by Ryan Higgins and the Your Mom's Basement staff

New Warriors. Uber cool or uber-fools? Has the once beloved property finally been given the revamp that its rabid fanbase thinks it deserves? We had a group of caffeinated fanboys ask Our Favorite Retailer Ryan Higgins 20-odd questions about the soon-to-be released comic book.

1) Do they make any mention of the half-assed late 90s failed New Warriors revamp?

No, there's no mention of the late 90s series, thank God. I don't know why but I just could never get into that series...

2) Is this new revamp full-assed?

Read on and find out...

3) Does this tie into House of M?

No House of M, no mutants (outside of a mention of Vance Astrovik), no New York...wait, this isn't a Marvel comic! What the hell is this?!

4) Who were the Old Warriors and did they ever have a book?

The Old Warriors are guys like Spider-Man, Daredevil, Captain America and Wolverine, man! Guys that only fight the big, bad super villains, not the gangs or people that destroy the environment. "We can be a team. We can fight the kinds of crime they never touch. We can make a difference. We can help people." Of course, their first appearance, they fight Juggernaut. Then in their first issue, they fight Terrax. Yeah, way to go guys.

5) So the Whizzer wasn't one of the Old Warriors? Heh, heh, whizzer.

No.

6) Who's the fat dude in the previews? Did the Blob go good-guy?

That is the Warriors newest member...Microbe! His ability? Being able to talk to germs. Because of him, we get to find out that Tiger Shark doesn't wash his hands after going to the bathroom and he got STDs while he was in jail. Fun!

7) So the fat guy can talk to germs, right? So he, what, gives bad guys tummy viruses? They get the runs?

So far, his only ability is to whine and not hit things.

8) Is Speedball really just a metaphor for drugs? Do you know where I can get some?

Funny story about Speedball, from when I was just a youngin' on this wild internet. Sierra Games (makers of King's Quest, Ultima, Quest For Glory and others) had the first online game server, The Sierra Network (later, ImagiNation Network). You were able to make face icons to go along with your name, mine being Speedball, of course. I had been registered with TSN for a few weeks or so before one of the moderators messaged me, telling me that my name was against the TOS of the service, that being my name was named after a drug. It took a little bit of explaining, but eventually one of the other mods was able to confirm that Speedball was, in fact, a comic book character, and that my icon properly represented the character I named myself after.

Anyway, I'm sure Speedball is a metaphor for drugs. Have you ever had a chance to read the Speedball mini-series from Steve Ditko, shortly before leaving comics? It's off-the-wall nuts, and I'm sure he was hooked on something when he was writing/drawing that.

9) Along those lines, is the Night Thrasher a metaphor for masturbation? Where can I get some of that?

When it comes to Night Thrasher...well...if you have to ask where you can get some of that on the internet, I think you're on a different internet than I am.

10) What the hell is the deal with the bucket on Nova's head?

Good god, man, that's no BUCKET! It's the helmet of the Nova Corps, defenders of the planet Xandar. Just like Hal Jordan, Richard Rider got his Nova powers from a dying Nova Corps member, Rhomann Dey, who transferred his powers to Rich in order to stop an attacking enemy, Zorr.

11) Do any 'classic' New Warriors villains make an appearance in issue 1?

Classic Namor villain Tiger Shark shows up, as well as Armadillo. Yes, you can tell this will be an action-packed series when your leading villains are Tiger Shark and Armadillo.

12) So no the 'Sea Urchin' or the (snicker) 'Mathemagician?'

Nope.

13) Where does this spin out of? Marvel titles always spin out of things.

This spins out of JoeQ's "Let's Throw 943275375 Titles Against The Wall And See If Something Other Than Female Wolverine Clones Sell" storyline.

14) Why is Namorita blue with white hair and crazy tattoos?

Namorita always thought she was a hybrid, half-human, half-Atlantean. It turns out she was a clone (aren't they all!) of her mother Namora and ancient Altantean ancestors. In New Warriors #44, she mutates into the blue form she's taken on here. Skottie Young had this to say about her appearance:

"With Namorita, I felt I had some options. I've seen her approached in different ways over the years. Sometimes flesh colored skin, and sometimes blue. I really was drawn to the blue side. And being from the sea, and in my mind an under water warrior, I thought giving her some tattoos would really give here a harder edge and sell here as a tribal warrior. She's pretty fun."

15) But didn't she used to be white? With blonde hair?

She returned to her original look in the last few appearances she's had, but now she's back to the blue form.

16) Would she eat a tuna sandwich if you told her it was Chicken of the Sea brand?

I'm sure 'Nita doesn't eat tuna, if you catch my drift.

17) Firestar's powers are actually microwave based. Shouldn't she be named something like Reheater? Or Crisping Sleeve?

Yeah, I was never sure quite how her powers worked. I mean, if you stood next to Firestar for 3-5 minutes, maybe you would get hot, but other than that?

18) You know what's good? Hot Pockets.

Uh...

19) Give me a rundown of the new book. Who's in it, what's the point, why should I care?

Ok, basically, Night Thrasher has run out of money and gets the New Warriors together to fight crime in small-town America, using a television studio to finance them. In compensation for the money, the TV studio gets to film them for a reality show. This really starts to complicate things when something like Speedball bounces too fast and they have to recreate the sequence with potentially deadly bad guys.

20) It has been speculated that you might be the biggest New Warriors Geek in the history of the known universe. So here's the ultimate question: as a diehard New Warriors fan, as the chapter president of Californians For a Successful New Warriors Re-launch (CFSNWR), did you like it?

I don't think anything can capture the charm of the original series, but this one comes close. The thing I always liked about the original New Warriors book was that they were superhero teenagers growing up in the superhero world, much like teenagers grow up into the real world. The first issue has Marvel Boy being told he couldn't join the Avengers because he was too young and inexperienced. Where as the Teen Titans had the JLA to learn from, the New Warriors were alone and had to learn the superhero gig on their own.

This third volume of the book has a lot of the comedy of the original series, but lacks the occasional seriousness. The New Warriors are growing up in a world that looks down at them, and by being c-rate characters on a z-rate reality TV show, I can't see them getting more respect from their peers. If there's a plot over the six issue series about why Night Thrasher signed up for this show, it's not made clear in the first issue. Six issues of them fighting random wacky bad guys in small towns would just be pointless. Still, the first issue was funny, so it's got that at least. We'll see where it goes from here, but it's not a bad start.

Discuss this article in our forum.



Read 20-Odd Questions: House of M