or whatever else they can find. He pays them for this, as well as for other services. Cholo there, he tries to blackmail Kaufman...for money. Apparently in this shattered America, people still use paper money as currency...huh? There is no government, so how is paper money still worth anything? Not like you can pay off a zombie to keep it from eating your face. I'd think that having a couple of pistols would be worth a lot more in the grand scheme of things. Or the Dead Reckoning itself.
Pabst Blue Ribbon!
But somehow Kaufman has managed to pay off a number of soldiers, guards, mercenaries, and even a frigging butler with his useless money. I don't see how these people would go for that...I'd think that having a gun or two would be worth a hell of a lot more than having a bank vault full of benjamins. But hey, maybe it's just a way that people cope here, ya know? If they can still work to earn money for their goods and services, they can cling to the past society that has been erased by the hordes of zombies. It's an odd coping thing I guess.
And for that matter, where are they getting all the ammunition for their many, many guns? I can accept the idea that they looted a number of abandoned army bases or whatever, but still. If the dead have taken over America for the past 20 years or so, how the hell are they replenishing their supplies of bullets? I'm willing to bet that the Remington plant has been out of business since day one of the zombie nightmare. And where are they getting all of their cigarettes? Or how is it that there are still towns in their immediate vicinity to loot? You'd think that they'd have to go pretty far out to hunt down fresh supplies at this point. Funny, Dennis Hopper was in Waterworld, yet another movie with a bunch of hardasses who have an unexplained supply of cigarettes.
But I digress. Waterworld sucked. Land of the Dead did not. These are minor quibbles, things that I am more than willing to suspend disbelief for in order to enjoy the flick. Moving on!
In this one, the zombies are smarter. Wicked smaaaht. Mainly, the bulky and oddly emotional Big Daddy (Eugene Clark). Big Daddy (a former gas station attendant-said vocation comes into play in hilarious fashion at the end) seems to be the most with it of the zombies, as he has a sense of self-preservation and revenge. He's a great motivational speaker too. Well, for a zombie. He grunts and growls until he's assembled a legion of pissed-off zombies, all looking for the big payback...oh yeah, the zombies have gotten smarter and they all took a page from Bub (the zombie hero from Day of the Dead) in that they can all use tools. Shovel, baseball bat, meat cleaver, pneumatic hammer, machine guns, machete...yeah. They throw down. They've evolved from their prior motif, that being 'wander aimlessly, eat the living.' They're more goal-oriented now.
Alas, poor Yorick.
But the actual zombies, theres a lot more care in these guys. In previous movies, there's not as much individuality shown in the zombies. You might get one female zombie in a wedding dress (we get one here too!) or a dead cop, or in Dawn the hilarious Hare Krishna zombie: but on the whole they're all the same model of undead: painted blue-green and shuffling aimlessly. Well, they're still shuffling aimlessly, but there's a lot more detail in these guys. The FX guys took care to really show the decay and wounds in this one, it's grotesque and a nice touch. We get the aforementioned ones, we also get a scary Little Kid Who Died at Prep School zombie, the Hipster Couple zombies, Old Lady Who Died at the Hairdresser's zombie, and the best of the lot: The Scary Undead Clown zombie. That guy comes in out of nowhere: scared the shit out of me. The only one who didn't really work for me was the Almost Severed Head Priest zombie. when you see him, you'll understand.
Also: cameos! Simon Pegg and Ed Wright (creators behind Shaun of the Dead) both show up as the undead, in a fucked up photo booth. I fail to see the intelligence behind setting up an undead photo booth. But better than seeing those guys, we get Tom Savini. It's like a reprise of his role in the original Dawn: same leather jacket, same mustache, same...machete. Which he's still good at using! He was great. Great to see ya Tom!
Sex Machine!
And the gore. The gore! If you have a weak stomach, stay away. For real. There's a ton of death in this one, both humans and zombie-style. Compared to the other ones, I'd say it outdoes Dawn. Yes, it's gorier than the original Dawn of the Dead. Flesh is torn, savaged, devoured; there's decapitations and head shots, heads speared, heads speared with crossbow bolts, heads kicked open and crushed and broken apart with a flagpole...yeah. It is hardcore. There's a scene where a horde of zombies chows down on a horde of yuppies, and it is amazing as far as zombie movies go. There's like 30-40 zombies all onscreen, all going to town on many, many victims.
...I feel like I learned something here. Well, not really. Screw learning! It's a zombie movie. And it's a great zombie movie. If you're a hardcore fan, you will not be let down. You may have some minor quibbles like I did, but if you've been waiting 20 years for the next Romero movie: you will not be let down.
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 11:00 AM
By Ben Heller
We are serious artists
I went to high school with a guy who liked to play guitar and sing acoustic versions of early 90’s hits at school sponsored concerts. He wasn’t a “guitar player,” nor was he a “singer,” he simply liked to do both and wasn’t particularly good at either. And I bring this up for two reasons. Reason number one is that knowing his musical taste, I wouldn’t be surprised if he is one of the (gasp, quite possibly) one million people who’ll purchase Coldplay’s much-hyped X&Y this week. Reason number two is that I bet there are a few hundred British people my age who remember Coldplay’s Chris Martin as the guy who used to play crap versions of “Creep” and “Under the Bridge” in their school cafeteria.
Luuuuuuuuurve.
And while this is (sort of) a swipe at Mr. Paltrow’s level of creativity and talent, in no way does this mean that Coldplay’s everyman-makes-good success is a complete accident. Bands just don’t reach Coldplay levels of success by accident – well, except for Matchbox 20. In fact, the thought of Chris Martin singing an irony-free, tone-deaf acoustic version of “Today” in front of his library steps is precisely what makes this band so ridiculously popular in the first place. Coldplay’s trademark blend of watered down, piano-based U2-style epics is almost comically non-threatening. In a time of Limp Bizkits, Coldplay gave us “rock” suitable for the whole family. Their entire catalogue is catchy enough that dudes enjoy it, and emotionally uplifting enough that chicks dig it even more. In other words, Coldplay will be closing proms and mixtapes until little Apple Martin has an undeserved Oscar of her own.
But it didn’t have to be this way.
After all, bands who become Coldplay popular after two albums have two choices. Choice number one is to play it safe, which X&Y does to a snooze-inducing fault. Choice number two is to take all the success and adulation and knock people in the crotch with a take-it-or-leave-it record of full of ambition and creativity. It worked for Pearl Jam. It worked for Smashing Pumpkins. It didn’t work for Oasis, but hey, at least they tried. And most importantly, it worked for Radiohead – the band whose career trajectory Coldplay has (until now) followed to a T, right down to Chris Martin’s jerky stage spasms at the piano and his insistence on letting you know how he feels about fair trade.
