Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days . . mowing my lawn.
New Rule:
Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule:
Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule:
If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule:
Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule:
There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule:
Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule:
The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule:
I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule:
Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule:
Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule:
I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule:
If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule:
No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule: and this one is long overdue:
No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule:
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule:
If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying" Do you want fries with that?"
Yanked off of a link on Boing-Boing (proof that our Saturday is slow):
Artist Gilles Barbier and his life-size sculpture installment L'Hospice 2002, showing an aged Superman, Wonder Woman, Captain America and Mr. Fantastic, apparently in a hospital setting....
Sometimes a comics writer's FANS are his worst enemy
Reggie Hudlin has had a wonderful time writing Black Panther, and seems to enjoy poking at the fanbase, in various guises, as much as he enjoys writing. His fans are a bit more rabid about it, as this exchange on the Livejournal community Scans_Daily shows.
Apparently the original poster has made herself persona non grata all over the net in the name of "protecting" X-character Storm and writer Reggie Hudlin - the trail goes from Fandom_Wank to the Wiki.
It's enough to make a comics fans shout: "You! Out of the pool!" Or, at the very least, to wish that Hudlin would get his own message board so we wouldn't have to actually hunt for links to the wank, it would all be contained in one central location.
"Caption" is a more "mature" sounding word than "balloon". "Balloon" has too many other connotations attached -- child's plaything, Macy's parade display, a woman's breasts -- for it ever to have a hope of being a "serious" term.
Don't help none when folks insist on calling the "bubbles", either.
Yup, Mike Tyson is going to be a hooker. I'm serious. Heidi Fleiss has hired out Tyson to be on her stud farm in Las Vegas.
The Stud farm is suppose to be for women only, but one can only wonder what would happen when you throw so much cash at a person.
Tyson had this to say, "I don't care what any man says, it's every man's dream to please every woman - and get paid for it." Before heading back for voice overs for old Mickey Mouse cartoons and Daymon Waynes movies. .
Remember Ghostbusters, the good one, released in 1984. It had nothing to do with that awful cartoon released by Filmation, the same people who brought us He-Man and She-Ra. Dr. Peter Venkman in the film, towards the end when they were in the mayor's office said, "Cat's sleeping with dogs!" Meaning that the end of the world was coming.
Guess what?
In the picture below, the cat, Mimi, is claimed to have given birth to puppies. At least that's what her crazy owner says.
There is a slide show of images inspired from the new movie the Fountain. It contains works from Jim Lee, Dave Gibbons, James Jean and from the late Seth Fisher.
Faith Hill likes to clown around when's she's indescribably pissed.
We know, we know. Too much celebrity stuff. Not enough geek snark. But we can't help it. This is what's in the news cycle. Kind of like that period when we were overwhelmed by Mark Millar-related stupidity.
Anyway, this is what happens when you lose out on a major industry award to a reality-show nobody:
Faith Hill insists she's no Kanye West. The country music superstar says she was just joking when cameras showed her screaming "WHAT?" in apparent anger when she lost the female vocalist of the year award to newcomer Carrie Underwood at the Country Music Association Awards ceremony Monday night in Nashville.
Hill should have just Gillooly-ed that little bleach-blonde brat. If she did, maybe history would have repeated itself and the fates would make up for that horrific Tonya Harding wedding night sex tape by giving us a Faith Hill version.
Sources tell TMZ.com the couple, who married in September 2004, had a prenuptial agreement. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support.
Here he describes the power given to a 17 year old girl in the show:
But they gave her the ability to regenerate and resuscitate from any and all injuries.
This power has decided to manifest itself before she's lost her virginity.
Which means - everytime she has sex, she's a virgin as her hymen will repair itself. Meaning that everytime she's fucked, its like she's being fucked for the very first time.
This chickie isn't the hottest girl on YouTube, nor the funniest. But there's something charmingly self-deprecating about this little vid clip, isn't there? Just makes you want to meet her and give her a big 'ol hug.
The costume itself is form fitting and revealing, but the mother of two had no problems with that. "Oh, it has to be revealing, but of course it has to be able to move and stay on," said Ehlers. "I want to be able to do move around as I do stunt stuff, so it has to stay on, but she's gotta be sexy. Sexy is part of it and she's a mom! You can be a mother and be sexy and be strong, all those things at the same time."