At first both Radiohead and Coldplay were made up of British University kids who put out spotty, successful first albums with a soft-verse, loud-chorus hit single. And while each band was successful off the bat, you didn’t get the feeling that either of them would come back with a second album worth much of a damn. But both did. Radiohead’s The Bends transformed the band from being another post-Nirvana one hit wonder into the intelligent rock band du’jour of the mid 90’s. The same can be said for Coldplay’s remarkably crafted A Rush of Blood to the Head. Using The Bends as a thematic blueprint (right down to featuring a cold, computerized headshot on the cover), Coldplay did a complete 180. Where they used to be plodding and repetitive (“Yellow”) they were epic and soaring (“In My Place”). Where they used to be whiny and insufferable (the Dave Matthews inspired “Oh no, what’s this?” of “Trouble), they became confident and powerful (the Bono aping “Nothing else compaaaaaaaares” of “Clocks”). A piano hadn’t sounded this cool for three hundred years.
Which brings us to the aforementioned album number three crossroads. Radiohead famously retreated to Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman’s private castle and emerged with one of the greatest albums ever made. And Coldplay did not.
You wish.
Of course it’s completely unfair to say that X&Y pales in comparison OK Computer – after all, most albums do – it’s just that at a time when Coldplay should have reemerged with something adventurous, unique and different, they didn’t even try. X&Y simply happens to be one of the most calculated, boring, water-treading “event” records in years. Maybe it’s not totally their fault that X&Y doesn’t meet the lofty expectations that came with it, but dude, where’s my creativity?
It doesn’t help that Coldplay tipped their hand too easily. The two best songs on X&Y are the ones you already know. The first single “Speed of Sound” might sound quite a bit like “Clocks,” and it happens to be the best song on X&Y about the beauty and mystery of outer space. And the weepy instant classic, “Fix You,” which was already featured on The O.C and Saturday Night Live, happens to be the best song on X&Y about the beauty and mystery of love.
Now you might find this hard to believe, but the rest of X&Y is simply made up of unspectacularly nondescript tunes about the beauty and mystery of outer space and/or love. You would think that after three records Chris Martin would find something else to write about, but apparently he’s not capable. On X&Y’s “A Message,” a song that sounds like a weakened version of A Rush of Blood’s “Green Eyes” Martin even sings “My song is love” a number of times. Yeah, no shit big guy. Tell me something I don’t know.
But apparently he can’t.
What's in the cup?
X&Y literally alternates between fast songs about space and slow songs about love for the entire running time. It gets to a point where even though Coldplay’s trademark U2-lite is pleasant enough to listen to, Martin’s repetitive pontifications about space, love, the sky, the sun, the world and our insignificant place in it becomes laughable. Come to think of it, even the one Coldplay song with a title that hints at something other than love or space, A Rush of Blood’s “Politik” is in fact a love song about outer space.
But that’s how Coldplay began their last album. This time around, X&Y begins with the “Politik”-like “Square One,” where eerie keyboards give way to Martin saying “Urine control.” Eventually you realize he’s saying “You’re in control,” and then reassures us that indeed, “the future’s for discovering the space in which we’re traveling.” Then the instruments pick up and for the next hour we’re back in the land of Coldplay, where there’s little more to life than questioning outer space and feeling insecure about your high-profile relationship.
And that’s about it, which makes X&Y quite possibly the most over-hyped, anti-climactic album ever made. The entire thing blends together into one unremarkable collage of everything Coldplay (and U2, for that matter) have already done. This album shows that Chris Martin is little more than a guy who likes to play the piano and sing, only with an enormous production budget. Granted Coldplay didn’t have an OK Computer in them, but they needed to at least try. They needed a Vitalogy. A Blur. A Summerteeth. Even a fricking Zooropa would have sufficed. But no, Coldplay were content to give the world Another Rush of Blood to the Head.
So thanks for the effort guys. Next time stop worrying about making trade fair and concern yourself with making music good. But if not, I’m sure all of your softie fans will just love the fourth Coldplay album, More Songs about Love and Outer Space. And if that’s the case, then I won’t even bother burning it off of a co-worker.
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 04:10 PM
by Sanjay Shah
This is a review piece about the fan films out there. Low budget films which are made by fans for the fans all for the love of the characters. Yep I’ll be sifting through and watching a lot of this crap so you don’t have to.
As it’s currently bat season at the films, I thought I’d start off by looking at some Bat related fan flicks. I don’t expect them to be anywhere as good as the new (and expensive) film as I understand raising funds for these things is difficult – that could’ve been money spent on monthly comics and toy figure haul of any self-respecting bat fan but if I have to sit through watching someone with a mommy made costume pretending their garage is the Bat-cave, they will be getting a D for effort.
A short film that presupposes the death of the Dark Knight. Does he finally get laugh-gassed to death by his long standing adversary the Joker? Or is it one of the many other criminals in his freak show of rogues? Maybe even clubbed into an aneurysm with a tea tray by a long suffering Alfred? Nope some hood takes him out in some sort of badly lit warehouse. It could be good?
Bat Entrance: Walks in amid smoke and back lit, impressive enough so far.
Costume: It looks good. It’s the rubber style suit, no bat-nipples and Batman looks like he can move his neck in this.
Action: No physical fights, which is pretty poor seeing as the scene goes from Batman entering the warehouse to him being chained up by a gun pointing thug. Surely if someone is as good at Batman we need to see how a regular hood got the advantage over him.
Dialogue: Most of this is the banter between a tied up Batman and his captor:
Hood: (points gun at Bat-head) You think you know who I am, well you know nothing.
Batman: Do it.
Hood: You killed my dreams.
Batman: Do it!
Hood: Sure, I’m just another bad guy, another notch in your belt.
Batman: DO IT!
It all seems like an elaborate homoerotic cry for help by the film-maker.
Conclusion: The music is wrist-slashingly depressive, well to be fair Batman is about to buy it and I suppose this should emphasise this, although I can almost hear Radiohead on a particulary down day telling the filmaker to lighten up.
The expositional news reports fail to work convincingly and when the director decides to occasionally depart from the scene to do a 24 style multiple shots of action, it’s utterly redundant as there’s nothing going on.
Boringly slow, it really needs much tighter editing. The two characters were as interesting as floor polishing day at Wayne Manor. If anyone ever finds themselves having accidentally ingested Red Bull, speed, coke and various uppers, watch this for immediate effectiveness for a good night’s sleep.
Verdict; I'd rather eat the contents of the bat belt than watch this again.
Stars: 3 out of ten.
This was a CGI Lego short made by students of the 2004 graduating class of The Digital Animation and Visual Effects school and they somehow roped Adam West (Batman), Mark Hamill (Joker), Courtney Thorne Smith (Catwoman) and Dick Van Dyke (Commissioner Gordon) to do the voices.
It’s New Years Eve, The Joker and Harley Quinn have something special planned for the citizens of Gotham.
Bat Entrance: A small montage of Bruce Wayne putting the costume on ending with the mask. Classic and it works.
Costumes: Lego Batman, black and grey with charmingly drawn on looking chest and abs (definitely no bat-nips, here). He moves around the best way a Lego figure can. The other characters look good too, the Joker in particular.
Action: A great car chase sequence with the batmobile, a Harley Quinn hijacked armoured car and Gotham PD. Also Batman taking on Catwoman on a Joker-copter is done well.
Dialogue: It’s all enjoyable in the vein of what we expect of animated Batman shows.
Conclusion: It starts off as a tracking shot from the entrance of Wayne Manor all the way through it and onto a back balcony where a disguised Catwoman is standing and it gets better from there.
A fun little piece, some of the CGI is a bit over ambitious but the whole thing is entertaining enough and there are some nice bat-moments there as they certainly understand the characters.
Stars: 8 out of 10
Batman versus the Joker versus Alien versus Predator.
Bat Entrance: Typical montage of Wayne costume changing but we see the full costume when he’s sitting on a roof top at night with the rain pouring down. It looks great.
Costumes: Not fully the rubber variety and it's a good bat costume, very manoeuvrable and the lighting and rain around him makes Batman look intimidating enough. There's a great shot of him rising up from the ground and the leathery looking bat-cape lifting up around him almost morphed out from the ground itself.
The look of The Joker seems to have been influenced by Dave McKean’s interpretation from Arkham Asylum, the red tinged eyes with the stark white skin; they almost pull it off, good effort there. The Alien and Predator costumes are very good and I'd be interested to know where they got them from.
Action: Some nice action, although it is confined to one alleyway, they seem to have taken their time and choreographed this well enough.
Dialogue: Very minimal, most of it is by the cackling Joker. He does get a bit whiney here and they both start going into a 'you created me' - 'no you created me' pissing contest which didn't work for me.
A lot of fan filmmakers seem to think that the ingredients to playing the Joker means copious amounts of grinning like a stoned asshole with the odd dash of the hoo hoo hee hees and overdoing it with the facial talcum powder. These guys have definitely done better than most here though.
Conclusion: For a short film they've put too many elements into this. If they kept it a bit simpler than it would’ve been more satisfying and as a result the ending could’ve been much stronger. They certainly know how to make the darkness, rain and single light sources work for them and there's a good use of various soundtrack music too. For a fan film Dead End is certainly watchable.
Stars: 8 out of 10
According to the promo blurb it is:
"'Batman: Fanboy' is a fanfilm that is dedicated to all Bat-Fans out there. It's not a normal movie that shows Batman in action. It shows the real world of the Batman fan."
Interesting I thought, maybe a short in the style of Trekkies . Maybe we might see some comicbook creators or filmmakers who worked on the official films being interviewed. Or maybe it's some amusing piece on a guy who like to dress up as a badly costumed bat on the weekend as part of his hobby.
No. I gave this far far too much credit.
It's some grainy black and white short of the day in the life of some German guy. He gets up listening to some bad German rock, he has breakfast, goes to school, peruses a comicshop (I think. By the way the camera was drunkenly moving about I couldn't tell). He comes home to do his schoolwork and browses the net for a while. We cap it all off by a minute of looking at graphic novels on his bookshelves and we watch him reading a comic where it all goes to color for a minute.
No costumes (apart from his bedclothes which we are inflicted to), no Batman (apart from badly filmed comicbook pages) no action, (unless you call doing math homework any type of action), no dialogue (apart from the music of some German band in the background rambling about something of which I'm happy I don't understand). Only a feeble message of how comics color up his usual dreary life.
I've drunkenly thrown up in back alleys and upon viewing the upchuck through my inebriated vision I've seen better short films than this utter mess.
Stars: 1 out of 10 (and that's just because I was so thankful it ended quicker than I thought it would)
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 03:47 PM
by Pete Goodrich
Here in my car, I feel safest of all...
I hereby nominate The Fast and the Furious as the best shitty movie in existence.
It used to be Anaconda, with the brilliance of Jon Voigt's vague accent, gigantic fake-ass CGI snake, and Ice Cube calling said fake-ass snake a bitch as he kills it with an axe. Then I shifted allegiances, and went with Deep Blue Sea as my fave. The premise of making sharks smarter to cure Alzheimers is brilliance enough, but then you add in a sublime awful performance by LL Cool J, and the best death scene ever in Sam Jackson (honorable mention: they kill Michael Rappaport, an actor I realy loathe) getting chomped right at the end of his big speech. Deep Blue Sea rules.
But The Fast and the Furious? Deliciously awful! My God, not a single legit 'good' performance in the whole thing! Paul 'Brian' Walker plays the stiff, whitebread undercover cop (in a role very reminiscent of Keanu 'Point Break' Reeves) who I'd imagine in the real world would be spotted as a narc within seconds by street-savvy criminals. Not the case here! He blends right on in, which unsurprising as everybody else is a very bad actor as well.
Get used to that vague, dopey expression on blondie there.
Ja Rule plays another street racer, because it's not a bad movie unless there's a currently popular rapper in it. Mos Def is an exception to this, but can you remember back to when rappers were in serious movies, that seemed you know. Good? Cube in Boyz n tha Hood. Tupac in Poetic Justice. Ice T in New Jack City, or Surviving the Game. DMX in...never mind. The Digital Underground in Nothing But Trouble.
...okay, most of those examples suck. "Dude, Surviving the Game? Did you suffer a head injury?" Not recently. But read on!
The ladies of The Fast and the Furious are given little to do, which they do brilliantly.
And Vin 'Dom' Diesel plays Vin Diesel. He's the same dude in almost every movie he'll ever be in, in one he drives illegal races. In another he's got synthetic eyes. In another he snowboards out of an airplane. All the same. I want to see him in a Merchant Ivory film or something classic and British. He and Judi Densch are tight, maybe they could do an Austen adaptation together. Thats a trainwreck I'd pay to see opening night. OPENING. NIGHT.
I used to hate Vin, and not just because I was once referred to as resembling 'a wimpy Vin Diesel.' But then maybe a year ago, I came to realize something: I love shitty movies. I enjoy all kinds of movies, but I just can't help but lean towards the truly crap ones above others. It's intellectual slumming, I know. I should look for movies that truly move the heart or the mind, maybe watch more documentaries.
But what can I say? I like car crashes and ninjas in my movie.
The Fast and the Furious has plenty of wrecked cars, but not enough ninjas. Tho the main villains in this are asian, and are refreshingly non-stereotypical. Well, non-stereotypical in the sense of they aren't short, heavily accented math geniuses who carry twenty cameras around their necks. They're wealthy, sinister Asian-Americans who drive fancy cars, speak perfect english, and have machine guns. Progress in Hollywood baby! Which is funny because I just saw an Asian dude driving a tricked out Civic the other day. I know it was tricked out because he had a prominent 'Civic' decal on the windshield. In case I didn't recognize. I wonder if he also had nitrous oxide canisters hidden under the passenger seat. So this is perpetrating the new Asian stereotype, of being a car-obsessed Triad affiliate. I still call it progress.
Vroom! Vroom vroom vroom!!
The benchmark of a bad movie is the terrible dialogue. In a Bay/Bruckheimer movie, you will not get the unintentionally hilarious dialogue that you will in other crap movies. No, they try too hard to sound cool, where in the Fast and the Furious: they didn't really try that hard. In fact they basically changed it from surfing to street racing, made the lead 'bad guy' more ambiguous, and had less Swayze, Patron Saint of the Brilliantly Shitty Movie. See "Roadhouse" for more evidence.
Examples!
Dom: I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I'm free.
...might be the DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD IN A MOVIE. Except for some of these riveting quotes, as provided by IMDB
Brian: I just need some more time.
FBI Officer: If you want time, buy the magazine!
Amost clever!
Vince: Why don't you try Fat Burger from now on? You can get yourself a cheese and fries for 2.95, faggot!
Brian: I like the tuna here.
Vince: Bullshit asshole, no one likes the tuna here!
Brian: Yeah well I do.
Riveting dialogue. You can really feel the tension between the two.
Grr! Drama!
Dom: You almost had me? You never had me - you never had your car... Granny shiftin' not double clutchin' like you should. You're lucky that hundred shot of NOS didn't blow the welds on the intake! Now me and the mad scientist gotta rip apart the block, and replace the piston rings you fried.
Okay, this was a big problem for me. I'm not a gearhead. Hell, I take the subway. I know nothing of cars, and I'll guess that perhaps 50% of the dialogue in this movie was based around talk like the above quote. car talk. And not the NPR Car Talk, this is like edgy street-racer car talk. And I have NO idea what any of that means, but I think that Vin is trying to explain that they can't get back to 1985 without fixing the flux capacitator.
Did I mention the car crashes? They were excellent.
Hey, it's not fine film. You want a deep, moving film go...somewhere else. I only know what I like, and what I like is whatever I want to see at the moment. Sometimes it'll be something heavy and profound, but more often than not it'll involve CGI, ninjas, or abnormally large wildlife eating people. Last night I was definitely in the mood for a easy movie to watch, something mindless and engaging with plenty of eye candy to hold my interest for however long. This Fast and the Furious did the job, as there was enough laughably bad shit in it to keep the movie from being totally shit. Check it out, if you can afford to see it without paying any money for it.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
By J. Brent Stewart
Ah, it's been a strange couple of weeks, but rather than waste time apologizing for why I suck (when there are myriad reasons to choose from) why not dive back into the action?
We've profiled all of the series of Marvel Minimates currently on sale, but here is what is on the horizon!
Late summer:
Series 10
Sandman/Silver Sable
The Spider-Man Supporting Character B-Team
Black Cat/Ben Reilly (yup, really scraping the bottom of the barrel for Spider-guys these days)
Spider-Woman/Spider-Carnage (Spider-Carnage??? WTF is this? Did this happen in the comics? Why?)
Chase is Spider-Woman in her black outfit…actually a different character altogether, I know, I know…
Series 11
Bishop/Cable (These guys both suck, but hey, at least it’s not mullet Bishop)
What would happen if you put Iceman in a Snoopy Snocone maker? Answer: delicious!
Rogue/Mystique (Awesome, Mom and Daughter duo! Not a fan of that particular Rogue costume, though I concede that it is the most popular one)
Firestar/Iceman (From Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends!!! AWESOME!)
Chase is a variant clear Iceman.
These should ship later in the summer.
And now, for your OCD completists, don’t think I’ve forgotten the exclusives and packaging variations!
Available in other packages/variations:
- Grey Hulk & Ultimate Spider-Man 2-pack (Wizard World Chicago & San Diego ComiCon)
- Silver Surfer (Tower Records)
- Marvel Minimate 10-Pack (Toys "R" Us)
This 10-pack retails for about $20. The only figure in the pack that you can’t get elsewhere (so far, at least) is Ultimate Green Goblin…and I’m not paying $20 for that ugly hunk of crap.
However, if you’ve never picked up a 2-pack, or just want to get a cool group of figures in one go, you could do worse than this set, which features: Silver Surfer (with his board!), Mr. Fantastic, Ultimate Spidey, New X-Men Wolverine, Iron Man, Ghost Rider, Venom w/ or w/o Tongue, Battle-Damage DD, and the Thing.
If only they all had optional tongues...
As of now, only available from the original source or eBay, and possibly not to be reissued:
- Professor X & Magneto 2-pack (ActionFigureExpress.com)
Prof and Mags were reissued in a TRU 4-pack, but Prof didn’t have his Cerebro helmet, as he does in this exclusive. STILL AVAILABLE AS OF THIS WRITING.
- Mary Jane & Peter Parker DST 2-pack (Wizard World Chicago & SDCC)
- Giant-Size X-Men #1 Boxed Set (Diamond Select Toys)
I’m still kicking myself for passing this one up. It originally retailed for $25, and I remember walking around the comic shop with it in my hands, thinking about buying it. At the time I wasn’t collecting the line, but this set was nearly enough to get me into it.
Of course, I put it back, it disappeared, and now it sells for $40-$70 online. Crap in a hat.
- Spider-Man Gold (2003 Wizard World Chicago & SDCC)
This one was a lottery giveaway at comic cons, and is the Holy Grail for most MM collectors. Only 200 or so (250? I don’t know the exact number) exist. They routinely sell for $250+ on eBay…that is, when they show up at all.
- Power Man & Iron Fist 2-Pack (ToyFare Exclusive)
Wizard Toyfare Mail away. The character selection and the execution (Iron Fist even comes with clear “chi”!) make this an instant classic.
- Classic Iron Man Grey & Silver Centurion (ActionFigureExpress.com)
As a fan of the different Iron Man armors, this one is a personal favorite. The Classic Grey armor looks kinda funky (that skirt!) in MM form, but it’s still a blast. STILL AVAILABLE AS OF THIS WRITING.
- Clobberin' Time Thing & Super Skrull (Tower Records)
This is another favorite set, featuring a classic Thing in that great uniform, and SUPER SKRULL! Nothing is cooler than a Minimate Super Skrull. From his extending rocky arm to his clear feet, he simply rules the school. He is king of the Minimates, as far as I’m concerned. STILL AVAILABLE AS OF THIS WRITING, at tower.com.
- Mariko Yashida & Wolverine (2004 SDCC)
So…another Wolverine…and…uh…his wife. Yay. I’m glad I got this one for $7 at a con last summer.
- Battle-damaged Captain America & The Punisher (2004 SDCC & Wizard World Chicago)
This was the first Punisher, in that classic uniform, but he came completely unarmed. Luckily the new Assault Punisher is overstocked on weapons, so he can pass a couple of glocks over to his clone.
The Battle-Damaged Cap continues the tradition of the ripped-up clothes and messed up face, and even includes the clear “laser shield” from that lamentable stretch of Avengers comics! Again, it’s the small, comic-specific details that really make this line a winner.
Now for the packaging freaks, a breakdown of the different assortments and carding variations you can track down:
Wal-Mart/Target 2-Packs
- Spider-Man & Green Goblin
- Masked Spider-Man & Civilian Logan
- Iron Man & Doctor Doom
- Captain America & Rhino
- Hulk & Thing
- Kingpin & Ultimate Spider-Man
- New Wolverine & Phoenix
- Ultimate Cyclops & Ultimate Wolverine
- Logan & Peter Parker/Spider-Man
- Unmasked Spider-Man & Doctor Octopus
- Battle-Damaged Daredevil & Bullseye
- Battle-Damaged Spider-Man & Venom w/ tongue
Toys "R" Us 5-Packs w/ Hidden Figures
- Spider-Man & Battle-damaged Spider-Man & Green Goblin & Venom & Rhino
- Green Hulk & Bruce Banner & Daredevil Red & Elektra Red & Gray Hulk
- Ultimate Wolverine & Ultimate Storm & Ultimate Cyclops & Logan & Sabretooth
2003 Toys "R" Us 4-Packs (no hidden figures)
- Spider-Man & Battle-damaged Spider-Man & Green Goblin & Venom
- Green Hulk & Bruce Banner & Daredevil Red & Elektra Red
- Ultimate Wolverine & Ultimate Storm & Ultimate Cyclops & Logan
2004 Toys "R" Us 4-Packs (no hidden figures)
- Unmasked Spider-Man & Captain America & Absorbing Man & Dr. Octopus
- Civilian Logan & Juggernaut & Battle Damaged Daredevil & Masked Spider-Man
- Thing & Spider-Man & Dr. Doom & Carnage
- Silver Surfer & Gamma Hulk & Classic Wolverine & Iron Man
- Phoenix & Professor X & Magneto & New Wolverine
- Peter Parker & Kingpin & Bullseye & Ultimate Spiderman
ShopKo Single Packs
- Battle-damaged Spider-Man
- Classic Green Goblin
- Daredevil
- Hulk
- Spider-Man
- Venom
And last but not least, we have the summer convention exclusives!
Exclusive to the big summer comic cons, these are going to be hard to find. I normally don't fret about this stuff, but I actually REALLY WANT ALL OF THESE! GAAAAH!
Dark Phoenix/Cyclops 2-Pack
This Cyclops is still more lively than James Marsden
Fantastic Four set
"Our movie may suck, but we will not!"
And finally, after much hemming and hawing, Thanos has finally been announced! Unfortunately he's stuck with yet another Silver Surfer, but apparently that's the price we have to pay. And honestly, it looks like he's gonna be worth it!
Smell the glove!
Thanos is supposed to be a summer con exclusive, with remainders heading to AFX. Can't wait to get my hands on him!
And that, at least as of June of 2005, is the Marvel Minimate story.
But wait…what else is there???
Join us for a future installment covering the very interesting “build” line C3 (featuring DC superheroes and Lego-style building sets), Lord of the Rings, and more! Next week! Honest!
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 12:00 PM
by Ryan Higgins and the Your Mom's Basement staff
Anakin who?. Every good geek knows the big geek movie event this year isn't Star Wars, it's Batman Begins. Did they finally get it right? Is it finally Batman and not some director's interpretaion of Batman? We had a group of mullet-wearing fanboys ask Fan Favorite Retailer Ryan Higgins 20-odd questions about the soon-to-be released Movie Event of the Year.
1) Does a pre-costume Catwoman play into this, like she did in Year One? Any other overt Year One elements in this?
I think after the piss-poor Catwoman movie featuring Halle Berry, they decided to give Catwoman a rest, which is good. This movie isn't about Batman kicking Scarecrow's ass. Batman Begins is about Bruce Wayne, and too many main characters would take away from that. Sure, we have Batman, Scarecrow, "Ra's al Ghul", Ducard, Gordon, and more, but they don't have as much screen time as Bruce Wayne combined.
There were a few Year One elements, but the best has to be the last scene in the movie. I won't spoil it for you, but, well, anyone who's read Year One should know what I'm talking about.
2) WHERE IS TALIA?!?!?!?! She's the best part of the Ra's al Ghul character: the fact that he wants his daughter to mate with Batman.
See, the thing about Ra's is...well...naw, I can't give it away.
Anyway, no Talia. See Question #1.
3) How much of a role does Gary Oldman have as Lt. Gordon?
Sgt. Gordon doesn’t get the short shrift here… he’s not the fat bumbling guy from the other movies, but rather the integral character he is in the comics. Gordon is Batman’s confidante, friend, and ass-kicker. He even gives Batman a nice speech at the end, that justifies the future super-villain population, in a way. Paraphrasing here, "We use semi-automatics, the criminals use automatics. We wear kevlar, they use armor-piercing bullets. You wear a mask… what do you think they’re gonna do?" The relationship between Gordon and Batman is much stronger here than any of the previous movies.
Gary Oldman might have been the best actor in the movie, besides Michael Caine.
4) Who is the worst actor/character in the film? And who gets shortchanged the most for screen time?
Seriously? No one. There was not a bad or cheesy actor in the entire film. I'm sure some people will fault Ken Watanabe, but they really shouldn't.
Ken Watanabe defiantly gets the least screen time. Huh, that's funny, because Ra's al Ghul is the big villain in this movie, isn't he? Strange how that works...
5) Do they reference the DC universe at all? Does anyone ever inform Mr. Wayne about his factory in Opal City, for example?
Nope, Dick Grayson's circus isn't half-way to Metropolis by now.
6) Bat-mite?
7) Cool fight scenes or Keaton-era-standing-there-and-waiting-for-people-to-come- to-him-to-hit fight scenes?
It will make more sense once you see it, but you hardly see Batman fight. He's like a ninja in this. And not the kind that flips out all the time, but the total ass-kicking, stealthy, disappears into the darkness, old school type of ninja. The fight scenes are almost like a horror movie, shot from the criminals’ perspective, with Batman stalking them.
8) What movie do the Waynes go to see in the flashback to his parents’ death? Is it still Zorro?
No, and FOR GOD SAKES EVERYONE SHUT UP ABOUT THIS. Yeah, big friggin' deal, he doesn’t go see Zorro. Really, his parents take him to an opera, which is a bit more realistic than the richest people in Gotham taking their son to a sleazy movie theater to see Zorro.
9) Is Harvey Dent in it? Billy Dee Williams needs work.
I feel that Billy Dee Williams best job is as the “malt liquor guy” from those old TV commercials. Screw Harvey Dent! Screw Lando! Bring back the malt liquor guy!
10) Are there any nods at all to the previous movies? Perhaps a newspaper with photos by a "V. Vale" or reference to a web-footed circus freak?
Holy rusted metal, Batman!
No, this is a fresh start.
11) How long does it take for Bruce Wayne to evolve into Batman? The movie is supposed to focus on how Wayne becomes the Batman. Conceivably, that could mean that Batman doesn't appear in costume until the climactic scene, towards the end. Which would suck.
Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. Batman shows up about an hour into it, but the journey of Bruce Wayne to Batman, the discovery of the cave beneath Wayne Manor, his training in Asia…these are all very important and very interesting scenes. Like I said earlier, Bruce Wayne is the major character in this movie, and it doesn’t suffer for it.
12) So is Batman Bruce Wayne or is Bruce Wayne Batman in it?
Bruce Wayne is Bruce Wayne for a good chunk of the movie. Once he dawns that cape and cowl though, he's Batman for good. There are some [i]genius[/i] scenes of "Bruce Wayne" bumbling things up and being all aloof and goofy. Some great moments. There’s also a great moment at the end where it’s definitively stated that Bruce Wayne is “the mask.”
13) Does Batman fight cops at all like he did in Year One? Is the city government corrupt like it was in Year One?
Isn’t Gotham City corrupt even these days? Yes, when the Waynes are murdered, Gotham is a beautiful city that is just feeling the first waves of crime, but by the time Bruce comes back from his days of training, Gotham City has completely fell apart. The police are owned by the Falcone crime family, and there’s nothing that anyone can do about it. No person of flesh and blood can stop the crime bosses, but maybe a symbol, something incorruptible…
14) Is it "Batman" or is it "The Batman"?
No, it's Batman because "The Batman" only makes me think of that crappy cartoon.
15) How is Ken Watanabe as Ra's al Ghul? Do they mention the Lazarus Pit?
Nope… no Lazarus Pits.
As for Ra’s himself… here’s the big spoiler for the movie. Are you ready for this? C’mon, if you’re going to highlight the white text below, you’re going to ruin everything, so don’t do it unless you really, really want to. Ok?
This is your last warning.
Ok, here it is (swipe below):
Ken Watanabe isn’t Ra’s al Ghul.
16) Where does Christian Bale rate on a buffness scale compared to his appearances in American Psycho and Reign of Fire?
Having never seen either of those movies, I’m not sure, but Bale isn’t super buff or real scrawny, either. He comes across as a good Batman, but more importantly, a good Bruce Wayne.
17) Do chicks really dig the Batmobile?
I’ve been told that chicks dig really big, long, hard, black things.
So I’ve been told.
18) Is Morgan Freeman really in this? Why?
What do you mean, why? Morgan Freeman is a great actor! Just because he plays the exact same role in every single movie he’s in isn’t his fault. He gets typecast as the ex-cop/retiring cop who’s the only one that can stop the crazy madman from cutting up some blonde chick.
In Batman Begins, Freeman plays ex-Wayne Industries board member Lucius Fox, who has been stuck in the cancelled R&D department, watching over lots of expensive forms of armor and weapons that the government couldn’t afford to mass produce for the army. Just the thing for a crazy orphan that wants to dress up like a bat…
19) Do they make the Scarecrow actually menacing in this?
Oh, do they ever! Batman Begins has the best use of Scarecrow's fear gas that I've ever seen. It's not totally over the top where the person it seeing all sorts of crazy stuff that isn't there; instead, it just alters whatever you're looking at to make it just “off” enough to be really disturbing. And when he gets a taste of his own fear gas, well, let's just say Man-Bat might be a bit more accurate than Batman...
20) Will theoretical fanboys who have filled their homes with Bat-stuffs, dressed as Batman during most non-school hours as a child, and given entirely too much thought to men in rubber capes be pleased with this film? And by “pleased,” I mean, will I...uh, I mean they, THEY....will THEY come away satisfied, fully ass-kicked?
I will personally come over to your house and kick your ass if you have any complaints about this movie. Really. Seriously. It’s that good. Look, fanboys love to complain about everything, and I’m sure some will find some problems with this movie (like the Zorro thing, or the fact that Joe Chill is in it, and all sorts of other small changes they made) but THIS IS A MOVIE. This is not a comic book on film. This is a movie. There need to be changes when translating comics to movies, and Christopher Nolan and David Goyer do a terrific job of keeping the feel of the comics intact, but at the same time adapting it for the movie audience unfamiliar with Batman beyond the lame third and fourth movies. A friend who saw Batman Begins with me commented after the movie was over that every “problem” he had with the movie (and trust me, I threw my hands up in the air when they brought up Joe Chill) was fixed by the end of the film. This movie a huge accomplishment for Warner Bros. and Nolan, and hopefully will continue into next summer’s Superman, and 2007’s Wonder Woman movie.
I say this with no remorse: Batman Begins is better than Spider-Man 1 & 2. Better than either of the Tim Burton Batman movies. Better than Superman 1 & 2. Better than X-Men 1 & 2. Not only is this the single best comic book movie ever made, it’s a damn fine film, one that will hopefully draw lots of new fans to the original source material and comic books in general.
Thanks to my good friend Ryan Scott, and check out his kick-ass Batman Begins review.
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Read 20-Odd Questions: New Warriors
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 05:00 PM
By Rajan Khanna
March of the DAMNED
In some ways, comic conventions such as Wizardworld Philadelphia are some of my favorite conventions of all. I've been to gaming conventions, sci-fi and fantasy conventions, and yet none are as all-encompassing as comic conventions are. There are plenty of comic-related events and attractions, of course - and most of the panels deal with comics - but the modern comic convention has really become a multi-media event with anime, games, toys, movies, and television falling within the envelope.
I didn't attend any panels, and I don't have any comic news or gossip to impart. For that I'll refer you to Newsarama or The Pulse or CBR. Instead I generally walked around, trying to absorb as much of the con as I could.
Team Grimjack
One of the major draws of this con for me, aside from the fact that many of my friends were going, was that the Grimjack team was going - John Ostrander, Tim Truman, and Mike Gold all together in one place. I wasn't able to make their panel in the morning (damn you, public transportation) but I was able to catch up with them at their table in Artist's Alley. Grimjack has always been my favorite comic/comic character of all time and his recent return in a mini and trades from IDW has been something I'd been waiting for a long time.
I'd also been waiting to meet Tim Truman for a long time. I'd met John Ostrander before (a great writer and wonderful person), but this was my first time meeting Tim Truman. He was nice and congenial and funny and agreed to do a sketch for me and send it to me (something I've wanted for a long time). All in all, they're all a talented bunch and their comic is, in my opinion, one of the best things out there. I heartily recommend it to anyone.
YOU KIDS GO PLAY OUTSIDE!
The PSP Seduction
Wizardworld Philly was also my first introduction to the PSP. Sure, I'd seen them on the subway, and yes, I was curious, but the con was my first time holding one in my hands. The shiny screen, the glossy surface, the impeccable graphics - they all grabbed hold of my instantly. Like some kind of digital magpie, I'm often drawn to things electronic and shiny, but this one seems to deserve it. I have a Nintendo DS, I like Nintendo a lot, but the Sony PSP is a Dodge Viper to the DS's Honda Element.
Dressing Up
BAH! Doom cares not for your 'dignity!'
Cons typically have people in costume, often dressed as their favorite comic character or other geek archetype. This year I saw quite a few people in costume - a Batman and Catwoman, a Spider-Man, a Black Cat, but by far the most common type of costume were the Star Wars people. It's a good time for it, I suppose, what with the release of Episode III, but what really amazes me is the quality of the costumes these days. There was a time when the only Star Wars costume you could get involved a plastic mask and a shirt that said Star Wars on it. These days there are people walking around in full Stormtrooper gear, or full Boba Fett armor. Even the Darth Vader at the con looked like Darth Vader (only smaller and with less overacting).
Right before the siege of the food court.
Let's face it, though - a Star Wars costume is useful. You can wear it to movie premieres, you can wear it to gaming cons, media cons, sci-fi cons, comic cons. I imagine that Star Wars people can find occasions to do this every month of the year and possibly more besides. Interestingly enough, the most popular costumes seem to be the bad guys - there were no Luke Skywalkers or other Jedi, no Rebel soldiers, no Wookies. Then again, the Dark Side is more seductive, isn't it...
The Batman Begins pass. Give it to me.
Media "Stars"
Every con of this type always has its share of media "stars" - people who have appeared in movies or television, sometimes wrestlers, always people who have time to appear at cons rather than actually, say, working in the biz. This one featured the likes of Lou Ferrigno (television's Incredible Hulk!), Marc Singer (the Beastmaster and Donovan from V!) , and Virgil (the wrestler!). I won't say that their tables were empty - there were generally a couple of people by them at any given time - but they didn't get a lot of traffic. Clearly the most successful media guest was Tricia Helfer of Battlestar Galactica (the new series) fame. No surprise that a hot Cylon attracted the most attention at a con full of horny male geeks. If the lines weren't so long, I might have stopped by myself...
No joke for this one.
Highlights
The highlight of the con for me was meeting the Grimjack team, no doubt. A close second was meeting Andy Lee. Andy Lee is an artist, who applies traditional Chinese brush painting techniques to superheroes and other geek culture topics like Star Wars. Andy did a Grimjack sketch for me, which is amazing, but everything at his table was amazing. I saw him do a Yoda, a Silver Surfer, and a Dr. Fate. All were amazing. There are lots of people who draw superheroes the traditional way; there aren't many who use Chinese Brush painting. It's definitely worth checking out.
That, in a nutshell, was my con experience. Check out the rest of YMB for more con reports.
Discuss this article in our forum.
Posted by YourMomsBasement at 08:01 AM
by Eugene
Three grown men hurtling down the interstate at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning with a partially-formed Marvel Legends Galactus riding shotgun. Painstakingly-crafted checklists folded neatly into their pockets, armed with the mobile phone numbers of friends only known by internet message board handles, our heroes ventured forth bravely into the wasteland known as... wait. Which was the bigger wasteland? The Wizard World Con or the city of Philadelphia? I forget. No matter. Same-same.
Bright-eyed and bushy tailed, I high-tailed it to Philadelphia’s Wizard World convention on Saturday morning accompanied by two friends from YMB. The 12 hours that followed were jam-packed with moments of pure geekgasm, overpowering whiffs of unbelievably powerful B.O. (seriously, there were a couple of people there who were the Beyonders of B.O.), and relentless mocking of out-of-shape fanboys who were clearly lower than us in the Geek Heirarchy.
First, the news. I’d love to provide an entire column’s worth of announcements and happenings in the comics industry, but frankly, I only made it to one panel. And that was the one where half the audience was going to be selected to watch Batman Begins that very night. In IMAX. (I wasn’t selected. I got a friggin’ poster instead. But really, I feel that makes up for it. It was an honor just to be nominated. Really.) So I’m not exactly going to be able to provide you with the blow-by-blow of the con. Hell, if you’re coming here for that stuff, you’re just a fudgehammer, anyway. But let’s get the formalities out of the way. Here’s what was announced at the DC panel:
* Why is it that every panel at a comicon has to have some idiot in a Graphitti Designs t-shirt making continuity-laden jokes? In what universe is this amusing? I have a lot of hate, as you can see.
And that, I’m afraid, concludes the informative portion of our program. Like I said, I’d love to be able to provide all sorts of industry news announced exclusively at the convention, but really, just go to Newsarama like everyone else. You want internet snarkery and flamewar beatdowns? I’m your man. Comics news on the internet is just not my strong suit.
What is firmly within my area of expertise, however, are the subjects of spending too much money on toys and doing the quick skirt through Artist’s Alley to see who’s selling topless photos of herself. I’m telling you, there’s not much I wouldn’t give to see Aimee Sweet dressed up in a pleather Dark Phoenix outfit and invite me to “share a psychic rapport” with her, you know?
Aside from the porn stars though, there were plenty of people to look at. Predictably, there were Star Wars characters galore, but there also was (we think) an Earth X Spider-Man, a burly DC Captain Marvel, a pudgy Alex Ross-type Batman, and a hominahomina Black Cat. One thing we all noticed was there seemed to be many more people there dressed up in costume than we remembered there being last year or the year before. Hell, there were just plain many more people period, than we ever remember seeing before. The peak of the influx seemed to be around noon on Saturday, and by early afternoon, you couldn’t walk the convention floor without getting sticky with someone else’s grease.
But getting lousy in some sweaty fanboy’s filth was actually worth it when considering the action figure finds I made. And the best part of the entire day was being able to be at a comicon with good friends, talk comics, and make ourselves feel superior by relentlessly mocking the overweight and socially inept.
That’s all I got. I’m tapped. Although I came away with a bit of fashion advice: Apparently, the new “in” look is the visor. Ain’t that a kick in the head? Oh, and apparently tipping is not a common practice in certain corners of the Marvel Universe. But really, that’s all I got.
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Posted by YourMomsBasement at 07:30 AM
by Ryan Higgins and the Your Mom's Basement staff
New Warriors. Uber cool or uber-fools? Has the once beloved property finally been given the revamp that its rabid fanbase thinks it deserves? We had a group of caffeinated fanboys ask Our Favorite Retailer Ryan Higgins 20-odd questions about the soon-to-be released comic book.
1) Do they make any mention of the half-assed late 90s failed New Warriors revamp?
No, there's no mention of the late 90s series, thank God. I don't know why but I just could never get into that series...
2) Is this new revamp full-assed?
Read on and find out...
3) Does this tie into House of M?
No House of M, no mutants (outside of a mention of Vance Astrovik), no New York...wait, this isn't a Marvel comic! What the hell is this?!
4) Who were the Old Warriors and did they ever have a book?
The Old Warriors are guys like Spider-Man, Daredevil, Captain America and Wolverine, man! Guys that only fight the big, bad super villains, not the gangs or people that destroy the environment. "We can be a team. We can fight the kinds of crime they never touch. We can make a difference. We can help people." Of course, their first appearance, they fight Juggernaut. Then in their first issue, they fight Terrax. Yeah, way to go guys.
5) So the Whizzer wasn't one of the Old Warriors? Heh, heh, whizzer.
No.
6) Who's the fat dude in the previews? Did the Blob go good-guy?
That is the Warriors newest member...Microbe! His ability? Being able to talk to germs. Because of him, we get to find out that Tiger Shark doesn't wash his hands after going to the bathroom and he got STDs while he was in jail. Fun!
7) So the fat guy can talk to germs, right? So he, what, gives bad guys tummy viruses? They get the runs?
So far, his only ability is to whine and not hit things.
8) Is Speedball really just a metaphor for drugs? Do you know where I can get some?
Funny story about Speedball, from when I was just a youngin' on this wild internet. Sierra Games (makers of King's Quest, Ultima, Quest For Glory and others) had the first online game server, The Sierra Network (later, ImagiNation Network). You were able to make face icons to go along with your name, mine being Speedball, of course. I had been registered with TSN for a few weeks or so before one of the moderators messaged me, telling me that my name was against the TOS of the service, that being my name was named after a drug. It took a little bit of explaining, but eventually one of the other mods was able to confirm that Speedball was, in fact, a comic book character, and that my icon properly represented the character I named myself after.
Anyway, I'm sure Speedball is a metaphor for drugs. Have you ever had a chance to read the Speedball mini-series from Steve Ditko, shortly before leaving comics? It's off-the-wall nuts, and I'm sure he was hooked on something when he was writing/drawing that.
9) Along those lines, is the Night Thrasher a metaphor for masturbation? Where can I get some of that?
When it comes to Night Thrasher...well...if you have to ask where you can get some of that on the internet, I think you're on a different internet than I am.
10) What the hell is the deal with the bucket on Nova's head?
Good god, man, that's no BUCKET! It's the helmet of the Nova Corps, defenders of the planet Xandar. Just like Hal Jordan, Richard Rider got his Nova powers from a dying Nova Corps member, Rhomann Dey, who transferred his powers to Rich in order to stop an attacking enemy, Zorr.
11) Do any 'classic' New Warriors villains make an appearance in issue 1?
Classic Namor villain Tiger Shark shows up, as well as Armadillo. Yes, you can tell this will be an action-packed series when your leading villains are Tiger Shark and Armadillo.
12) So no the 'Sea Urchin' or the (snicker) 'Mathemagician?'
Nope.
13) Where does this spin out of? Marvel titles always spin out of things.
This spins out of JoeQ's "Let's Throw 943275375 Titles Against The Wall And See If Something Other Than Female Wolverine Clones Sell" storyline.
14) Why is Namorita blue with white hair and crazy tattoos?
Namorita always thought she was a hybrid, half-human, half-Atlantean. It turns out she was a clone (aren't they all!) of her mother Namora and ancient Altantean ancestors. In New Warriors #44, she mutates into the blue form she's taken on here. Skottie Young had this to say about her appearance:
"With Namorita, I felt I had some options. I've seen her approached in different ways over the years. Sometimes flesh colored skin, and sometimes blue. I really was drawn to the blue side. And being from the sea, and in my mind an under water warrior, I thought giving her some tattoos would really give here a harder edge and sell here as a tribal warrior. She's pretty fun."
15) But didn't she used to be white? With blonde hair?
She returned to her original look in the last few appearances she's had, but now she's back to the blue form.
16) Would she eat a tuna sandwich if you told her it was Chicken of the Sea brand?
I'm sure 'Nita doesn't eat tuna, if you catch my drift.
17) Firestar's powers are actually microwave based. Shouldn't she be named something like Reheater? Or Crisping Sleeve?
Yeah, I was never sure quite how her powers worked. I mean, if you stood next to Firestar for 3-5 minutes, maybe you would get hot, but other than that?
18) You know what's good? Hot Pockets.
Uh...
19) Give me a rundown of the new book. Who's in it, what's the point, why should I care?
Ok, basically, Night Thrasher has run out of money and gets the New Warriors together to fight crime in small-town America, using a television studio to finance them. In compensation for the money, the TV studio gets to film them for a reality show. This really starts to complicate things when something like Speedball bounces too fast and they have to recreate the sequence with potentially deadly bad guys.
20) It has been speculated that you might be the biggest New Warriors Geek in the history of the known universe. So here's the ultimate question: as a diehard New Warriors fan, as the chapter president of Californians For a Successful New Warriors Re-launch (CFSNWR), did you like it?
I don't think anything can capture the charm of the original series, but this one comes close. The thing I always liked about the original New Warriors book was that they were superhero teenagers growing up in the superhero world, much like teenagers grow up into the real world. The first issue has Marvel Boy being told he couldn't join the Avengers because he was too young and inexperienced. Where as the Teen Titans had the JLA to learn from, the New Warriors were alone and had to learn the superhero gig on their own.
This third volume of the book has a lot of the comedy of the original series, but lacks the occasional seriousness. The New Warriors are growing up in a world that looks down at them, and by being c-rate characters on a z-rate reality TV show, I can't see them getting more respect from their peers. If there's a plot over the six issue series about why Night Thrasher signed up for this show, it's not made clear in the first issue. Six issues of them fighting random wacky bad guys in small towns would just be pointless. Still, the first issue was funny, so it's got that at least. We'll see where it goes from here, but it's not a bad start.
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